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jj-babebank · 3 years ago

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Room 107 // chapter I // JJ Maybank (smut)

I have started my first JJ story, which will consist of several chapters that I will constantly be updating. The story picks up where season 2 leaves us. TW: Contains mentions of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex and violence.

Chapter 1 can be found below. Oh, and - please feel free to submit requests, I tend to write a lot ;)

Enjoy xx

Chapter 1 - La Guardiana

Days had passed since the Pogues had last seen civilisation, maybe even weeks. The sun was hotter than ever, with close to no wind to mask the warmth. JJ was taking this particularly badly.

“I’m so done with eating bananas, man,” he moaned, kicking a pebble as he trotted a little behind the rest of his friends, “Can’t we just stumble across an oasis or something and end up in, like, an actual city?”

As if on command, his friends stopped in their tracks, the girls awing and the guys smiling happily.

“We just might, JJ,” said John B, looking at the city unfolding itself in front of them in the distance, “We just might.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m actually starving,” laughed Sarah, nudging John B’s arm, “Don’t tease!” “Hey, so am I,” he cooed, “First joint we find, we’re going in for food.” Kiara rolled her eyes, “As much as I would love to accept that offer, let me remind you that we have no money.” Sarah nodded, “Mhm, nothing at all.” “Nada,” John B looked at the two girls sternly, “And when has that ever stopped us exactly?” Kiara rolled her eyes once again, smirking at her friend, “Alright, I suppose a good meal would give me the energy I’d need to run a marathon after getting caught not paying.”

The group continued walking down a not too busy street, studying the buildings, looking for a restaurant, cafe, diner - anything, really. They hadn’t had a proper meal in God knows how long and they were famished. They couldn’t help but notice how all the buildings on the street were of the same height - no more than four storeys each, all painted in different colours. If they hadn’t known any better, they’d have thought that they had left the United States of America altogether, although one thing was certain - they were definitely not in the Outer Banks anymore.

The street wasn’t crowded at all, there were hardly any cars or people lurking about. JJ concluded that this was probably an unpopular area of whichever city they were in. This would also explain the lack of supermarkets and restaurants. He really wanted to ask his friends to stop for a little break - his throat was so dry and his legs could barely hold him up anymore, but he knew better. The longer they walk, the faster they’ll find what they are looking for. Having no indicator of the time on them wasn’t helping either, hell, they could have been walking for 12 hours for all he knew, and with no result.

“Maybe we should just ask someone,” Pope suggested, “Neither of us is a wanted criminal anymore, I’d say we have nothing to worry about.” John B smirked at his friend’s remark, but ultimately agreed to ask the first person they ran into where the nearest food joint was. Turns out, they were standing right in front of it.

“La Cubanita Hotel and Restaurant” it spelled out in bold, red letters. The building was narrow and a light shade of blue, totally contrasting the obnoxiously coloured sign planted in front of it. Much like the rest of the buildings on the street, it had no more than four floors, each consisting of a row of Spanish windows with brightly coloured frames. The Pogues looked at each other with a hint of uncertainty before John B lead the way into the building.

On the inside it looked like a typical diner - tiled floor, red and blue booths, a long bar accompanied by bar stools and, cheesily enough, a boombox. JJ guessed that the way to the hotel was through the back, but he didn’t put too much thought into it. The place seemed dead, with only one of the booths being busy. It was either an off-peak hour or this city was actually a ghost town.

The group sat at one of the booths on the other side of where the other people were and JJ took a second to observe them. A group of bikers, all wearing stereotypical biker outfits from leather jackets down to bandanas. They were in their mid 50s and were all smoking indoors, drinking what looked like whiskeys, despite of the blazing sun still very much being out. JJ had to give it to them though, they did look pretty darn cool if he did say so himself, and those cigarettes looked eerily appetising to him at this given moment. Oh, what he’d give to have a sip of whatever they were having and a long, much needed drag of one of their cigarettes. He was so lost in his daydream, he barely realised Kiara poking him in the arm.

“JJ,” she urged, “Waitress is here!” In this moment JJ turned his attention to the new subject in question, their waitress. She was standing at the foot of their booth, wearing her uniform, black and red, holding a pen and a notepad, chewing a piece of gum, waiting for his order. Could this place get any more stereotypical? JJ thought to himself. “So what’s it gonna be, handsome?” She said, not even bothering to look in his direction. “Uh…” JJ fumbled with the menu, “I’ll just have whatever they’re having.” He said, pointing at the bikers in the booth across from theirs. The woman rolled her eyes, popping her bubblegum. She took the rest of the Pogues’ orders before disappearing somewhere behind the bar. JJ followed her with his eyes, blocking out the conversation his friends were currently having. The waitress came back out of what he assumed to be the kitchen and handed the paper with their orders to another girl behind the bar. JJ guessed she was the barmaid, and boy was she a bit of him.

She was wearing the same uniform as her colleague, although JJ had to admit - it looked a whole lot better on her, at least from what he could see from above the bar. Her hair was long and brown, half of it tied up effortlessly, and slightly messily, although JJ didn’t mind one bit. He watched her as she took the paper from her colleague and went to fetch the drinks written on it. He couldn’t make out what exactly colour her eyes were, and quite frankly - he didn’t really care, she was gorgeous regardless of what her eyes looked like, and she looked around his age. Had the sun and heat gotten to his head, or was it just the fact that he hadn’t touched a female in so long, he didn’t know, but if there was one thing JJ Maybank was notorious for, it was his ability to pull any girl his heart desired effortlessly. This is why he excused himself from the table and, albeit his friends’ confused looks and comments, he made his way towards the bar, sliding into one of the stools directly across from the girl.

She looked up at him, “Can I help you?” “Brown…” JJ mumbled to himself. “Excuse me?” She said, this time sounding slightly annoyed. Her eyes were brown, JJ thought, brown and sexy. He coughed, trying to compose himself and gave her his signature Maybank stare. It worked wonders back home, surely it would work wonders now again. “Name’s JJ,” he said suavely, “I’m not from around here-“ “Clearly,” she muttered, picking up a bottle of whiskey. JJ assumed it was for him, “Aren’t you a little young to be drinking, JJ?”

JJ smirked, “What can I say, I have the face of a boy but the body and mind of a man.” The girl snickered under her nose, “Sure. Well since you’re here, make yourself useful and bring your drinks over to your friends,” she gave him a fake smile, placing a tray with their orders on it in front of him, after which she turned her back to him and walked towards the back of the bar. JJ was too busy observing her behind to notice the other waitress standing next to him, her arms crossed in front of her chest. “Should I take that or will you?” She said, waking JJ up from his everlasting daydream. “Oh, uh, don’t sweat it…” he said, picking up the tray and carrying it over to his friends’ booth. “So much for customer service,” Sarah laughed. “And to think my dad says I’m hostile to our customers,” Kiara muttered out. JJ took his seat next to her, his eyes never leaving the bar. “La Guardiana,” Pope read out loud, “This place is called La Guardiana, and apparently we’re somewhere in Florida.” “Florida?” John B said, confusion dripping through his words. Pope nodded, pointing at some text on the bottom of the menu.

La Cubanita Hotel & Restaurant **, 97 Diego’s Crescent, La Guardiana, FL

“Holy shit, we’re in Florida!” John B whisper yelled. Sarah laughed at his reaction, “Calm down now, Sancho, let’s not draw any attention to us,” “Yeah, you might wanna tell Casanova here that,” teased Pope, nodding his head in JJ’s direction, “Was it really worth it to potentially blow our cover just to talk to that girl?” JJ snapped at Pope, “Hey, man, just ‘cuz you don’t have the nuts to go over there and talk to her yourself,” “Yeah, I really want to attract the staff’s attention, you know, even more than we already are, seeing as we’re the only other busy table at this place.” “Your food,” the waitress from earlier was back with some of the Pogues’ orders. They waited for her to be out of earshot and JJ spoke up, “Relax, P, I bet you I can charm the pants off that girl and we won’t even need to sneak out without paying!” Pope gave JJ a fake smile, “Mhm, I’m sure she’s gonna be so deep under your spell she won’t even notice us leaving without paying a cent." JJ rolled his eyes, picking up a toothpick from the table and placing it between his teeth. “Might even offer us a place to crash, you know, because she’ll be so captivated by you.” Pope continued to tease. “Yeah, chicks totally dig this whole I’m homeless and I haven’t properly showered in like 15 days look you're going for,” Sarah joined in on the teasing. Kiara laughed and added, “Yeah, and the bit that’s gonna fully seal the deal for her is that you have literally nothing to offer her, like 0 dollars.” Everyone was laughing while JJ just crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned to look out the window, “Talk all you want, guys, but once we get that gold back, you’ll see who’ll dig what.” “The rest of your order,” he recognised the girl’s voice. It was her bringing their food over this time. She placed John B’s plate in front of him and then made her way around the table, next to where JJ was sat. She handed him his plate and bent down slightly, so that her lips were on the same level as JJ’s ear, “Next time you decide to share your criminal plans, you might wanna talk a bit more quietly.” She whispered, setting his cutlery down for him, “Oh, and, you might be charming wherever you come from, but your friend’s right. That shit doesn’t work around here.” She said, patting him on the shoulder before walking away. JJ didn’t waste time sitting around to listen to his friends pass comments about what had just happened, he downed his whiskey and practically chased after the girl. “I’m guessing you’ll want another one?” She said, not even turning around. JJ wondered how she knew that he was there. When she turned to face him, the bottle of whiskey was in her hand. “Let’s see… Do I pour you another one and close my eyes about you planning to leave without paying, or do I do what anyone else in my position would do and call the police on you? Hmm…” she pretended to think, her eyes never leaving JJ’s now panicking ones. “Please don’t call the cops,” he blurted out, the whiskey hitting his brain and making him stress out more than he wanted to admit to, “Look, we - we were in a boat accident, we don’t even know how we got here, hell - we didn’t even know where we were up until 10 minutes ago! And we - we don’t have any documents on us, we don’t have any sort of identification, what would you -“ “Relax, kid,” the girl smirked, picking up two glasses and pouring a generous amount of whiskey in both of them, “I won’t rat you out.” She said, handing JJ one of the glasses and raising hers for a toast. JJ clinked his glass with hers, a large smile growing on his face, his dimples becoming very prominent, “Thank you, really… That means a lot.” The girl took a moment to observe JJ, then to look at his friends having a heated conversation at their booth, all of them practically stuffing their faces with food in an almost animalistic sort of way. Could this boy really be telling the truth? Could these kids have been lost at sea with no place to go? She looked back at JJ who was also looking at her. Despite the smile plastered on his face, she could clearly see that he was extremely nervous still. “Hey,” she said, “I told you to relax, didn’t I. I won’t charge you for your food, in fact… I might even have a place for you to sleep and clean up tonight.” JJ’s eyes grew wider at her words, “You what?” She leaned in closer to him over the bar and lowered her voice so that he would be the only one to hear, “Hotel upstairs, my aunt owns it. She’s currently out of town with my cousin. Should be back next Thursday. I think I can fit you and your friends in. You just have to promise to be on your best behaviour.” She said, pulling away and taking another sip from her drink. JJ couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was too good to be true. She was hot and she was willing to help? This must have been his lucky day. Sarah could suck it, and so could the others. Clearly this girl was into him. Why else would she be offering to help? “So, uh, what’s in it for me?” He asked, a hint of mischief in his voice. The girl opened her mouth, but before she could speak, the other waitress groaned from behind her. “Samara, how many times do I have to tell you?” Her croaky voice rang. The girl, who JJ had just learned was called Samara, rolled her eyes and repeated with her colleague, “No drinking on the job, yeah yeah, I know. But Heather’s gone and so is Conner, so who can tell me what to do, really?” She said, finishing what was left of her whiskey, “Besides, Georgia, as far as I’m concerned, since they’re both gone, that leaves me in charge, no? Now get back to work,” she said, making her colleague roll her eyes at her. Samara turned around to face JJ again, giving him a wink, before disappearing into the kitchen. JJ couldn’t believe his luck. He swung his arm over the bar and picked up the bottle of whiskey to pour himself one more drink before returning to his friends. “Guys-“ JJ tried getting their attention. “So what are we supposed to do now? We’re totally screwed!” “They’re gonna call the police on us, hell, they probably already have! The cops could be on their way!” “Guys!” JJ yelled, catching even the bikers’ attention. His friends looked up at him, worry filling all of their eyes. “You’ll never believe what I’m about to tell you, oh, and Sarah? You can eat your words.” He smirked before telling them what had just happened. “Hold on,” said Kiara, her face revealing her confusion, “So this random girl in this random place just randomly said that we can crash here until when?” “Next Thursday, or was it Tuesday? What day is it today?” JJ scratched his head. “JJ!” Kiara slapped his arm, “What if this is a trap? It sounds too good to be true doesn’t it? Like, what’s in it for her? We don’t even know her! What if she’s a murderer or something?” “She’s right, you know,” Cleo chimed in. “She is,” said John B, “But we have nothing to lose, literally.” Pope nodded, “I’d usually agree with Kie, but John B’s right. We have nothing to lose. And what if she calls the police? What could even happen then? We get put in jail for agreeing to sleep in a hotel for free? Come on, guys, I’m sure we can all agree that a bar of soap and a normal bathroom would do us good. I mean, we stink.” Everyone laughed at Pope’s remark before Kiara turned to JJ again, “So what’s the plan?” Realisation just struck JJ that he didn’t in fact know what the plan was. Samara had told him virtually nothing about how any of this would go down. Where were they supposed to meet? Was she going to take them to their rooms? Would they all be sharing one room? He was so busy thinking about how all of this would go down, he barely noticed Samara herself passing him a note. It was taken out of her colleague, who JJ now knew to be Georgia’s notepad. The note read in messy handwriting:

Bring your friends to the lobby. Straight down the hallway by the bathrooms.

JJ turned the piece of paper towards his friends and they all got up, rushing towards the hallway by the bathrooms.

#outer banks #jj maybank #obx #pope heyward #kiara carrera #jj one shot #jj smut #obx smut #sarah cameron #john b #jj x oc #netflix #love #smut

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shinsorokiri · 4 years ago

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S/o Loses Memory and Quirk

Kaminari Denki HCs

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Language, violence, mentions broken bones, a panic attack, panic attack symptoms, sad Denki

A/N: Ngl writing angst for Denki did something to my little heart. He only deserves happiness and I’m mad at myself for giving him sadness lol. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! I’ll be writing one like this for All Might next so keep your eyes peeled for that one!

Shinsou, Aizawa, Hawks, and Dabi

Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima

Kaminari Denki | Chargebolt

You are his partner in crime

You’re the one who is always there to take care of him when he goes dumb

You’re the one who is always there to comfort him when he feels like an idiot

You’re always the one who is there for him

And he’s always the one who is there for you

It’s been that way for years

Ever since you transferred to UA your second year of high school

The two of you became fast friends

Best friends even

And his flirty nature made it so it wasn’t too long before the two of you entered a real relationship

The two of you EXUDE the most chaotic good energy that even Bakugou finds it kind of endearing

But unbeknownst to his friends

Denki can get really fucking serious when it comes to you

It lowkey shocked you the first time you saw him act like that

And it was all because you were sparring with him and you tripped over your own damn foot and face planted

You figured he’d just point and laugh at you but he ran over and checked you EVERYWHERE to make sure you weren’t hurt

mans even SCOLDED you

YOU WERE SCOLDED BY DENKI KAMINARI

But you lowkey LOVED it because like

Wow

He does like me !!!

Of course that was in your final year at UA

The two of you are now pro-heroes at separate agencies

And boy oh boy does Denki worry about you

He can’t help it

He has seen you run into a wall because you were trying to rely on scent instead of sight “in case you get stuck in a dark room with a villain”

He worries

But he also knows you are strong

And also a hot badass who can take on anyone

Well

Almost anyone

Midoriya could probably kick your ass but that’s just because it’s Midoriya

But in all seriousness

He isn’t even patrolling today

He has the day off actually

And Denki has never baked anything before in his life

But

He knows that there’s been this mysterious villain giving your agency some trouble recently

So he wants to make you some of your favorite cookies

Or at least try to

And then have a lil movie night

He’s a clingy little shit

And he wants to destress you so

He will refuse to let go of you for the rest of the night goddamnit!

So there he is

Taking the semi-burnt but still edible cookies out of the oven

His favorite program on in the background

When suddenly

His show gets interrupted

And the hero scanner the two of you have goes off in your living room

He immediately turns his attention to the television

Stopping in the middle of the kitchen

Still holding the cookies

When he sees live footage of you falling from a 3 story building

Onto concrete

He drops the pan

And literally sprints out of the door

He doesn’t even have shoes on

But he doesn’t give a single Fuck™

He rushes down the stairs of the apartment building the two of you live in

And gets to his car in record time

Mans be speeding to the hospital he knows you’re gonna be at

You two had a plan in place with each other and your agencies that if anything would happen to either of you

You would both go to this specific hospital so you two could know where the other was at all times

Of course he was crying while speeding

And his heart rate was way too fast for him to be functioning

But he had to get to you

He had to

And he did

He pulled into a parking spot reserved for pro-heroes and ran inside the emergency room

When he asked about you the nurse told him you were currently in surgery for some severe bone breaks

He got a nasty taste in his mouth

But he just nodded

She told him he could wait in the waiting room

And he did

He sat down in a chair

And he was trying so hard to keep it together

Hard

But eventually Kirishima, Mina, Sero, and even Bakugou showed up

To be fair

Mina and you did work at the same agency

So she saw everything that happened

They immediately went over to him

And he looked up at Mina

And deadass this is the first time any of them see how genuinely serious Denki can get

He asks Mina what happened

And she hesitates

But his face is dead serious

There are obviously tears leaking out of his eyes

But his stare is wildly intense

And Mina knows that if she says no he’ll just keep asking or ask someone else at the agency

So she tells him

“Well… we were patrolling, like usual, when that villain that’s been keeping us on our toes showed up. They’ve never… done anything other than rob people and knock them out so we thought hey this should be easy. Especially since (Y/n) was there. When they saw us they ran into a building and we chased after them and when we had them cornered on the roof they did this weird… sneak attack? But not really? I don’t know it was… odd, they had this like patterned fight technique and they hit (Y/n) in a few different places, and she went to use her quirk to fight back but… nothing happened… and then they hit her like at the bottom of her skull and she just… fell down unconscious. And then they… threw her… off…”

She started trailing off at the end because a sob tore through Denki’s throat

And then he started hyperventilating

Luckily Bakugou and Kirishima were there to help him out

They get panic attacks frequently, so they managed to calm him down and get him to breathe again

And they stayed with him for as long as they had to

Eventually after hours

A doctor came out and approached Denki

“Pro Hero Chargebolt?”

He stands up very fast

He’s informed that you are out of surgery

And that the surgery went well

However they noticed something odd in your MRI results

It seemed that a portion of your brain was damaged?

But not quite

It was still functioning

But something about it was off

And they had never seen anything like it before

It was like certain parts of your brain were blocked but everything else was fine

Upon hearing this Denki’s heart broke

And then after hearing the part of your brain that was impacted was the part that contained long term memories

His heart shattered

“We’re afraid she may have severe amnesia. We’re going to keep running tests to see just what is going on, we think it’s the quirk of that villain. A lot of the victims of their crimes have blockages in their muscle groups, but we’ve never seen a blockage in the brain from them.”

Denki is quiet

He literally doesn’t say anything

Until he whispers

“Can i see her?”

The doctor nods

And he leads him to your room

You’re still asleep

And you’re covered in bandages and casts

It breaks his heart

His friends texted him to tell him they went home but if he needs them at any minute that they will be on their way to the hospital in ten seconds flat

He appreciates it

But right now he really just wanted to be alone with you

He just sat next to you

Holding your hand

He was even moving your pointer finger to trace the Lichtenberg Figures trailing up and down his arms

You always do it when the two of you are cuddling at night

It helps him sleep

And reminds him that you love him regardless of his faults

And right now he just

He really needs you

This goes on for an hour before he feels you start to move

And he freezes

“(Y/n?”

You open your eyes

And squint at him

“Uh… h-hi… aren’t you that guy in my new class…?”

He stares at you

Completely deadpan

Before laughing a bit

But it isn’t a happy laugh

It’s very much a sad laugh

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“Cool, but um… how did you know my name already?… Are you crying?”

Yes

He was

He was laughing and crying at the same time

He probably looked like he was losing his mind

But he really did just lose his whole world so

It’s a prompted reaction

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

His voice was more strained this time

“Are you… are you okay?”

“Yeah, but you’re not. And I didn’t save you, and now you don’t know who I am, and I’m just… I’m so sorry, babe. I’m so sorry.”

The laughing stopped

Now he’s just sobbing

In your mind

You’d seen him a few times while touring the school

And he was always laughing and smiling

Always

So this was shocking

And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t tug on your heart strings

You instinctively reach out to grab his hand

And he grips onto it so tight

Almost like he’s afraid of letting go

“…You called me babe?”

He tries to even his breathing

But he nods

“I don’t… I don’t even know you, I-”

“You do. You do, but… you don’t. It’s… it’s complicated and I’m a literal dumbass so… I’ll call a doctor. They’ll explain.”

And that he does

And the doctor does in fact explain

And after the doctor leaves

You ask him to tell you about your relationship

And he does

He tells you even the smallest details

From the time that you painted the nail on his right hand middle finger pink because he lost a bet and he ended up liking it and buying nail polish for himself

To the time that you two told everyone you break danced all night to break in your new apartment when in reality he turned on Lover by Taylor Swift and the two of you slow danced in your living room

All of it

And he even managed to slip in the fact that you’d remember all of this after he caught the villain who did this to you

And he will catch them.

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whump-a-la-mode · 4 years ago

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Nemesis - Part 2

I’m so glad that you guys are enjoying this new series! Work was pretty hectic for me today, but here is the next part, albeit a little late.

For the last vote, A won out, meaning that Hero is going to attempt to a more direct approach to aiding Villain. Though, the things they see in this part may just change their mind.

CW//Shapeshifting, cartoon violence, insults, being called ‘worthless,’ interventions, residential medical facilities, flashbacks

The blow came out of nowhere.

It was a rhetorical statement as much as it was a completely literal one. That didn’t matter in the moment, however-- the fist had very much struck Hero in the back of their head, causing them to stumble forwards.

Before them, their assailant rematerialized from thin air, gasping with a smirk upon their face. They blew on their knuckles, as if blowing smoke from a firearm’s muzzle. Stupid, arrogant kid.

“Come on!” The villain taunted. “I thought you were supposed to be good.”

Hero didn’t bother to transform before they leapt; they did that mid-air, curled fingers turning into canine claws before them. Said claws were aimed truly at the villain a few feet ahead, directed at their panicked expression.

Suddenly, Hero felt to be on the edge of a roof. Facing a completely different foe.

Throwing themself to the ground was not a conscious choice, but it was the action that they took.

The hero in lupine shape skidded to the ground, head spinning as it struck concrete. By the time they were back to all four paws, their opponent was long gone. In their wake, the door slammed closed.

Why did they...

No. This villain looked nothing like them. They shook their head, turning back to human form in order to begin tearing out the door.

The laboratory was a nightmare to navigate. White walls stretched far further than they had any right to, all looking terribly identical. Had it been any other situation, Hero would have found themself hopelessly lost.

But they could make a pretty good guess where their target had run off to. It was probably the hall where the shouting and banging was emanating from.

Hero skidded about a corner, forgetting momentarily that in human form they lacked dewclaws, causing them nearly to fall. They did not, however, turning the corner and stopping before they collided with the active battle.

Leader swore loudly as they failed to land a blow on the villain. However, their attacker missed in turn, putting themself in such a position that allowed Teammate to grab them from behind.

The villain yelled and struggled. Almost as if they’d just fallen from the roof of a building, and were now screaming, fighting back against those trying to hold them down.

Hero was on a collision course with Teammate before they so much as realized it. Halfway through the movement, their body turned from human to that of a far more formidable wildcat, easily sending their friend sprawling on the white tile. In turn, the villain their friend had been restraining freed themself.

Leader was too stunned, in the moment, to react. By the time everyone in the corridor had returned to their senses, their opponent had long since dematerialized and left.

Leaving only the three Heroes in the hallway. Two heads turned to stare at the third.

Hero’s feline ears turned back a moment, an expression that was translated to flushing as they returned to human form. Teammate pried themself off the floor, brushing dust from their uniform.

“Sorry.” Hero dipped their head.

“Why the hell did you do that?” Leader snapped. In comparison to the quiet building, it sounded like a gong being struck. “We almost had them!”

“I was, uh, trying to get them on the ground.”

“I had it handled.” Teammate commented in a far calmer tone of voice. “I don’t think we have any chance of catching up to them now, though.”

“No. Probably not. No thanks to someone.” Leader shook their head. “We were so damn close.”

“And they got the medicines too.” Teammate added.

“They what?”

“The medicines?”

“I thought those were secured.”

“Well... They were. And then they took them.”

“Oh my god, you two are stupid.” Leader hissed through gritted teeth. “Hero, what happened in the other room? I thought you had them pinned.”

“They got away.”

“You two are so stupid. I asked for a team, and this is what I get... Worthless. Well, it’s a lost cause, now. Let’s get back to the car.”

Hero and Teammate hung their heads, but weren’t about to argue. They began their walk out of the building in silence, a silence that continued until they had traversed a few flights of stairs. That was when Leader spoke up, once again, some of the most acute venom seeming to have left their voice.

“Hero... You seem nervous.”

“I’m not.”

“I know you can fight better than what I just saw. I want to know why.”

“I guess... I guess I’m not sure.”

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

No. Of course they weren’t sure, because it was a lie. The night prior, after their diner meeting with Hacker, they had not succeeded in getting a single second of sleep. Now, they felt like their legs-- however many they happened to have at the moment-- were made of jello.

“I’m sure. I just need some sleep.”

“And then you’ll be back to normal?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I need my best fighter back in shape. Villains don’t catch themselves, y’know.”

Except, sometimes, they did. Sometimes they tripped, right off the edge of a roof. And, sometimes, their fall haunted the dreams of the hero who had caused it.

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The dorms at HQ were a lot of things. They were cramped, and cluttered, and the thermostats never seemed to work quite right. All of that, though, was normal. A life spent living in apartments and dorms had gotten Hero plenty used to making themself comfortable in small quarters.

The bad thing about them was that, living in an enclosed space with the same people for years on end, it became just about impossible to pretend they weren’t home when someone knocked on the door.

That didn’t mean they didn’t try every single time, however.

Hero nestled themself further under the blankets that covered them, burying their head beneath their pillow in an attempt to block out the incessant knocking. Eventually, they gave up, shouting back:

“Hero isn’t home. You can’t come in.”

“If Hero isn’t home how are they talking to me?” Came Teammate’s joking cadence.

“This is a recording. Please come back later or not at all.”

“Well, can I at least come in and talk to a recording of Hero?”

“Fine.”

Hero rolled over, staring at the ceiling a moment before getting off the bed to let their friend inside. They were smiling, which was automatically a red flag.

Teammate found themself a seat on the couch shoved into the corner of the dorm, while Hero returned to their bed, collapsing dramatically onto their back.

“I have a feeling that you know why I’m here.” Teammate started, in that weird voice they used when trying to calm down a civilian.

“What are you, my therapist?”

“No. But I am worried about you.”

“I told Leader already. I’m just tired.”

“Is that why you tackled me out of nowhere?”

“I was trying to tackle the villain.”

“While I was already holding them?”

“Can you just drop it? I’m fine. I just need to go to bed early tonight.”

“it’s not just today, though. You’ve been acting weird all week. Maybe longer.”

“Have not.”

“When you froze up on that roof?”

“Nope.”

“When you pretended to be sick so you didn’t have to go to that ceremony at the university?”

“Had a cold.”

“When you just let a villain punch you in the face?”

“I- Why do you have to be right all the time?”

“Not all the time. But I think everyone has been getting a bit worried about you. You haven’t been acting yourself... We just want to help. Are you sick? You can be honest with me.”

“It’s not that. I’m fine. Physically, I’m fine. So I should be fine and dandy.”

Teammate nodded.

“The anniversary.”

“You remembered?”

“They had it on the news. Though I have a feeling you didn’t need any help remembering.”

“No.”

“How many days has it been, now?”

“374.”

“Nine days since the anniversary of Villain’s capture. Nine days you’ve been acting weird. That’s an awfully interesting coincidence.”

“I’m worried about them.” Hero dipped their head. “I can’t- I can hardly sleep.”

“You’re worried about Villain?”

“Well- I’m not worried about them. Of course I’m not worried about them, they’re a villain. But...”

“But?”

“It’s been over a year, and there’s been no news. You’d think they’d be like, fighting back, or trying to escape, or something.”

“Is that what you’re worried about, them escaping?”

How were they supposed to escape when they couldn’t even open their eyes?

“I guess so, yeah. It doesn’t seem right for them to be so docile like that.”

“The rehabbers are very good.”

“I know they are. But Villain is... they’re the worst! When they were captured the city threw a parade! They’ve hurt so many people. And now they’re just gone.”

“You think they’re planning something?”

“I guess.”

“Well... why don’t you go see them?”

“What?”

“It’s not like they’re being held on some secret Alcatraz. The rehab place is just across the city. They’ll probably let you in if you just go up and ask.”

“You really think that would work?”

“Why not? Villain is probably just going to like, spit on you or something, but if it’s worrying you this much, just go see them. You’ll see that they’re under control, and then maybe you won’t tackle me anymore?”

“I’ll try not to.” Hero chuckled. “You think that’s gonna work?”

“It’s worth a try. Besides, maybe Villain will be better, this time. Those rehabbers are crazy good at their jobs. I don’t think a single villain has come out of their still being, like, evil. They have a one hundred percent success rate, as far as I know.”

Almost one hundred percent.

Almost.

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This was stupid.

It was the only thing Hero could think about, sitting there in the parking lot, staring at the building with its cute little picket fence and brightly-colored exterior.

It was a stupid plan. They had spent so long the night prior, overthinking the few brief words they had exchanged with Hacker.

Villain needed to leave that place.

At the very least, they needed to... Hero didn’t know what they needed. They needed to be contained, certainly. They were dangerous. Too dangerous to be free. But they at least deserved to be awake.

Did they?

Yes. Of course they did. If asked, Hero was unsure if they could truly defend their position on the matter, but they knew that Villain did not deserve to be in the state that they currently suffered. It wasn’t right.

That wit. That tongue. Those sharp, intelligent eyes.

Villain did not deserve to be drowned in sedatives until they could no longer remember their own name.

It did not matter where they went. Where they were contained. So long as they were allowed to be awake. Allowed to live.

They at least deserved that much.

But... Hero had no power over such things. Every possible plan they had concocted fell apart as soon as they tried to think it through. Certainly, despite its cutesy exterior, this building was heavily guarded. Even if they did manage to get Villain out of the facility, where would they take them? Hell, as soon as they were out, Villain would probably tear their throat out!

They should have just gone right back to the HQ and forgotten the whole affair. But that image of their foe, dead to the world, would not leave their mind. It was burned into their eyelids. They saw it when they blinked.

Hero had no plan. But, they had a car, and a near complete lack of self restraint.

They had no intention of going in guns blazing. They’d be taken out in seconds, and would probably land in the very same facility, being “rehabilitated.” But, if they could at least get in, then that was a significant hurdle leapt.

And they had the perfect plan to achieve that step.

Hero’s hadn’t even realized just how white their knuckles had grown from having gripped the steering wheel with such force for so long. Their fingers ached as they removed them from the wheel, exiting the vehicle.

For a moment, they stood there.

The only sort of barrier between the facility and the outside world was a white picket fence, only a few feet in height. A moderately athletic cat could jump it. A villain would have no difficulty.

Beyond the fence, the building looked almost like any medical clinic. Decorative windchimes hung from the awning overtop the entrance, which was little more than a pair of glass doors. There wasn’t even a visible lock. From either side of the main part of the structure, wings of patient rooms stretched, their windows decorated with childish crafts made of construction paper and glue.

It looked more like a civilian hospital than something holding the city’s most dangerous criminals.

Hero hated just how nervous they felt, opening the gate to the picket fence and approaching the front door. Their suspicions were correct-- the doors were unlocked, and a bell above them even chimed as they were opened.

The lobby beyond was small, consisting of only a single desk, at which a lab-coated person typed on a computer. As Hero entered, they looked up. Their eyes widened.

“Hero?” Their mouth was almost agape. “I didn’t think we were expecting a visit from you.”

“Sorry about that. It’s kind of a more... spur of the moment thing.”

“Oh? How can we help you?”

Hero approached the desk, trying to hide the way their finger refused to stop twitching.

“I...” Their shoulders slumped. They weren’t an actor by any means, but they had gotten plenty of practice in lying to Leader about how long they had spent in the gym. “A bit over a week ago, it was the one year anniversary of Villain’s capture.”

“Was it? Time flies, I suppose.”

“I was wondering if I could see them.”

“Oh? Any particular reason?”

“I’m just a little... suspicious. I want to make sure they’re doing alright. That they aren’t planning anything.”

“Hm... Well, I can understand your concern, but I assure you that Villain has been a model patient.”

“Even so... Can I see them?”

Hero could see the tips of the Labcoat’s ears growing red.

“Let me talk to the head doctor.” They stood from their desk, notably turning off their computer as they did so. “I’ll be back in just a moment.”

“No need.”

At the back of the small lobby area, a door opened, revealing a man wearing a pair of blue scrubs and a warm smile.

“I’m right here, Labcoat. Is there something you need- Oh my goodness, Hero in the flesh! For what do we get the honor?”

“Um-”

“They want to see Villain.”

That dropped Head Doctor’s smile pretty quick.

“I see.” They nodded, nearing the desk. “Wanting to visit the old nemesis, hm?”

“I just want to make sure they’re doing alright. That they aren’t... planning anything.”

Head Doctor frowned a moment, before sighing.

“I’m sorry, Hero. And to think you came all this way. But I’m going to have to say no. You see, Villain has had a hard day, today. Usually they’re very well-behaved, but they had some trouble today. I don’t think it would be the best idea to rile them up like that, right now. I’m terribly sorry.”

Hero put their hand in their pocket, ensuring that the doctors could not see as they balled it into a fist.

“I understand.” They nodded, trying their best not to grit their teeth. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s terribly unfortunate. If you had just come another day... But I don’t want to waste your time entirely. And it’s such a terribly long drive across town.” Again, Head Doctor’s countenance was brightened by a grin. “You won’t be able to see your nemesis today, but how about a tour? You can speak to our other patients, if you would like. They’re eating lunch right about now.”

A tour.

Hero could work with that.

“That would be great. Are you sure it’s... Are you sure it’s safe? Not that I’m worried or anything, but.”

“Of course it’s safe. It’s always safe, here. Come on. I’m sure everyone will be delighted to see you.”

Yeah. Delighted.

Head Doctor’s blue scrubs rippled under the bright florescents as they turned, heading back towards that door at the rear of the room. It felt almost too good to be true, but Hero wasted no time in following suit.

This door, unlike the others, was metal, and required a key to be passed through. It opened with a rather heavy creak, and clicked solidly as it closed behind Hero. They almost jumped.

If they were being quite honest, they had never really thought about where villains went after they were locked up. Like a hunting dog, they had little care where their prey ended up, only that they retrieved it. If they had to guess where their fallen foes ended up, they would have likely described a well-secured concrete building, complete with snipers and barbed wire.

Not a cute little hospital ward.

The door from the lobby opened into a wide-open, carpeted space, decorated by several sofas and a television, alongside a few well-stocked bookshelves. Beyond it, three hallways sprouted-- one to the front, and one to the left or the right.

Every door was wood.

“We call this the commons.” Head Doctor explained with a smile. “A sort of... hang out space. And those two halls lead to the patients rooms. Not much to see there.”

In an awfully hurried manner, they lead Hero forwards, into the hallway that led straight out from the commons. It was wide, with several doors on either side. Yet, not a single window.

“This is where me and my colleagues work, most of the the time. It’s mostly offices for our therapists. And that one, there, is my office.”

During the whole explanation, they did not stop walking forwards. They only did so at the end of the hallway, where a door was embedded.

“Um... This is the dining hall, just past this door. Everyone is eating lunch right now. I assure you that it’s perfectly safe, but I understand if you don’t want to see some of your, um, old foes.”

“It’s fine.” Hero did their best to smile. “Is Villain in there?”

“No. They decided to eat lunch in their room today.” Head Doctor chimed, opening the door. From behind it, there was no sound.

Nothing that Head Doctor said had been untrue. The dining hall was clean, immaculately so, scattered with plastic tables and chairs, both painted to look as though they were made of wood. Each table only sat two people, and most of them were full.

Full of the city’s worst. Villains who had hurt people, who had killed dozens.

They seemed happy enough, at least based upon the expressions on their faces. It was just about as typical as a cafeteria during mealtime could get.

Except for the quiet.

Even with the two dozen or so people sitting and eating, not a single one spoke. Each and every one of them seemed intent on sitting and eating the food before them.

Hero scanned the room a moment, gaze eventually setting upon one of the few tables with an empty chair. They didn't recognize the villain very well. They may have had ice-related powers, or something of the like. But they had fought, at least once. And Hero didn’t remember them being that horrible.

It was something. It was the best they were going to get.

“Head Doctor?” They spoke up.

“Yes, Hero?”

“There’s someone else here, I want to speak to.” They gestured towards the villain, sitting alone. Staring at their food. Engrossed. “We used to, um, we fought a lot. I want to talk to them.”

“Oh? Well, that’s just fine by me. It’s always good to reconcile. They’re a model patient. Do you want anything to eat?”

“No thank you.”

“Alright, then. I’ll be back at the end of lunch, if that sounds alright?”

“That’s just fine.”

“Splendid! I will see you then, Hero.”

Hero ducked their head in agreement, waiting until the doctor had left before approaching the table. They moved slowly, taking a seat across from the villain that they couldn’t so much as remember the name of. Even as they sat down, the person across from the table did not so much as bat an eye.

They only did so when Hero spoke up:

“Um, hello.”

It was oddly slow, the way in which the villain raised their head. They placed down their fork gingerly, smiling.

“Hello, Hero. I haven’t seen you in quite some time.”

“Uh, you neither. How are you doing?”

“I am doing just fine, Hero.” It was terribly stilted, the way in which they spoke, as though they had to carefully consider each word. “How are you doing?”

“Fine.”

“Did you come here to visit me?”

“Um, not you specifically. I came here to visit Villain.”

The edges of the villain’s smile flickered a moment, as if continuing to keep them upturned was quickly becoming a major effort.

“You should leave this place, Hero.” Even as they said it, their smile never fell. “It’s not worth it.”

Their hand gripped around the handle of their fork.

“Do you know where they are? Where Villain is?”

“Yes I do, Hero. I did not think you would care. It is you who put them here.”

“I didn’t do anything. Are they-” They looked around, expecting to see at least one guard, one nurse, one orderly. But the dining hall was barren of every person except villains. “Are they okay?”

“If I tell you that, I will end up like them. You do not want to be in this place, Hero. You should leave this place.”

“Um-” A single drop of sweat dripped down the side of their face, tracing their jawline. “I really suddenly need to use the bathroom.”

“It’s right there.” The villain raised a hand, pointing to a door labelled ‘16 - Restrooms′. “The bathroom is in room 43.”

Hero didn’t have to be given the hint twice.

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Thanks so much for reading! Just like last time, there are two options along with every part of this story. Alongside each options is a question, so that you guys can give more specific suggestions if you so wish. The option that receives the most votes will be the choice that our Hero makes!

A.) Risk it all and attempt a prison break - Should Hero attempt to free the others, as well?

B.) Don’t take the risk. Leave and reconsider - Should Hero tell anyone what they saw?

#whump #whumpee #whumblr #nemesis #hero villain whump #whump community #villain whumpee #hero villain prompt #hero villain #choose your own adventure #choose your own whump

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shigarakispuppy · 4 years ago

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BNHA BOYS REACT WHEN YOUR EX IS HITTING ON YOU IN PUBLIC

Tw- Slight violence in bakugos

I have the villains and pros posted but tumblrs lame and decided to shadowban it T-T but it’s on my profile!

💣💥Katsuki Bakugo💥💣

Will not hesitate to cut a bitch

This man could care less about what they think of him

He ignores any fangirls/boys who hit on him -

But you???

You’re his

he’s gonna make sure your ex is well aware of it

Boku comes back without a scratch on his body

...however your ex is COVERED in bumps and bruises

“Don’t you think you took it too far Bakugo?”

“Shut up and be greatful”

☀️✨Mirio Togata✨☀️

Honestly the purest of them

Your ex partner stares at you for a little too long

Will most likely give them a taste of their own medicine

Will wink at them from across the room

Make them uncomfortable with blow kisses and compliments

Write his number on a napkin and slides it to your ex

They look disgusted and feel too awkward to say anything

🐶💚Izuku Midoriya💚🐶

Would honestly just try to distract you from them

Lots of joke telling, compliments, and small kisses

“Are you okay?”

“This is the 12th time you’ve asked, Deku.”

If they get too close to you he will politely ask them to leave

If they don’t stop he will probably give them a long ass lecture of why harassment “isn’t cool”

He tries his best - he really does

Your ex will probably get tired of hearing him talk so they’ll jolt outa there pretty quickly

In his mind he thought he told them off but in reality you know they just got bored of listening to his speech

But you don’t tell him because it makes him feel manly

🤍🧊Shoto Todoroki 🔥❤️

His cold stare could make seagulls flock from a piece of bread

Your ex walks in the restaurant and strikes up a conversation with you, ignoring shoto

Now, our icythot isn’t the best with social situations (let alone a relationship)

He has a hard time reading the room but once he realizes what’s going on - he quickly leans forward and gives the person an intimidating glare

“Me and my s/o would now like to enjoy our date together so if you don’t mind... leaving.”

The ex met his eyes and quickly stumbled away from the table

His eyes can cut through butter *shivers*

🦿📖Tenya Ida📖🦿

If you don’t have something nice to say don’t say nothin at all

Now Tenya isn’t once for conflict (unless they’re arguments of course)

Your ex will try to say hello and strike up a conversation but THIS MAN

“Woah y/n did you hear something?”

“No but it sure feels like someone’s standing right next to us...creepy...”

The ex immediately catches on and scoffs, leaving you two alone for the night

🖤🦅Fumikage Tokoyami🦅🖤

He’s pretty used to giving people the creeps already

He’s had to deal with shitty people enough through his life so he knows exactly what to do to make them leave him alone

Your ex approaches you two at the park and you go into straight panic mode

You attempt to bury yourself in his cape “Oh no...hide me”

Instead - he grabs his backpack pulling out an oujia board, some candles, and other ritual items that he uses when he practices

“Alright y/n, so who is this ex you would like to curse?” Tokoyami says loud and clear

Looking up, you see your past lover turn around and yeet the other direction

💜🐈 Hitoshi Shinsou 🐈💜

Would probably be the most forward about it

We all know he’s not afraid to say what he’s thinking

“This is my s/o now.”

The ex won’t go away? Harassment?

It’s evil shinso time-

“Since you’re so aggressive about trying to take my partner...”

Quirk activated

“Why don’t you put on a little show and try to win them over” ;;)))

Next thing you know the past lover is standing on the table doing a terrible strip tease infront of the whole diner

💜🐙Tamaki Amajiki 🐙💜

This poor boy

Will just silently watch you two interact

He can obviously see your uncomfortable but he’s so filled with both anger and anxiety - but he just stands there

But the moment your ex touches you and you flinch, he quickly gets in between you two.

“Don’t ever lay a finger on y/n again.” Tamaki says in a stern voice while he looks your ex dead in the eyes.

WHAT???

Once your ex walks away, Tamaki turns around to see you looking confused as HELL

“S-sorry...I didn’t kno-“ you stop him mid scentence with a kiss, thanking him for his bravery

⚡️💛 Denki Kaminari 💛⚡️

Oh? Your ex is following you at the mall

Ain’t NOBODY taking away a love he worked so hard to get

He senses them following you two around the mall for awhile, even sitting a few tables away at the food court.

Like he finally got a partner?? And this person has the AUDACITY to flirt with them?

Your lightning boy had officially had it when your previous partner tapped you on the shoulder on the way down the escalator

He pulled you in and started making out with you right then in there

“Oh sorry, did you need something?” Denki smirks

“I uh- uh, just needed to get by....”

⛰ ❤️ Kirishima ❤️⛰

Would def try to alpha-male who ever is talking to you

Your past lover walks up to you to strike up a conversation

*alpha male activated*

Literally every few words your ex spits out kaminari flexes his arms and sighs loudly, acting annoyed at the conversation you two are having

“Wanna feel that babe?”

You smile quickly catching onto what’s going on

“Yeah feel this rad manly six pack I’ve got goin on, haha! Oh! You can feel too if you’d like” Kirishima offers them by lifting up his shirt

Uncomfortable and feeling quite inferior, your ex leaves with a soft goodbye

Kaminari smirks at his victory accomplishment and grabs you by the hand to finish your date

It’s been awhile!! Pros + Villains will be up shortly! Sorry I haven’t been posting unfortunately my home was struck with Covid and it’s been super stressful! But I will be updating more frequently ❤️

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toothpastecanyon · 3 years ago

Text

We Creatures, Chapter 1

When Alcor felt Mizar calling to him, he came to help. Perhaps, this one time, he should have stayed asleep.

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

______________________________________________________________

Sometimes Alcor the Dreambender was a terrible name, a name spoken by doomsday cults, by grieving widows, by pale newscasters over aerial shots of burning rubble. Sometimes Alcor the Dreambender was a soft name, whispered by children who’d found an unlikely friend.

And sometimes, it was neither. Sometimes Alcor the Dreambender came out of a bad period, and into a quiet period. He didn’t feel like himself, but he’d gotten bored of the violence, bored of the blood, bored of the world, and for a few centuries he’d just… let it be. He’d sit in the fields of his Mindscape, close his eyes, and rest.

When he felt like this, only a very special call could wake him from his slumber.

Alcor…

A wing twitched.

Alcor…

A brow furrowed.

Help me.

An eye opened.

That felt like Mizar.

______________________________________________________________

The smell hit him first. It was rank, wet, and pungent like he was standing knee deep in a sewer - and looking around, it seemed very much like he was. Dirty concrete and trash-filled water was all he could see in either direction, and the ceiling was so low his hat was phasing through it. Alcor wrinkled his nose at the mixture swilling around his leggings; he considered just leaving now, returning back to his comfy rest, but-

“You came.”

A voice. Her voice. He turned, and saw her standing beside a rough circle scratched into the curving walls. Her face looked strange to him for a second, but… wow. She looked a lot like Mabel.

“I didn’t know if you would,” she continued, and her voice sounded like Mabel too, didn’t it? “These haven’t worked in over a hundred years.”

Alcor didn’t know what to say. Maybe he’d forgotten - it was a long time since he’d last spoken. Mizar didn’t wait for a reply.

“Listen: you have to help me. There’s these - these elves, they think I killed one of their own.” Her fists balled. “I didn’t do anything, but they’re hunting me. You can’t let them get to me.”

Alcor blinked slowly. Help. He… he could help. He reached out a hand - and frowned when Mizar recoiled.

“No, no teleports! They’ll, they’ll track the signal, don’t touch me. Just help me lose them, okay?”

There was something missing, here. Something he needed. Almost on cue, Mizar started fishing something out of her sweater.

“Hold on, hold on… here it is!” She opened her hand, revealing a tiny crystal twinkling on her palm. “One pristine elder dewdrop. Closest thing to a soul I could give you - just this much could turn New York into the Amazon.” A grin. “So, we doing this?”

For a moment, Alcor just stared at her. He stared at her brown eyes, at her long flowing hair, at her bright sweater and skirt. He stared at the freckles on her cheeks, and the jangly bracelets on her arms. He stared at her hand, outstretched to take his, and reached out-

“Hey, we agreed, no touchy.” She stepped back. “Deal?”

Alcor parted his lips.

“D̳̭̹̺̲̠̪̼́e̡̯̮͝a̹̥̜̘ͅl, M̰͝i̞̝z͕̙̞͙a͖̥̮̖̗̯͈͝͡r̜̰̗̹ͅ.”

The sound echoed down the tunnels, and Mizar wrinkled her nose.

“Real master of subtlety, aren’t you. Well, a deal’s a deal, soooo…” she turned, and tossed the dewdrop over her shoulder. “follow me, big guy.”

And off she waded, wet trash piling over her white socks. Alcor didn’t quite float behind her as much as he was behind her; he willed himself to always stand a few feet behind her as she moved forwards, and the edge of his shoes clipped through the concrete as the tunnel took a turn.

After a little while, Mizar glanced back in amusement. “I take back what I say about you being loud,” she said. “I keep having to check you’re still there. That’s a neat trick.”

Alcor stared at the shine in her eyes, at the little snort she gave.

“Not a talker, are you?” She turned back, and stepped over a large mound of filthy tissues. “Eh, that’s okay with me, I don’t need you for talking.”

Talking… Alcor remembered talking. He remembered sitting with his Mizar for hours, talking about emotions, about favourite shows, about grief, about dinner. He frowned at the back of her head.

“Mizar?”

“Oh, great. Shouldn’t have said nothing - what?”

“What’s…” He paused, and thought. “Why… Do you like…?”

Mizar waited for him to finish, but when nothing came out, she chuckled. “Jeez, you okay, man? You sound like me when I wake up.”

“Wake up…” He nodded. “Wake up. I wake up.”

“Wish I could offer you a coffee.” She chuckled. “Anway-”

“This is-” Alcor frowned. “We’re… running from elves?” He rubbed his head. “I don’t remember them doing this to humans… hunting humans. Why are they-”

Mizar stopped. “Hold that thought,” she said, and pressed an ear to the concrete. “You hear that?”

He listened, and he could hear everything. The trickle of water, the hum of a nearby powerline… the flap of a butterfly’s wing on the other side of the planet.

“Yeah…” Mizar said, nodding. “That’s the sound of you not talking. I like it.”

Alcor watched as she straightened.

“Not trying to be rude, man. But elves can hear you from the surface, so shut up and keep up.”

______________________________________________________________

It was a couple hours of slow, silent, walking, and Alcor was starting to remember why he’d left this human world. The drudgery, the boredom, the sheer human waste he was literally trudging through… what did he like about helping people, again? And where were they going?

He’d tried to ask, but the most he’d gotten out of her was a “Zip it.” By the way she was navigating the tunnels, though, they were definitely going somewhere; his omniscience wasn’t cooperating on where, so he resigned himself to finding out when they got there.

He even closed his eyes a little, letting the tether between their souls take him along for the ride. He thought of the soft grass in his Mindscape, and prayed that he could return to it soon.

Soon…

“Wake up.”

Her voice. Alcor opened his eyes, and saw her climbing out of a culvert. She offered a hand - and then quickly retracted it.

“Come on, this, this way.”

Alcor climbed out, and found himself standing at the beginning of a little moonlit creek. From the sounds of it there was a highway not far away, but Mizar was stumbling into the forest.

“Hey,” Alcor frowned. “Uh, shouldn’t we be going away from the forest? The elves-”

“Shut up!” Mizar snapped. “Shut up, will you!”

Her hands were shaking, he noticed. He watched her clasp them together, like she was restraining herself.

“Sorry, just…” she started, and then sighed. “You’re… a lot right now, I need to - I… Just trust me, okay?”

Alcor cocked his head. “Are you okay?”

“Just trust me,” she muttered, hobbling past trees. “Just trust me…”

Frowning, he did follow her. They seemed to be walking some sort of overgrown trail; ferns had definitely broken it up, but he could see the way it still cut through the trees. It wasn’t long until they came upon a small shack in the woods; this too looked abandoned, but by the way Mizar started forwards, it was where they’d been headed.

“Mizar-”

“Wait! Wait there. Wait there.” Mizar was biting her knuckle. “Wait there, please. Trust me.”

His frown deepened. Something was definitely off about this… but he was letting her go, wasn’t he? He heard the door slam, and stood there a little awkwardly. There was an old firepit in front of the cabin, and two mossy logs opposite each other. They were probably benches, but they were damp and slippery… no one had been here in a long time. He looked up at the black sheets covering the cabin’s broken windows.

Not to camp, anyway.

There was a noise as the door creaked open. Mizar strolled out, hands in her pockets.

“Alright,” she said. “Sorry about that. Anyway, we better keep going.”

“What was in there?”

“Hmm?” Mizar smiled wider. “Oh, just an old shed. Had to get some supplies.” A pause. “You can take a look if you really want to, but there’s nothing in there.”

Alcor hesitated, and then took a couple steps towards the shack. He noticed the smell as he got closer - sewage - and the wards. They were uncomfortably strong, and kept him from looking in until he opened the door, and saw…

...Not much at all. There was an old table and a bed, but the only truly unusual thing was the two piles of magi-orbs sitting in the corner. There was a small pile of working ones, but the other, larger stack was all defunct; their screen had cracked or gone foggy, and they were covered in grime.

“Find any bodies?”

Alcor glanced over at Mizar, who was waving at him from the trees. He made a face, and then closed the door and floated back over to her.

“Glad you got that out of your system. Now come on.”

“What were all those magi-orbs for?”

“It’s a side business, I fix ‘em.”

“In an abandoned shack in the woods?”

“I like the solitude.” Mizar bared a smile at him. “Speaking of solitude-”

He reached out and grabbed her arm. He felt her stiffen, and then relax… and nothing more than that.

“Do you mind?”

Alcor was frowning as he took his hand away. “You’re… strange. You’re hiding something.”

“If you say so.”

“I know why the elves are chasing you.” He felt the dewdrop in his pocket. “Your end of the deal… you stole that from them, didn’t you?”

Mizar shrugged.

“Why would you do that? How did you do that?” He rubbed his head. “You… I wasn’t thinking about it earlier, but you’re just a human, how on Earth did you-”

“Shh.”

“No, don’t shush me this time, I-”

“Shut up.”

Mizar had gone very still, and that was when Alcor noticed the forest had gone absolutely silent. There wasn’t a cricket to be heard; in its place was something ancient, something angry, something… watching him. He locked eyes with Mizar, and her subtle nod said everything.

They were here.

Alcor didn’t see a knife coming until it opened his throat. He whirled around, and a shadowy figure was there - no, gone, and vines were erupting around his feet. It was strange magic, harder to break, and he gave a roar before incinerating it with a blast of blue fire.

Now he looked for elves, and he could see four souls shining bright as day as they were pinning Mizar down. He launched himself at one and tore its throat out, relished in the gargled cry it made. Oh, this he missed. It was- ack!

Magic… magic that hurt. He fixed his eyes on the elf that had come from, and-

A blade erupted out of its belly. Alcor could see its aura flash with surprise, and as it fell he saw another elf standing behind it. Mizar was standing beside it, smiling.

“Good, you got it. Excellent.” She spoke in perfect elvish, and hefted one of their blades. “You’re bleeding. Stand still, let me…”

And she lopped its head clean off. Its body hung there for a second, then dropped to the ground, spurting and convulsing. Mizar stared down at the body with an unreadable expression.

“Mizar?”

Almost unconsciously, she traced her finger across the bloodied blade, brought it close to her lips. Alcor made a tentative step forwards.

“Mizar?”

“Huh?” Mizar looked up, and saw him. “Oh… some fight, huh?” She tossed the blade away. “Saw what you did to that guy - glad you’re on my side!”

“Yeah…” Alcor traced his eye across the battlefield. He’d downed one elf, there were the two he saw Mizar take out… and there was the fourth one, lying some ways away, still breathing. He could see a deep, sucking chest wound, like a bear had slashed him down the middle, and next to him was a strange shattered visor.

All of the elves had been wearing those - it struck him how strangely… artificial they were, compared to their enchanted bark armour and bone-carved swords. He made to pick one up, but-

“Hey, no time to admire your work, we gotta move!” Mizar glanced over at him. “Oof, is that one still alive? Poor guy.”

Alcor looked at her, then back down at the elf. It… he looked young for an elf, and scared. He was staring up at Alcor with wide eyes, shaking his head, trying to speak through the blood pooling in his lungs…

Alcor closed his eyes. He snapped his fingers once, and when he opened them, the soul had left. It was just a body, now.

Just another petty mortal he’d killed, but it wasn’t quite as fun anymore. The pit in his stomach - was this his conscience coming back? It had been a while, for sure.

There was a hand on his shoulder, and he saw Mizar standing there with him. When he met her eyes, she gave a little smile, and motioned him to follow.

She stepped over his body and continued forwards. After a moment, Dipper stepped around, and followed.

#transcendence au #alcor the dreambender #magic lore #elves #worldbuilding #toothwrites

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xenosgirlvents · 4 years ago

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Hey can I rant to you about how I find the mono-focus on the very much human dominated forces of Chaos as the real bad guy of 40k to be honestly even worse than the Imperiaal focus? You know what I always wanted in 40k? Lizardmen, Alien Ogres, Space Dwarfs, Skaven, and some Vampire Counts to the Necrons’ Tomb Kings. In WHFB only three playable armies were human (five if you count the undead as human) and WHFB had a larger number of independent factions than 40k. Meanwhile in 40k about half of all the armies in the game are Imperial and another large chunk are the equally insufferable legions of Chaos as the two factions circlejerk over who is the more racist and xenophobic. While in FB you had the annoying emphasis on Chaos as the one true threat (which is increasingly being emphasised in 40k including the awful, awful retcons they want to do to the war in heaven where what was supposed to be the xenos equivalent to the horus heresy gets “akshually the real bad guy is chaos lawl” shoved into it), humanity was just a part of the struggle against it or other forces such as Undeath or the Greenskins. Not even the biggest part, with the High Elves, Lizardmen, and Dwarfs all bearing more of the burden than the Empire or Bretonnia. Meanwhile, while theoretically 40k is a setting where non-chaos bad guys are more relevant and more able to defeat Chaos and take over as the one; the non-humans actually do less. Chaos is the only bad guy faction allowed to have permanent wins, to be undefeatable without any asterisks marks and whose fanboys (including GW’s writing team) love to endlessly circlejerk about how opposing Chaos is useless because they’ll get you in the end. And how 40k is really about humanity’s inevitably doomed succumbing to Chaos and how the Chaos Space Marines and Daemons are the destined victors and blah-de-blah. Any time an effective counter to chaos is written about in any other faction’s lore; the Chaos favouratism gets to show with “akshually chaos overcomes this because phhbbbbbt” with eye-rolling descriptions of how Chaos overwhelms say; the Tyranid hive mind by scattering it with the great rift, or how the death guard can infect nurgle, or how actually Tzeentch only pretended to lose to the Eldar or how Slaanesh actually pulled a fast one over the T'au. Nobody is allowed to be more of a threat than the Chaos Space Marines and Daemons even though the former are literally a bunch of spoiled paramilitary stormtroopers salty about the Emperor saying they weren’t allowed to rule over normal humanity like god-kings and the latter have lore that is fifty million variations of “lol inevitable victory”. The Chaos Space Marines are so lacking in numbers, so incapable of large scale cooperation not riven with petty fratricidal personal rivalries, so bereft of a functional logistical train, and are lead by such an insufferable band of edgy cartoon villains that they should honestly be little more than a nuisance that the Imperium only focuses on because of their symbolic threat. An annoyance compared to the much more organised and vastly more numerous and far better at exponentially scaling up power of the Necrons, the Tyranids, or the Orks. One that is carrying out an empty, pointless rivalry sparked largely over a bunch of stormtroopers being furious about not being allowed to be kings. Wouldn’t it be more thematically meaningful and fit better into the cosmic horror that 40k wants to be if Chaos was actually mostly a symbolic threat that would be ignorable if the Imperium wasn’t still spooked over what amounted to an attempted religiously motivated military coup ten thousand years ago and that ultimately; this petty rivalry doesn’t matter? That the bitter hatred over Horus’ coup ultimately is meaningless in the face of the fact that this galaxy, this universe, has never belonged to humanity or anything spawned of it? Khorne may feed off the violence of humanity and many minor xenos species; but Gork and Mork are a far more pure form of warmongering and what we now know as the Greenskins are just the tip of the iceberg compared to what they can really do when the WAAAGH! gets rolling. Nurgle may be an infestation of humanity’s despair and inability to progress but the Tyranids are the cancer that will kill the universe itself. Tzeentch may be clever and ancient as the firstborn of Chaos; but the Necrons have plans stretching back to before even the very idea of Tzeentch came into being. And of course, unlike the Dark Elves; the Druklhari aren’t really a major villain or threat. Vect is just kind of an asshole in his own little corner, not one of the top big bads the way Malekith was. But nah instead we get CHAOSCHAOSCHAOSCHAOSCHAOS coupled with ADB and Reynolds’ bizarre (but in hindsight, given what we’re shown of Chaos; sensible) revelation that actually Chaos is even more racist than the Imperium. It leads to 40k’s central conflict being between Satanist Ethnonationalist AnCaps and TradCath Ethnonationalist Reactionaries. Creepy bloodthirsty edgelords versus Roman bust twitter pfps. None of the other villains are ever allowed to “usurp” Chaos’ place as “the real threat” and any time non-chaotic bad guys get a time to shine, the Chaos writers pitch a fit and force in awful reminders that Chaos is actually the real threat behind everything and can never ever lose. It makes Chaos come off less as an interesting villain and more of a childish edgelord fantasy written by a bunch of kids who go “nuh uh!” everytime they take the L or insinuate that spikelord edgy mcgee is anything less than the coolest bad guy ever made. The fandom makes fun of Abaddon because he textually hasn’t really done much in thirteen tries? Well actually retcon in some outlandishly complicated super duper secret plan so that he and his army of *checks notes* less than one million racist storm troopers in ancap colours are actually totally the greatest threat in the setting and not the vastly more organised Tyranids or more tactically competent Necrons or the more numerous Orks. People still make fun of abaddon because he looks like a goofy mook rather than an awesome overlord (at least Archaon looks like someone you’d immediately figure for as the big bad of a setting; Abaddon looks more like…the real bad guy’s stupid but strong brute muscle enforcer)? Have an entire novel series written to squee about how awesome and cool he is which literally none of the other “big bad” factions’ primary characters have ever gotten. Also I am sick to death of how GW pushes Khorne as the unbeatable poster bad boy of the entire setting over and above even the rest of Chaos. Yeah his aesthetic is simple, marketable, and he’s incredibly easy to write into plots (even if I think there’s never been more interesting takes on Khorne where he’s shown as actually capable of cleverness in the pursuit of maximising mindless death and destruction as we see in Dawn of War 1 and Dawn of War 2 Retribution; where the Khornate villains have an impressively clever scheme even if the end goal is just “kill people”) and you can explain his concept to anyone. Please stop trying to throw him into literally everything and let other bad guys have even a little bit of spotlight. Octarius and Armageddon? Khorne crashes the party. Tzeentch threatens Luna? Well akshually Khorne invades Terra, take that nerds. Where does Khorne even get all these worshippers to yeet themselves into every warzone in existence when he probably offers the least to his followers that most people would want?

So on some points I agree with you, others I disagree, and in some places I understand the general feeling you’re conveying but am not quite so vitriolic.

Yes; I wish 40k as a setting was more akin to WHFB and AoS in that it permitted more factions to matter. 40k is, I agree, so myopic in it’s focus that it becomes frustrating. If the other factions weren’t playable I would understand, certainly, but if you’re going to offer players a chance to invest in the Xenos factions but then just never give them any return on that investment it feels like nothing more than lying to people.

Similarly; I also wish we saw more of a non-Human (and even then more of a non-Chaos Space Marine) component to Chaos. I find it hard to take Chaos seriously as a universal force when, over their supposedly non-linear/infinite period of existence they seem to never have done anything other than obsess over one species who, compared to the majority of other playable species in the game, have been around insanely briefly.

Yes; I do agree that I wish at times Chaos wasn’t used to usurp Xenos threats just to pull the old ‘but Chaos was the true villain all along’, see what you mention about the Hive Mind and the Great Rift, about Chaos usurping Orks on Armageddon etc. etc.

However, I disagree that Chaos is remotely as irritatingly favoured in the lore as the Imperium. Yes, it is true, that it is not infrequently written in vague terms that ‘you are all doomed, Chaos comes for you,’ but, in the majority of cases, this is purely informed, never shown. It is akin to the lines that tell us ‘Aeldari are so smart and elite,’ but then we just get shown them being curbstomped over and over again. We’re ‘told’ Chaos is some great looming threat which will win...but in practise they do only mildly better than Xenos in the lore, with Chaos losing the vast majority of everything they ever do in the lore, just like Xenos. I will admit Chaos has, lately, done *marginally* better in the lore, and that is definitely connected, as you say, to the active focus to make Chaos the ‘big bad’ now, but it is still only marginal.

I do agree that I would prefer not to see Chaos made to eclipse all other threats but my main motivation here is just because in 40k, as you point out, Chaos is never separated from the Imperium. In WHFB and AoS Chaos can take on a plurality of forms and is not just a ‘spikier’ version of the main human faction. For this reason the recent feeling I have had is just that 40k is increasingly becoming a clone of the Horus Heresy which, as someone who likes Xenos, is obviously a disappointment.

I don’t share your very strong disdain for Chaos. For the most part, in 40k’s lore, I feel Chaos is largely akin to Xenos in that we’re all glorified punching bags for Space Marines (you yourself point out Abaddon’s memetic loser status). I concede Chaos does *marginally* better but, at current, that is so inconsequential to me that it doesn’t bother me anywhere near as much as the treatment of Xenos vis-a-vise the Imperium.

My personal take is I think the favouritism as an antagonist, shown to Chaos, is less detrimental to the cause of Xenos agency in the lore than the raging boner GW and BL have for the Imperium and, in particular Space Marines.

I also, in general, think Chaos would benefit from being developed in a more nuanced way. I don’t see them quite as cardboard-cut out as you seem too (not denying many are because BL and GW can’t write non-Imperium characters well mostly) but I think many of them have, and to an extent do also, get treated more nuanced in some of the literature. I do think a big failing here is that Black Library has made *some* efforts to make *some* of the Chaos characters interesting and nuanced but, for some reason, GW tends to just ignore this. Hence Magnus can in his own novels be portrayed as sympathetic due to his loyalty to his people and desire to not persecute Psykers, but then when appearing in a campaign supplement just makes the stock-generic ‘bow before me mortals/I am your doom/all shall fall’ comments with little to no character.

Personally, and this is recognizing as I said above that I do understand some of the points you’re making, I feel like Chaos players and Xenos players, in terms of the lore treating us like crap, have more in common than not. But, again, that’s just my personal opinion!

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wu-sisyphus-gang · 3 years ago

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Motion Sickness 27.1

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I wasn't the sort to dwell on what Weiss had wanted from me. Well I totally was. I dwelt on everything. I was a dweller. But I was also the sort to get my workout in anyways.

Really, my thoughts were on Eminence and her partner. The people I had killed. They hadn't acted like gang members or at least not like the picture I had in my head of gang members. What with the pleas for me to spare their lives and all.

Well maybe the picture I had of gang members was of non-people. Then when I encountered some people and killed them I was surprised to find out that they were the same as anybody else. They had died the same as everybody else would, or at least most people would; together, if they were lucky, and begging for their lives, besides.

Qrow wheeled out on me while I was practicing my Limit Breaks and just watched me move around for a long time.

"Enjoying the view?" I asked.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"How are you feeling, kid."

"Like a murderer and a liar."

"We both know why we had to keep it from Ruby. Now we just have one more favor from Ms. Malachite."

"Assuming she keeps her word. I don't trust these criminals as much as you do."

"She will. She has to uphold deals she makes in front of her men in good faith. Or else they'll start to wonder about their own paychecks. It's a little bit of honor amongst thieves. It's more to prevent backstabbing than out of any real sense of honor, though. Trust that."

"Gee, if you say it like that I really have no choice."

"Tell me how you really feel."

"I feel… all kinds of fucked up. I want to talk to Ruby about it but I can't and it's leaving me more fucked up."

"You know why we can't talk to Ruby about it. As far as she is concerned it's just one favor. Scroll keys out of Don Corneo."

"I'm supposed to just live with this. Live with myself."

"Yeah kid. Just like the rest of us."

"The thing is I think I can do it. I think I can do it easily , too. That scares me."

"Sounds too complicated for me. It sounds like you're struggling; just the same as I do."

I grunted and swung my sword at nothing. "It's not quite the same. And all I have to talk to about it is you."

"Easy kid. Have a drink. Relax. There's nothing you can change about it now and nothing you would want to anyways."

I inhaled a shaking breath. He was right. Qrow needed legs. I had to be the one to kill them. It had to be done. No one of my friends would have done it. Didn't that make it wrong? None of them would have approved. I already had the answers I needed. I just didn't like them.

"Who were they? What did they do to deserve having me come after them?"

"Does it really matter? Come on have a drink."

"I don't want to drink anymore."

"You need to relax somehow."

"I am. This is what I do to relax now."

This was how I'd relax for the rest of my life. I swung the sword fast enough that it made several satisfying thwump sounds in the air.

"Well, we wanted to discuss the matter of infiltrating Don Corneo's workplace with you." It was Ozpin. Someone I wanted to talk to even less.

"What about it? We don't need to risk Ruby or Nora now. And I don't need to wear a dress. We have Yang."

"I'm not super comfortable with my niece going in there."

"But you're comfortable with me killing people." I wiped my brow and glared at Qrow. "Your priorities are fucked."

"Easy on the language, now." Ozpin said with Oscar's mouth. "It's good that we have only one favor between us and getting Qrow back on his feet. Then, thanks to Ms. Xiao Long and Ms. Schnee being with us again, things are better now than they were yesterday."

"What does better for you even mean?" I wondered. "How do you handle the lying and the murder?"

"So long as they don't ask us about it, it's hardly lying. And from what you told Qrow you did kill somebody in a near bar fight. The story you told your friends merely bordered on the truth." Ozpin lectured. "As for killing it never gets any easier. And that's a good thing. Though we take life we don't make any light of it." I exhaled hard. It was no new advice. "And we don't make sport of it. I heard you encountered one of the people drafted to Salem's side."

"The Scorpion."

"Yes. Tyrian. There are others too. Others like Hazel Rainart. They would not be so disturbed by violence as you are. Let them serve as a counterpoint. Would the man who attacked Ruby and yourself be upset if they had killed someone? Perhaps. But not like you are now."

"I get it. I get it." I sighed. "You wanted to talk about the infiltration mission. I vote Yang."

"We should discuss it." Qrow interceded.

"We are." Ozpin and I said at the same time. That pissed me off.

"I don't like the idea of her in there."

"You think I have a chance in a dress? I can rock a dress but I'm missing a certain je ne sais quoi that Yang has."

"You didn't want Ms. Rose or Ms. Valkyrie to do it. Why Ms. Xaio Long?"

"Je ne sais quoi."

"Yes. I suppose so." Ozpin relented. "Over Ms. Schnee too, I suppose. Our Target has a predilection for the type who frequent such places. Ms. Xaio Long is a match for, at least in looks."

"She looks like a party girl who knows how to earn a little extra cash is what you're saying." Qrow wasn't happy about it. "I get it though. Maybe she is our best bet."

"She bragged about going clubbing at Beacon. She has experience I don't. Plus she has infinitely more time spent in a female body than me. She knows how to use it better than I can fathom."

"We should have a backup plan," Ozpin insisted.

"She can wear a wire and everyone else can be waiting outside. There's five of us in huntsman-shape. Speaking of shouldn't they be here for this conversation. Part of being open with everyone."

"I wanted to have a quick think-tank and see what you thought." Ozpin dismissed my jab at him. "Qrow trusts your instincts."

"I don't like any of it. I think somebody is going to get hurt. I think Don Corneo from what we know is a scumbag."

"And what do you think of Leonardo?"

I faltered for a moment. "I don't trust him. I don't like how Cinder and her allies snuck past him." If Ozpin thought hard about it he would see how I don't trust him either. I snuck past him. I could have gotten myself or somebody else killed.

And he picked me over some more qualified student who had a better, more authentic resume. He chose me anyways. Why? Was he incompetent? I sure used to be. Or could he actually see my potential and what I would become and thought it was worth the risk.

If so, then it was a hell of a risk. I could have been one of Salem's agents if only I wasn't such a failure. He trusted too easily in any case that was kind to him.

"If you don't mind me asking, uh- Mr. Arc, how did you get as strong as you are?"

It was Oscar this time and I was stumped for the question. I found my gaze flicking over his head to Qrow for a second who only offered me a shrug.

"What do you mean?" I wondered. "And it's just Jaune."

"Jaune, then. It's your mentality. You have this mindset that sets you apart from everyone else."

"I wasn't always this jaded. If you want strength look at Ruby." Emotional or physical.

"It's not that or at least not just that. I've already asked her too. She's something special. You are too, though. Even with the fate of the world as it is, you still train day in and day out and do everything you have to, even if it hurts you. You've even killed people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not afraid of the dirty work."

"It's not something to be proud of but Qrow's done it too."

"But he's not our age. Or your age, at least."

"I have to. I suppose. Or my friends, those that are still here, will bite it too. That keeps me going. What's left of my team and Ruby's team too."

"Can you teach me?"

"How to have friends? Haven't got a clue. Sorry."

"Not that. I need somebody to teach me swordsmanship. How to use my weapon. Or start to until Qrow is back up."

Qrow gave an enormous sigh from the chair. For my part I hesitated again. I wasn't the sort, didn't have the training myself. But this was one of those things I wasn't sure I could say no to.

The right thing to do would be to teach him. Pyrrha would want me to. Ruby might even ask me to. That pretty much sealed it.

"I won't take it easy on you." I drew the long sword and posited the cross shaped shield on my back. "Can't afford to."

"Really? That's fantastic! I was worried you didn't like me. Wait is this one of those things where you mean right now?"

"Why? Are you too busy?" I mocked him. He took it as friendly teasing. And it was, at least to some degree. The kid was not Ozpin. Not yet.

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There was something in the basement. In the tall white house in the middle of the woods where my sisters and I lived with our mother something definitely lurked away in the dark dusty corners of the underside of our house.

I had to be the brave one. I was the oldest. I was a guy. It was time to be a man. It was time to stop being afraid of the shadows which hung on the walls under soft grey lights.

I’d been in the basement a thousand times and I’d been fine literally every time. But still I was afraid of our basement. I was scared of shutting the lights off and walking up the stairs and turning my back on that total darkness. It was just so empty and complete.

No lights penetrated within and the lights which did shine in the basement were dull and weak. It was always dark down there. It was always dusty and had the faint smell of iron or copper.

I went down to get a gallon of milk for my mother. A little errand for a big boy. It should have been no problem for me.

I walked down the stairs. This was the easy part. I turned on the lights and everything was fine. Dark still. But it was fine. There were no Grimm or other goulish monsters down here. It was fine, I reminded myself that frequently and with force.

You’ve been down here so many times and nothing bad has happened a single time.

That didn’t stave off my irrational fears. Just because I knew a fear was irritation didn’t mean I could suddenly control it. We don’t choose our fears any more than we choose what food to like. It was automatic. It was outside of our control. And the dusty smell of iron pressed in on me as I opened the fridge. The light inside the fridge was brighter than the grey lights of the round bulbs in the ceiling. This was the easiest part. It was the part when the room was most lit up.

I grabbed the jug of milk from the shelf easily enough. There was no problem to that at all either. I was strong enough for this. I turned around. I saw little Lily standing in the stairs by the door. Her eyes bulged in their sockets and grew strangely to cover most of her face in a distorted wave like fashion. Her nose and lips and ears shrank and all her hair fell out. She started screaming.

It was a high pitched wail that made my bones and ears ache. Then she shut the door on me slowly and turned off the lights. I was locked in the basement. Alone in the dark with the cold milk jug in my hand.

I raced to the door and fumbled blindly for the handle. When I finally grasped it it was only to discover the door was locked from the other side. I retreated back into the room and dropped the jug. The plastic shattered and milk went everywhere. It coated my legs nice and cold. I crawled on all fours. I searched for the fridge with reaching hands. A square corner. It wasn’t here. It must be to the left. In the total darkness I found the fridge and opened it to get some light. To get some respite.

Inside the fridge was a skinless, hairless, eyeless thing. It twitched it’s head on it’s neck and turned towards me without eyes. With long limbs it crawled out of the cold fridge and towards me.

It grabbed me by the ankle when I fell back and away. It stood there eclipsing the light in its naked glory. Its limbs were much too long and thin and its body was small and round. It picked me up with it’s one hand and sank its long teeth into my ankle.

I woke up with my ankle humming with a vibrating pleasure. It hurt, yes, but it also felt strangely pleasant. I… I rubbed my ankle in the real world. I stroked softly so the skin slipped swiftly there. It felt good. But I was on edge with fear and adrenaline. The sensations combined into a luring grotesqueness that was a pleasant sensation.

“Jaune…” My mom’s voice whispered to me. I heard it clearly in the soft night. There was no buffer or noise machine. It was silent in the room Ren and I shared. “I will always be your mother.”

Sometimes, in the throes of a nightmare, when unseen powers whirl one over the roofs of strange dead cities, it is a relief and even a delight to shriek wildly and throw oneself voluntarily along into the where the ginning mist yawns.

I checked a clock. It was four-forty five. I could probably get back to sleep if I really tried or wanted to. I didn’t really want to try. I laid back in the bed. I deserved worse than nightmares for the shit I had done. I was becoming something of a monster myself. Five. I’d killed five people. I’d elegantly unmade and twisted five coils until they certainly weren’t.

I sighed heavily and loudly as I laid back in the bed.

I needed to get out of the rental and clear my head. I need to clear it in a way which didn’t involve shooting myself which was a touch more tempting than I was really letting on.

I got out of bed and got dressed quietly. I made my way out of the rental and onto grey Mistrali gravel. The upper floors really were beautiful. But boy oh boy were the lower floors ugly. In a lot of ways it was two different cities entirely.

The sun was yellow and barely peaking out over the horizon. Beams of course light stretched through the air and I breathed deeply. It was refreshing and crisp this early in the morning. I muddled my way along through a market square clearing. It wasn’t busy but there were people out. I walked past the closed bazaars.

A brown haired girl spun in front of me and I stopped. She had deep green eyes and a red ribbon in her hair. She had to look way up at me to meet my eyes and I stared at her for a moment.

She reached into the basket by her side and pulled out a little white rose. “Here,” she said softly. “For you.”

“A flower?” I asked.

“That’s right.”

I looked away from her. “How much?” I wondered.

“That depends on the customer… for you, no charge. Sound fair?”

“Why?”

“You look like someone who could use a flower,” she returned easily and breezily enough that I thought she might float away.

I reached out a gloved and gauntleted hand. I took the delicate stem gently from her. I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I tucked the stem under a strap of my armor.

“Thanks,” I managed.

“Don’t mention it. Have a good day, now,” she bid me and just as swiftly as she appeared she was gone. She weaved her way through the openings in the early crowd. I blinked after her. I was unsure if I really saw her at all but I had the evidence of the encounter pinned to my chest.

I made my way down into a busier street.

I took in the sights of the shops on either side of me. One place was selling those little miniature trees that you trimmed. I wasn’t sure what they were called. There was a jewelry shop next to it and it was still closed. There was a dress shop with something elegant and purple hanging in the window. I stopped and stared at the dress. It would match Yang’s eyes well enough. I glanced a little along in the other window and spotted a flowing red gown which I bet Ruby could rock like no other. It was crimson like the tips of her hair and seemed to have petals flowing around the waist of soft silk. Her eyes could make anything glow and I was sure she would look like a distant dream in this dress.

I shuffled along.

I was suddenly shoved aside as I passed a bakery. The window display confections shattered and a man stumbled out with a cash register under his arm. He bumped into me as he dashed away from the broken window. Inside the bakery some fresh smell was emanating and a fat man in an apron shouted out. There were other customers inside. It smelled of coffee and baking pastries inside. They were open early it would seem. They were robbed early.

“Stop that man!” The man in the apron shouted.

The man with the register under his arm took off down the street.

I activated my semblance with a flex of will and took off after him. My feet… Ren was right. I didn’t touch the ground as I pursued my quarry on a pocket of air. I reached behind me and drew the longsword from the shield. The long triangle shaped blade ran down to the far too long red handle. I gripped it comfortably.

I front flipped in a thirty foot arc that ended with me landing easily in front of the burglar. People gasped and parted around me like I’d made a crater and they seperated around the running man as well. He stopped running with a slide and stared at me with an open mouth.

“Drop it,” I leveled my sword at him. “You can walk away if you drop it.” I watched his whole body tense up. “Don’t,” I suggested harshly.

He went for a gun. I crossed the distance between us in a sapphire blur. I swung my sword up into his hand where he held the gun and collided with green aura. I knocked the gun out of his hands and into the air. I stepped in and shoulder checked him off his feet. Before he landed I swung diagonally down from the right, then diagonally down from the left, then across the bottom in horizontal cut, then one last arching upwards swing that flung him back into a wooden box. He crushed it and his aura dissipated around him.

He dropped the register when I hit him.

He made to crawl towards the gun but, still Limit Broken, I glided forward and took actual walking steps where I kicked the gun off to the side of the street and far away from us. I continued my march and connected my boot with the side of his head in a swift sideways kick with the toe. He fell back and slumped over into unconsciousness.

I stepped away from him and felt my glow dissipate. The power was gone.

I didn’t feel particularly good as I reclaimed the register. I sheathed my sword and walked back down the street and through the gathering crowd. I walked into the bakery over shattered glass which crunched under my feet. I set the register on the counter.

“Thank you, young huntsman,” the baker said.

“It was nothing,” I returned. And it wasn’t. This meant nothing to me.

“Let me offer you a croissant and coffee. Please. Allow me to thank you earnestly and generously from my heart to yours.”

I looked away from him over his head at the fairly crowded establishment. Some people had left but many remained. Some were still partaking in their coffee and pastries even through the chaos. Sure, most had stood up to get a look and were now staring at me and there was a line near the counter of people still mostly organized.

“Fine,” I agreed with a glance back down at the baker. “I’m in no hurry.”

“Thank you. Please, won’t you have a seat. What’s your name?”

“Jaune Arc.”

“Just a moment,” I watched him go behind the counter and pour a coffee and grab a roll. He came back over to me and put them both in my hands.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

“No. Thank you.”

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I walked back into our rental. The police had gotten involved and had had a few questions for me but after that I was free to go.

I ran into Weiss in the kitchen. She turned around and stared at me from where she was washing some mugs in the sink.

“Jaune…”

“Weiss,” I greeted.

“I had the chance to talk to Ruby,” she informed me.

“And?”

“Well, I still think you’re being self destructive. But I see why you wanted me to talk to her. She told me about you two.”

“I figured but couldn’t assume.”

“Where’d you get that?” Weiss asked. She pointed at the little white rose pinned to my chest.

I took it off my person with my gloved hand. I stared down at it for a moment. Then I held it out to her.

“It was a gift, I think,” I said. “Here.”

“Shouldn’t you give it to Ruby?” She wondered. She reached out and took it anyway. She held it up to her nose and smelled it. “It smells like Ruby,” she breathed. “Thoughtful of you.”

“It’s really not. It’s nothing. Besides, I don’t think Ruby is much in the way of gifts. She prefers spending time with me. She doesn’t want presents.”

‘Not even a single little rose as a sign you’re thinking about her?”

“If she doesn’t know I’m always thinking about her by this point I have no clue how to make it stick,” I sighed. “I mean who does she think she is with those tights and that corset?”

“She’s very good looking,” Weiss agreed.

“She’s drop dead gorgeous,” I confessed. I blinked at Weiss. “Of course you are too.”

“Oh?”

“Oh come on. Your entire team is? Ruby doesn’t have any idea but you know. You know that you’re good looking.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You knew that you were out of my league,” I said. She blinked at me. “We can talk about it. It happened. I had a crush on you.”

“I didn’t reject you because I was better looking than you,” she scoffed. “Though you’re right to say I am.” She gave me a small smile.

“Total ice queen,” I laughed. “I don’t know what Ruby sees in me. So shoot. Tell me why.”

“Tell you why she’s into you or tell you why I rejected you?”

“Both.”

“I’ve met a hundred guys who could actually pull off what you were going for at Beacon. You couldn’t even play the part well. You couldn’t even pretend like you were all that. It was dishonest. And you weren’t even good at lying. So you didn’t even have that going for you.”

“You would have liked me if I was good at lying?”

“It would have been something at least. You came at me with a big ball of nothing. You know it and I know it.”

“So what does Ruby see in me? What did Pyrrha see in me?” I asked openly. “I’m mean, come on. I’m not much. And they are both out of my league by miles.”

“Well. You probably weren’t coming at them with a fake personality. I can only assume that they saw the real you and they liked it.”

“Stupefying,” I confided.

“Is it?” She pressed.

“Little bit.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not much. We went over this. I’m a ‘big ball of nothing.’”

“Are you nothing? It sounds like you put your life on the line for Ruby.”

“Well yeah. I’m nothing and she’s a good person. What decision was there to be made in that? It’s no contest.”

“You’re not ‘nothing.’ You came at me with nothing. They aren’t quite the same thing.”

“Don’t bullshit me. You saw straight fuckin’ through me at Beacon. Don’t hesitate now.”

“I don’t know. I suppose we’ll just have to see what’s there and what’s not.”

“I’m telling you that it’s not a lot.”

“But it isn’t ‘nothing.’ Is it?” She leveraged down on me. She pointed her chin upwards at me as she said it.

“And that’s enough?”

“Enough for what?” She challenged.

“Well, ideally making Ruby happy.”

“It might be. Is what it is worth something? Are you valuable down there at the bottom of yourself?”

“Probably not,” I admitted.

“Well I don’t know,” she confessed right back. “I never got to see the real you.”

“You never wanted to try,” I fired.

“You never gave me the opportunity to try,” she breezed. “If we’re honest you would have tried that fake personality on any date I gave you. So why would I bother?”

“Honestly?” I asked.

“Honestly,” she agreed with an elegantly quirked eyebrow.

“I’d like to believe I would have surprised you,” I said.

“Is that right? So you want to impress me?”

“Always have,” I returned immediately.

“I suppose we’ll just have to see about that,” she folded her arms and leaned back on the counter. She had her lips turned up in a little smirk.

I looked away first and pushed my hand through my hair. I clicked my jaw closed.

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#rwby #jaune arc #ruby rose #weiss schnee #lancaster #whiteknight #jaune arc x weiss schnee #motion sickness #ruby rose x jaune arc #war of the roses #white rose #whiterose #weiss schnee x ruby rose

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unforth · 3 years ago

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Hello unforth! Thank you for your wonderful blog, and the the untamed art blog!! I followed you years ago for destiel, and you were one of the people that got me into the untamed. I watched it last summer and have been binging various cdramas ever since!! I had a question for you about reading. After watching the untamed I read the novel, and didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think you’re someone who prefers the show, but if not, sorry if I’m remembering wrong… hoping you understand. I want to try reading other novels but I found the romance in mdzs to be kinda off. I guess I’m wondering if you have a recommendation for the best novel you’ve read so far? It would be great if it’s one with fanfic but if not I’m still curious to try! I hope this didn’t come off as rude about the untamed, it’s just a personal preference. Thanks in advance, and thanks again for all your work in fandom!

Howdy! *waves*

You have not misremembered, I definitely prefer the Untamed to the novel of MDZS (and I'm with you, no shade on people with different preferences, of course!). I also didn't enjoy the novel of MDZS as much as I thought I would, though I think some of that was because I read the Exiled Rebels Scanalations translation which - again, no shade, translating that was a HUGE job and kudos to them - but I do here from native speakers that some questionable translation choices were made, which can detract from some people's enjoyment of the novel (and can enhance other people's, it just depends how those translation choices relate to each person's personal likes and dislikes).

Now, I can tell you what I've read and what I've thought of each one, happily - I don't know what turned you off about MDZS specifically, beyond an aspect of the relationship dynamic, so it'll be hard for me to say which of these might appeal to you more? But, here's a list of which danmei novels I've read, and my opinion. The list is shorter than you'd think - danmei novels are long and I read slow, lol.

Note that all of these end happy, for various definitions of "happy," and the main ship is canon in all of them. Also note that I tried to avoid spoilers, but sometimes it's hard to even talk about the ship dynamic without some mild spoilers.

These are (roughly) in the order I've read them; I just finished the last a few days ago. All art is by the official artists, but I'm not always sure what their names are, sorry - I've tried to figure them out for my art blogs but it's REALLY hard.

1. Mo Dao Zu Shi, by MXTX.

(since I'm writing this post for you, and you're already familiar with it, I'm not putting in TW and plot)

My take: I figure knowing my opinion of MDZS will help you assess all this? There are things I loved about MDZS, including the book, but MDZS is still obviously trying to figure out pacing. Whereas in SVSSS, the storyline doesn't always flow that smoothly and the ending is rushed, in MDZS in my opinion the biggest issue is that she clearly didn't plan some things ahead. For example, Miangmian and Wen Ning are both introduced within a few pages of when they'll be needed to Do Shit. It shows that she hadn't quite worked everything out as she was going, and every once in a while was like, "shit shit I need a character for this thing" and hastily added them. The plot itself is better paced, though, though I could have wished for a less talky denouement. When it was the only one I read, I also often thought, "this author doesn't understand consent," and, "this author has kinks I don't share." Now that I've read all three of her books, I completely retract the first one. MXTX absolutely understands consent, and was intentionally playing with it in MDZS. Not sure if the evidence of that got lost in translation, or what, but...yeah.

Relationship Dynamic: ...the second of those opinions, I still kinda feel. The consensual non-con is just not really my thing, like I'm okay with it in small doses? And I don't love some aspects of Lan Wangji's domineering attitudes and Wei Wuxian's act of bare tolerating it. And don't get me wrong, now that I'm more familiar with her work, I think it was an intentional writing choice and I also think they're both largely roleplaying it a lot of the time...but I still don't personally enjoy it much.

2. Scum Villain Self-Saving System, by MXTX.

Genre: modern transmigration into a fantasy xianxia world.

Where to find it: English translation by BC Novels | donghua season 1

Trigger warnings for: graphic descriptions of suffering, non-con of the "fuck or die" variety, and body horror...I can't think of anything else rn?)

Plot: SVSSS is MXTX's first novel, and is a satire of classic stag harem novels. Shen Yuan, the protagonist and half the main ship, is reading a serialized web novel by "Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky" about a demon named Luo Binghe who has a harem of over 3,000 women and has done all kinds of ghastly awful things. He hates this novel but has read all, like, 3 million words of it or something, and trolls every chapter...until one gets him so angry that he dies...and then he wakes up in the book right around when the book starts, in the body of one of the early antagonists, a cultivator named Shen Qingqiu who abuses a young, innocent Luo Binghe physically and emotionally and, ultimately, is horribly tortured to death. Shen Yuan, in Shen Qingqiu's body, thus sets out to not be horribly tortured to death by Luo Binghe. Hijinks ensue.

My Take: In terms of my opinion of it...SVSSS secured for me that MXTX is a much more brilliant author than I thought when I'd only read MDZS. She understands tropes and subverts them brilliantly throughout the story, and from a writing standpoint, I was impressed with her. However, from a plot standpoint...she's got all the ideas but hasn't, imo, yet figured out how exactly to bring them all together. The pacing is off at times, and the ending felt abrupt to me. It's also the only danmei I've read where I ship a side ship more than the primary one (which is, of course, Shen Yuan (as Shen Qingqiu)/Luo Binghe. (also, oops...I read SVSSS after TGCF and just put them in the wrong order, oh well, not gonna change it now.)

Relationship Dynamic: In terms of relationship weirdness...it's hard to sort in that regard, because, like, it's supposed to be weird? I think it's a really interest book but I'm not sure I'd recommend it in your situation. Bingqiu's main dynamic is...uh...tolerance and obsession? They're kinda hard to describe. Shen Yuan often seems like he's just kinda putting up with Luo Binghe, whereas Luo Binghe is...god. So hard to describe, lmao. He's a big clumsy ox in a museum full of porcelain dishes and he really, really loves his Shizun. (also note that Shen Qingqiu is Luo Binghe's teacher. They don't get together until after they're not master/student, but if that's not your thing, another reason to avoid.)

3. Tian Guan Ci Fu, by MXTX.

(art is by Starember)

Genre: historical China (loosely), xianxia (note that I'm still figuring out exactly how stuff gets classified so sorry if I get one wrong, but I think I kinda get it???)

Where to Access It: English Translation by the astonishing yummysuika | manhua (this is an official translation by Bilibili! It's a few chapters behind the actual release, but still...) | donghua season 1 is on Netflix | a live action adaptation is juuuuust getting started on script reading and filing

Trigger warnings for: MCD, temporary MCD, body horror, graphic violence, epic levels of mind fuckery, uh...genocide?...again, racism/colorism, probably other stuff, sorry, I can't take as long as I'd like to for this post so I'm not being as thorough as I oughta be.

Plot: TGCF is about Xie Lian, an 800 year old man, and it commences at the moment when, unexpectedly, he ascends to godhood...for the third time. Unfortunately, when he ascends, he accidentally does some damage in Heaven, and he has to repay that, so he gets sent back to earth to deal with a ghost who's been causing some problems. Hijinks ensue...and then fucktons of angst ensue...then more hijinks...then more angst...and basically it broke my heart like four times and I am grateful for it every day? The main ship is Xie Lian and a ghost named Hua Cheng, but it's hard to even talk about without some spoilers because of some identity shenanigans. (they're VERY mildly identity shenanigans, but still).

My Take: So, you asked what my favorite of the danmei novels I've read is? It's TGCF. TGCF is one of my favorite novels ever, and it has a growing fandom, a donghua that's on Netflix, and a live action that's just starting to film. TGCF is the culmination of the skills MXTX developed through her first two works, imo. She clearly plotted it out all from the start, and while Book 1 especially often seems kind of random - lots of elements are introduced and then kinda...apparently...forgotten? And never explained? But she actually DOES bring it ALL together and it's flat-out masterful. I'm a big fan, obviously.

Relationship Dynamic: it again depends on your preferences and what you didn't like about MDZS, and there's no way to talk about it without spoilers, so consider yourselves warned. Xie Lian ascended to godhood first at the age of 17, and right around then he also saved the life of a 10 year old boy...and that boy is Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng is a follower of Xie Lian's, in that Xie Lian is literally a god, and Hua Cheng is literally one of his followers. However, they're separated for almost 800 years, so the age difference is largely irrelevant, and while some people complain about Hua Cheng's behavior being stalkery and obsessive, I honestly think they're dead wrong. It's more like when you read a celebrity/fan AU, and it starts weird, and then they really genuinely fall in love. Like, the fan may have been in love the whole time, and how they felt about the celebrity before they really met might feel slightly ooky, but it's how they act AFTER they meet their idol that matters more, and...yeah, Hua Cheng is great, they're both great, antis fight me. Xie Lian is easily one of my favorite characters EVER, he is all my favorite tropes in one horribly, wonderfully fucked up martyristic idealistic sweet kind laid back package. I would kill for him, lmao. In terms of their relationship dynamic...they love and respect each other? There's really nothing that weird about it other than the aspects of the "fan" Hua Cheng that get revealed over time - and he's always terrified that when Xie Lian realizes what a fanboy he was, Xie Lian will be upset or disgusted, but of course Xie Lian never is. They adore each other. It's glorious. Highly recommend. :D There's also no explicit content in TGCF (unlike MXTX's other two books).

4. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (aka 2ha) by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat.

Genre: original world, xianxia, time travel, dimension hopping, it's so many things, 2ha is so hard to describe lmao

Where to Access it: English Translation by the amazing yummysuika (things are complicated, though, and it's not finished) | a manhua is in the works and should be out this year | a live action called "Hao Yixing" or "Immortality" is already filmed and could theoretically air literally any time cause it's completely ready, but when will it actually come? Who knows!

Trigger warnings: all of them. Literally. MCD, temporary MCD, murder, suicide, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, rape/non-con, abuse, manipulation, gas lighting, torture, graphic violence, body horror, literal graphic onscreen horrible blood murder of a small child (I had to skip that chapter), teacher/student relationship sort of but not exactly, probably other stuff, this book is dark as fuck, and a lot of these tags apply to behavior of one half of the main ship toward the other, but...it's complicated, and there are reasons things happen, and those reasons aren't "well they're just a bad person."

Plot: This is another one that's hard to describe because there's sooooo much mind fuckery going on, but I'll try. 2ha is about Mo Ran, who rises to be the Emperor of the World, Taxian Jun, but slaughtering all who oppose him...and who is so miserable that he commits suicide, only to wake up in his 16 year old body. This is pretty much perfect from Mo Ran's point of view, because he's gone back so far that the love of his life, his fellow disciple Shi Mei, is still alive. He has a chance to fix everything that went wrong, starting with preventing his awful evil Shizun, Chu Wanning, from letting Shi Mei die.

Spoilers: the main ship in this book is Mo Ran/Chu Wanning.

Hijinks do NOT ensue. There are no hijinks in 2ha. It is all pain all the time (but I swear it ends happy).

My Take: ...well, from a structural standpoint there are some pacing issues. The book is incredibly long (over 300 chapters, over 1 million words) and there are definitely some chunks that could just be excised and it'd still be fine. However, other than that, it's pretty amazing and absolutely masterful how it's plotted. As a reader you'll spend 100+ chapters thinking you know what's going on, and who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are, and how they relate to each other...and then Meatbun starts in on revealing what's ACTUALLY going on and she then spends 200 chapters repeatedly punching you in the face! Like, I went in knowing a LOT of spoilers, because the tags were so dark that I felt that for my mental health it was important I have a general idea what was going on, and I STILL ended up sobbing my eyes out (and I am NOT an easy crier and don't usually cry at books) over something I knew was coming.

Relationship Dynamic: That's about the only thing that the title accurately conveys about this book. "The Husky and His White Cat Shizun," sounds so soft and fluffy, right? That's how they get you, ha. But, Mo Ran is absolutely a big dumb husky who wants to do the right thing (well, sometimes he does) but just completely fails depressingly often. When he sees someone he likes come in the front door he WILL jump all over them and bark in their face as his way of trying to communicate affection. And Chu Wanning is equally absolutely a cat. He is emotionally constipated, poor at expressing himself, uptight, touch starved, desperate for affection, and so lonely my chest hurts when I think about him. And for how they relate to each other...well, picture that big dog greeting a loved one at the door...except that loved one is the most hide-bound proud white cat you can imagine.

That's their dynamic.

(However, also...there are multiple timelines at play, and Taxian Jun does some truly awful things to "his" Chu Wanning in the original timeline, and many of these things are graphically described, and while it's ultimately all explained, it still all HAPPENS, so if you're going to have trouble reading fucktons of abuse between the main ship, I would not recommend this book)

5. Thousand Autumns (Qianqiu) by Meng Xi Shi.

Genre: historical China (like, references actual people, as far as I can tell), xianxia

Where to Access it: ...reading Thousand Autumns is HARD, it's split over like four websites/translators. This Carrd can kinda help? I can get you the rest if you want | donghua season 1 | I heard there's a live action in the works? But I don't know more than that.

Trigger warnings: graphic violence, mentions/threats of sexual violence (but it's all stopped before things really go wrong), starvation, description of child death (from starvation), near-death, emotional/mental abuse, major semi-permanent character injury, god, minor character death, they're major characters depending on your pov, I can't actually think of others, after writing about 2ha it feels positively fluffy). Note that there's not really any explicit content, just implications of smut, and not til basically the very end and extras.

Plot: Yan Wushi, sect leader of a demonic sect, has just come out of an extended seclusion to improve his cultivation when he and one of his disciples come across a man who is wounded to the point of near death. This turns out to be Shen Qiao, the sect leader of Mount Xuandu. When Shen Qiao awakens from his wounds, he's lost his memory, AND he's blind, and Yan Wushi decides it would be great fun and an excellent use of his time to fuck with Shen Qiao by trying to turn him evil - because Yan Wushi is certain that ALL people are inherently evil, and shattering Shen Qiao's veneer of righteousness will just help prove that.

Spoilers: it's not a veneer.

Not spoilers: Not many hijinks ensue, but there are a few hijinks, and even when it's not hijinxed, it's still not that painful...usually.

My Take: despite that synopsis, a lot of the plot of Thousand Autumns is actually political, and I like political plots, so I liked that aspect of it. However, it has some serious pacing issues imo, and it's also hard to read in English atm because it's not fully translated; it's close, now, much closer than when I read it a few months ago, so it'll be easier to read soon. Or maybe I shouldn't say it's pacing problems, but rather, it's more of a sequence of multiple major plots, strung together, with the growing relationship between Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao playing out in the background. I think if I'd known there was no "one big plot" that would have actually helped me, because it kept feeling like, "Oh, THIS is the main thing," but it never was. Things would feel climactic...except then there'd be more. So it's probably better to actually think of it as more...episodic? And the episodes/stories build, and interrelate, and do have a culmination, but not all of them directly tie in, and not all the threads end up coming together/getting resolved.

Relationship Dynamic: early on, Yan Wushi is definitely abusive and manipulative, intentionally so, and I would argue that, imo, Shen Qiao falls for it. However, mid-way through, there's some big reveals, and after that when they're reunited Shen Qiao no longer takes any shit and Yan Wushi continues to act like he doesn't care even when he clearly does. They're not a typical ship in ANY WAY, and I'd say their relationship is more founded on mutual respect than on love. Indeed, in the author's notes at one point MXS actually says they doesn't see them as the kind of couple to ever exchange love declarations, and I thought that was really interesting and it really helped me to understand how they worked together because I'll own I struggled with at times. Yan Wushi is self-interested, often cruel, and ethically and morally dubious. Shen Qiao, on the other hand, could probably ascend to Daoist godhood, he's so pure. Yet...they DO work. I'd say "opposites attract" but that's ALSO not their main trope, not exactly. They're a VERY hard ship to explain, and I know some people who've read the whole book and still don't really...get them...and I've had to really think about them to wrap my head around them...but the more I've thought about them, the more I like them.

6. Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo.

Genre: historical fiction set in either actual China or make-believe China, I'm not sure if this is directly incorporated any real people

Where to Access It: English Translation by Perpetual Daydreams | manhua (untranslated, I'm not sure if there's anyone translating it into English) | I think there's a live action in the works? Not sure beyond that though.

Trigger Warnings: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, drug addiction, drug abuse, chronic illness (different character than the drugs), manipulation, abusive, awful parents and parental figures (not all, but definitely some), some homophobia (but way less than there could have been), probably other stuff

Plot: After 7 years away, Zhong Wan returns to the capital of the Empire with the three children of his benefactor, the seven-years-dead Prince Ning. Prince Ning was executed for treason against the previous Emperor, and Zhong Wan has done all he can to protect and raise the three kids, but he's got a lot of worries about returning to the capital and what could happen to his charges if they get pulled into the politics surrounded the Emperor. But, even worse, he's got even more worries about being reunited with Yu She, nephew of the Emperor, with whom he has more than a little history...and about whom he has been lying for the past 7 years, claiming that he is Yu She's lover, in a bid to help use Yu She's reputation to protect Prince Ning's children.

Hijinks ensue.

And so does a political nightmare.

My Take: TYQHM was a hard book to get into because there are just so many characters and it's all about politics - this is NOT a xianxia or wuxia novel, and these characters are NOT cultivators. There's basically nothing supernatural in the whole book; instead, it's about Zhong Wan and Yu She figuring out their own histories, and accepting each other, while trying to survive in a political world that increasingly wants both of them dead. However, I adore political plots, and when all was said and done I really enjoyed it, and I'm trying tooth and nail to claw other people into the fandom with me, so far with basically no success. It only has like 15 works in English on AO3. And so not only does it not fit that requirement of yours...

Relationship Dynamic: ...I think you would also probably not like the relationship dynamic? Zhong Wan is a bit like Wei Wuxian-as-Mo Xuanyu, except more...genuinely? Like, it's his actual personality, not an act, in quite the same way. I don't mean the "flamboyantly gay" part...usually...he definitely has his moments...but he's just...like, he's been through so much that he'll basically say anything, and drag himself entirely through the mud, to distract people who might hurt the three kids (they're like 16, 13, 13, now I think? It was never THAT clear to me, tbh...certainly, all are at least 10...) and, later, Yu She. He has zero face, and doesn't mind having negative face when he feels the situation demands it...and Yu She, on the other hand, has MAJOR depression issues, is sure he deserves nothing, and mostly wants to destroy everyone around him and then kill himself, at least until Zhong Wan starts giving him a reason to live again. But, more than that...Zhong Wan is like the fucking epitome of a bratty subby bottom. He wants to get fucked SO bad. And Yu She is an incredibly reluctant dom, hilariously so at times, uncomfortably/manipulative so at others. When all was said and done, I was pretty fond of them both, but there were definitely moments that made me grimace, and given what you say of how you felt about MDZS, I think this one is less likely to be to your taste?

Bonus 7: Guardian by Priest. I never finished the novel version of Guardian because the translation had some issues that caused me not to enjoy it, so I won't get into it too much, but again, Guardian is a very different book than any of the others, because it's modern fantasy(ish, like, it's still deeply embedded in Daoist-related tropes but it's more "magic spells" and less "cultivation." Like, in terms of what it's like, it felt more like Japanese modern Onmyoji style stories, to me, than it felt like the ancient Chinese wuxia/xianxia cultivation stories.). I'm not gonna get into lots of details, because I read part of the book more than a year ago, and have seen the show (which is VERY different) like three times, so I can hardly even remember what they're like in the novel. There was definitely some weirdness, though? If you're potentially interested, I'd suggest starting with the drama instead. The plot for that is...

Plot: Zhao Yunlan heads a Special Investigation Unit in the human world tasked with maintaining a treaty between humans and the dixigren ("undergrounders") who are (in the show) aliens (in the book...it's the world of the dead). While doing this job, he keeps running into this professor, Shen Wei, who definitely knows more than he oughta.

Hijinks ensue.

And then it murders you with feels.

The live action streams from YouTube - here.

(Warning: uh, I don't want to give spoilers, but my "guaranteed happy ending" does NOT apply to the Guardian TV show...but it does apply to the book, as I understand it.)

Anyway, this was a terrible use of my time but it was definitely more fun than what I should be doing, and it's probably way more information than you wanted or needed, but since I wasn't sure what exactly you had in mind, I figured...might as well be thorough?

(Today's hyper-focus fail: this post, ha...)

#unforth rambles #i'm not gonna tag the fandoms because i give my own opinions #some of which aren't all THAT positive #i think it's best if I don't just dump that into the main tags

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professional-benaddict · 5 years ago

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♥️ Red Heart, White Box ⬜️ l

A collab between myself and @questionablewritings xx

Mafia AU, boss Tony, pet/plaything +18 Peter, bodyguard Steve, bodyguard Bucky, underground doctor Stephen, gun violence, shootings, GSW, blood, injury, surgery, 2.5k

Or Peter is shot and they cannot go to the hospital.

part two - part three - part four

Part l - The Blood Stained Silk Shirt

It was quite common in their field of work, but still Tony was caught entirely off guard when a friend of his, well- now an enemy, pulled out the gun in the middle of their deal making and Peter dropped the lollipop he had been toying with all night. But, it was not until a shot was actually fired that the mafia boss realised how badly he had miscalculated the situation. It had been a risky deal from the start, but money was tight, very tight, so Tony had taken a risk, which he would regret for the rest of his life.

Usually, Tony is hyper sensitive to these things, the slight raises in tone of voice, the tensing of someone’s jaw, how their fists clench or how fingers inch closer to a hidden weapon. But... tonight he had brought Peter along, and even worse, allowed him to go out in a low cut silk shirt that showed off his collarbones. The idea was that it would distract the ones Tony was dealing with, but instead it had backfired, and now the silk shirt was stained with blood.

Peter had been taken quite literally, off guard. The gunshot echoed around the room, ringing in Peter’s ears until that, along with the deafening silence, were the only things registered. The pain had hit him slow, creeping down his arm and across his chest, forcing the older teen’s eyes downward towards the source of discomfort. His eyes widened, seeing first the crimson red stains that soaked the collar and sleeve of his shirt, and then… Well, Peter was not quite sure what came after that. After realising that he was bleeding, profusely, it did not take long to put two and two together. He had been shot in the shoulder, and the bullet currently resided deep in the meat of his muscle.

“T-Tony-“ Peter whimpered, shocked and pale as he stumbled forward, his uninjured arm reaching for his lover, his Daddy. Oh God, it hurt. It hurt so bad. Peter wanted to scream and sob, but he knew better. His weakness would be a sign to the rivalry members in the room, all eyes on him in utter surprise. Peter fought back the hot tears, dropping his hand to grab at his blood soaked shoulder just in time for him to collapse forward and to the floor. Peter was gonna faint... Fuck, it hurt so bad.

“Peter... Fuck, Jesus, FUCK! PETER!” Tony bellowed in utter fright and took Peter into his arms, gently lowering the boy to the floor when he didn’t have the strength to stand on his own. “Wha- I- Peter, fuck, please... Just- stay with me...” Tony stuttered out, having no clue what to say or do. Thankfully, Steve, one of his bodyguards stepped forward, yanking the silk scarf from around Tony’s neck. He bawled up the expensive fabric and then pressed it to Peter’s wound that was oozing with blood.

“He needs medical treatment.” Steve stated simply and surprisingly calmly. At first, Tony was furious at his employee for being so cold and heartless when his precious boy had been hurt, but then he realised that someone had to be calm. The boss was sort of glad he did not have to be the calm and rational one.

“We can’t fucking go the hospital, you idiot!” Tony shouted. By now, the rivalry gang had fled the scene, but none of Tony’s gang really paid any attention to that.

Peter’s line of sight was fading. He could see Tony, he could feel him even, but everything came back muffled to his brain. The boy grimaced as an unknown figure, Peter was too out of it to comprehend it was Steve, pressed something against the wound, shifting the bullet, but slowing the blood. He hated how he could feel the panic radiating off from Tony, and whimpered as he lifted his bloodied hand to his Daddy’s face, and forced weak eye contact.

“No...They’ll recognize you..” Peter groaned at the mention of hospital. The boy knew he needs medical attention, but he would rather die than risk Tony’s freedom.

“Baby, it’s okay, it’s okay...” Tony practically whimpered when Peter lifted a bloody hand to his face. He cradled the hand in his own, kissing it quickly and passionately.

It was Bucky, Tony’s left hand man and equal status as Steve who stepped up to the plate. His voice was less calm compared to Rogers, but the guy had seen his fair share of blood and gunshot wounds.

“There’s that guy- the uh Doctor that runs the underground clinic off 34th street. Strange, wasn’t it? Yeah...Stephen Strange.” Bucky suggests, quick to hand out the alternative option. It seemed their best bet. “Boss, If we’re gonna do it, we need to move now. Kid’s gonna bleed out in under an hour with a wound like that.” Bucky adds, his tone light and full of respect. No one disrespected the boss’ play thing.

Peter thought that the pain could not possibly get anymore worse. There was a shooting discomfort, searing up the left side of his body. It was too much. If it were not for Tony kissing at his fingers and breathily speaking to him, Peter might have let go and succumbed to unconsciousness already. Perhaps given up all together, but he would hold on for Tony.

“Well, call him right fucking now! Let’s move!” Tony barked and with Steve’s help, he picked up Peter. They all headed out of the building and to their cars. When Bucky bolted into action, pulling out his ‘work’ phone, Peter realised what was going to happen.

“No- NO! Don’t mov-“ But, his words were quickly swallowed as he is shifted from off the ground. Peter tried so hard to be strong, but nothing could hold back the shrill scream that flew from his lips. It eventually simmered down to a continuous whimper, and soft gasps of “a-ah!” whenever he was slid into lying in the backseat. Peter could only grasp on to Tony, breathing out in the tiniest of voices- “It hurts Daddy, it hurts so much.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” Tony apologised, which he never does, but he did now when he moved Peter to the backseat, causing him pain in the process. “Stay with me, baby, stay with me.” The man pleaded.

Bucky had taken the initiative to give this Doctor Strange a call, informing him of their impending arrival. He spoke into the phone loudly and clearly.

“You better save this kid’s life, because yours just got hung on the line.” Then, Bucky hung up and slid into the driver’s seat. He waited just long enough for Peter, Tony and Steve to get settled before he slammed on the gas, and sped his way to their destination.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here, baby.” Tony comforted while keeping pressure on Peter’s still bleeding wound. How is there so much blood in his sweet little baby? Sure, the boss has seen ugly injuries and corpses plenty during his career, but this... This he could never have been prepared for. With his free hand, Tony stroked back Peter’s sweaty curls, trying to reassure and comfort him. But, it had little effect against the blinding pain that each little movement of the speeding car shot up Peter’s arm. “Peter, Peter- shhh... I’m here.” Tony tried to comfort and raised his voice to actually be heard over the boy’s screams. “How fucking far away is it?” Tony growled to his bodyguards in the front.

“Ten minutes, sir.”

“Make that five.” The boss threatened lowly, and Bucky sped up without asking any questions.

Five minutes? Peter was not sure he could last more than two at this rate. He could feel the warmth of his blood run down his body, and all over Tony. His poor car, it would definitely need detailing after this. Peter should not be thinking about something as stupid as leather, but it was all he could do to cling on to his awakened state.

“Two minutes out, boss. Doc said he’d be ready.” Bucky ran through all red lights with a breeze, flying through the streets and taking short cuts. For a split moment, on a particular harsh jerk of the vehicle, Peter wondered if he was going to die. He sobbed at the thought, shaking his head to grab at Tony’s attention.

“Kill them.” Peter managed through clenched teeth. “When I-“ He paused to groan, throwing his head back. “- I die, kill them.”

“Peter- Peter! Listen, you- you’re not gonna die on me. You hear me? I won’t fucking allow it!” Tony shouted angrily, tears prickling at his eyes, but he did not let them fall. Not knowing what else to do, the older man leaned down to kiss his boy, his precious little thing. “You know what? You’re gonna kill them yourself. You’re gonna kill them dead.” He added after pulling back, stroking at the boy’s cheek and spreading blood all over his cheek in the process.

When they finally reached the destination, Steve double checked that it was the right place they had come to. He doubted Peter’s chances of making it would be good if they had to drive somewhere else. The place looked shady, and that said a lot with the standards that Steve was used to in this field. But, then a familiar looking figure exited through the back door and Steve knew they had come to the right place. Hopping out of the car, Steve greeted the doctor quickly before opening the back door.

“It’s good to see you, Doc.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just get him inside.” Stephen said.

Bucky was the second out of the car, overhearing Stephens orders. He was not usually one to jump at anyone’s commands, besides Tony’s, but this was dire circumstances. He helped Steve slide Peter out of the car, who now after being kissed and ready to give in to the pain, had passed out. The boy was pliant, practically lifeless and dead weight as they moved to get him inside. There was so much blood, and Peter was such a small thing. Even Bucky was on the latter when it came to the boy’s life expectancy. He lifted his eyes off from the boss’ babe, to lock on to Steve’s eyes in hope they shared a common thought. Peter better survive.

Tony wondered if he could ever get over the sight of Peter’s eyes closing like that after kissing him. The boy looked dead already, but he knew based on the hurry that Stephen urged after feeling the boy’s pulse that he was not. While Steve carried Peter bridal style, Stephen went ahead and opened the doors as he led the way inside. In his state of shock, Tony stumbled after them while Bucky took long, confident strides. It felt like an eternity, walking through the dark and damp hallways, but finally they reached a well light crossway that looked like a clinic. There was an exam table and an overhead lamp surrounded by equipment, machines and supplies. But, what looked the most odd in the underground place was the area sectioned off by plastic in one corner. Tony would later find out that it doubled as an OR in the underground clinic.

“So, what happened?” Stephen asked, gesturing for Steve to lay Peter down on the exam table.

At the hinted gesture, Steve carefully placed Peter down on the table, careful not to make any sudden movements that would rouse the boy from his ‘sleep’. Bucky on the other hand, was not so nice. Steve was the muscle, and Bucky… Well he was there to get points across. With the boss mentally checking out for the evening, it looked like the explanation landed in his hands.

“The hell does it look like? He got shot.” Bucky snapped, motioning his hand towards the bullet hole in Peter’s soaked shirt. “Don’t matter how it got there, point is, get it out.” He continued, harshly saying whatever was on his mind. Maybe Bucky was being a little too blunt, but he could not help it. If Peter did not pull through, both Steve and Bucky would be going through weeks, if not months of pain.

At Bucky’s harsh snap, Stephen briefly glanced up at him before focusing on examining Peter. After snapping on a pair of gloves, the doctor motioned for Steve to step aside to get a look at the wound. It was still bleeding, but not as heavily, so Stephen pressed some gauze to it.

“I’ll get it out, but you guys will have to leave in the meantime. I can’t work if you’re buzzing around me.” Stephen said, his tone almost as matter of factly as Bucky’s.

Bucky pulled a face at the doctor’s words, his jaw clenching tightly with mild irritation. Now was not the time. Down from one of the three hallways, two other medical professionals emerged, dressed in the same scrubs as Stephen. Bucky made room for the approaching medical staff, standing by the entrance to wait for further instruction from their boss.

“Gun shot wound, prep him and the OR.” The doctor told the two others, who promptly snapped into action. “Which blood type is he? And any allergies to medication?” Stephen asked, turning to the three gang members. Tony did not hesitate to answer, giving his baby boy one last lingering look.

“He’s A+.” The boss stated, sounding more present now that they had gotten his boy to the medical help he required. He wanted to stay, to watch and make sure not a single finger harmed a hair on Peter’s head, but Steve was placing a comforting, albeit suggestive hand on his shoulder.

“Sir, I think we should wait outside. They can’t focus with us all here… and I know you want them to be paying attention to Peter.” Steve spoke, soft and careful. Tony roughly shoved his shoulder free, but gave a curt nod. If it was for Peter, Tony would do anything. He turned, and abruptly made his exit without so much as a word to anyone. The boss had put up his emotional wall, preparing himself for the worst outcome should it happen. Bucky followed, and Steve, he was the last to leave.

“Okay, let’s get a unit of the O+.” Stephen ordered and the taller of the two others, Mordo, went to fetch it while Wong remained behind to help transport Peter to the section behind the plastic covers that doubled as an OR.

Two hours or so later, Peter was stable, but still unconscious with all the morphine and anaesthetics in his system. Stephen had removed the bullet successfully, and stopped the bleeding and repaired as much of the damage to the surrounding tissue as possible. Luckily, no bones nor nerves seemed to be affected, which would make for a speedier recovery. The surgery was quite successful, but that was not all that the doctor did.

“Peter started bleeding internally into his abdominal cavity, so I had to go in to stop the bleeding. He must have fallen when he was shot, or the stress was just too much on his body. But, the bleeding has stopped now and he is stable. You can go in and see him, but he will be asleep for quite a while. He needs the rest.”

Tony shot up from his char like a fired bullet and headed to where Stephen was pointing, leaving Bucky and Steve to jog after him to catch up.

Tag list: @buckettbarnes @prettyboy-parker @starkerplusstrange @sugar-and-spice-parker @xsmallplum @starkerdreams @mynerdrage @kyattogaaru

Reply/pm or me or whatever to be added xx

#RHWB #my fics #my prompts #mafia!tony #starker #tony stark x peter parker #peter parker #tony stark #stephen strange #steve rogers #james bucky barnes

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lilzebub · 4 years ago

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The Here and Now (Through the Years CH2)

Summary: Five has returned, and no one expected the condition that he would be in. Can (Y/n) and Five navigate the major set backs, thwart the Apocalypse, and resume their happily ever after?

Five Hargreeves x F!reader Word count: 11k total

Warnings: TUA typical violence, angst, awkward interactions, brief mention of spicy time, brief description of depression Also posted on AO3!

She stared blankly at the young man that stood distressed on her porch. “Five…I….Hurry up, get inside.” Her hand darted out to grab the sleeve of his tailored blazer, and she quickly dragged him through the threshold. He awkwardly stood in the foyer of their house, with his hands shoved in the pockets of his shorts. “(Y/n) this is a nightmare. I’m an old man trapped in this body. Ever had growing pains and indigestion at the same time?” He glowered up at her. A quiet snicker escaped from her lips. “You think this is funny? Huh?”

The snicker sparked a roar of laughter that erupted deep from her belly, and Five could do nothing but stare blankly at her. He considered the last time he saw her looking genuinely this amused by something was the day of their wedding after they had tossed his Commission tracking device.

“I mean, no. It’s not funny. It’s just…ridiculous. I waited all this time. Counted all these days. And you show up here….like….” she gestures vaguely. “It’s absolutely absurd, and honestly, kind of unfair. Here is was, expecting my 100% normal, thirty year old husband to poof into my house today. And I get the awkward teenager slash old man version of you. This is too much.” She dramatically wiped tears from her eyes.

“Okay, are you done now?” Five stated frankly, with no hint of irritation. He opened his arms to her and she met his embrace, throwing her arms over his shoulders.

“It’s really hard to hug you like this. You lost a few inches in the fray, buddy.” She pressed a kiss onto the top of his head. He pulled away from her to protest, but she just pulled him back in tightly.

“Come on my grumpy little man. Let’s get you over to the Academy and see if your family can possibly help with this. They’re used to things outside of the ordinary.

The couple walked down the street, awkwardly meeting the glances of everyone around them. The uniform jacket was telling, and it was apparent that everyone was shocked to see the prodigal son of the Umbrella Academy, alive and in the flesh, looking exactly how he did nearly fifteen years ago. A man pushing a two seat baby stroller gave them a wide berth on the sidewalk, and gave (Y/n) a double take.

“(Y/n) (Y/L/M/N)?” He proclaimed, causing Y/n to screech to a halt. She turned to face the man, quickly glancing down at the stoller.

“Um, yes? It’s actually (Y/n) Hargreeves now, but yes, that’s me.” Realization dawned on her, and hit her in the face like a runaway freight train. “Uh, how are you, (ex F/n)?”

“I’m great! So great, it’s really fantastic to see you! I’m just on the way to surprise the wife at work, it’s her first week back after her maternity leave, and I know she’s missing the kiddos.” (Y/n) glanced down at the pair of cooing babies in the stoller. “And who’s this strapping young gentleman? I didn’t know you had a little brother.”

Five took an immediate offensive stance. “I’m Five Hargreeves, and I’m her HUSBAND.”

“Oh, God I’m sorry. I guess you just looked a little different the last time I saw you….At our, uh, or rather, your, uh. Wedding.” The young man stammered, and (Y/n) watched Five grow increasingly more irritated.

“Yep, Five is a time traveler extraordinaire. Just had a little mishap with his calculations. He’s not normally a teenager, or anything. Like, it’s not like that at all, I mean…God that sounds so weird. Sorry.” She was beginning to grow flustered, and no longer felt the need to explain herself. “It was nice seeing you, we’ve got to be going now.” Her arm linked around Five’s, as she began dragging him away.

“Well you couldn’t have possibly made that any more awkward,” Five fretted at her. “Bad enough you dumped him at the alter and now you had to explain how your husband, who I don’t know if I mentioned it already, but you DUMPED HIM FOR, is stuck in a teenage body.”

She whipped around him in front of him, staring him down. “Look, you don’t get to be angry at me for your mistake. It’s not my fault that you aren’t even old enough to DRIVE now.” “Well you could have driven if you had ever taken the time to learn how to drive a stick shift.” Five puffed up his chest to look tougher, but it was futile in his current form.

“You’re the one who was never around long enough to teach me how to do it.” He flinched, and she instantly felt a wave of guilt wash over her. “Five, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. We’re both just…tense right now. The world is ending, you’re hormonal and also crabby because you probably won’t get to take advantage of the senior citizen discount at Griddy’s today.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at her. The moment he fell through the portal, and realizing his body was now in shambles due to his miscalculations, all he could think was how she would react. Would she faint? Would she promptly turn him away? Instead, she surpassed all of his expectations and was making jokes at his expense. He paused for a moment and grabbed her hand, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. “You know, now more than ever, I’m so glad I married you. I can’t imagine anyone else being able to handle this curveball.”

“What can I say, Mr. Hargreeves. You had me on the hook for a long time. A little hiccup like this isn’t going to scare me off.” He smiled, lacing his fingers with hers as they continued down the street, the Umbrella Academy looming just a few blocks ahead.

The pair quietly entered the front door, only to be bombarded by all of the siblings at once. Five sulked behind his wife, as each of his family members warmly embraced her. Klaus picked her up and spun her around, quickly locking eyes with his brother. “Oh Jesus Christ, what do we have here?” Klaus murmured, gently placing (Y/n) down on the ground. “If it isn’t our dear little brother, alive and in the flesh…And perhaps a few inches shorter than last time we saw you, hm?”

Allison spoke next without giving Five a chance to respond, a look of shock on her face. “So I’m guessing something wasn’t quite right with your math, was it?”

Five pulled on the sleeves of his blazer. “You can say that again. I fucked up royally. That’s the least of our concerns now though. We only have a few days to stop the Apocalypse from happening, and I still have no idea how we’re going to do it.”

Days had passed, and the family was no closer to determining the catalyst of the Apocalypse than they were when Five and (Y/n) had returned to the Academy. They sat around the kitchen table on the day that Five had so loudly proclaimed would be the end of the world, all eyes sunken in from lack of sleep. Luther dragged his hands down his face, as he looked over at Five sulking over his late night cup of coffee. “Maybe it’s just inevitable. We should have had at least some clue by now.”

Allison scanned over the newspapers scattered along the table. “I mean, there’s nothing in the news that indicates anything out of the ordinary. Nothing political, no threats of nuclear warfare, literally nothing.”

“Or maybe it’s just not going to happen at all? I mean, today is the day isn’t it? Everything has been completely normal.” (Y/n) yawned, her forehead meeting the wooden table

“Maybe it’s you, little brother,” Klaus said, pausing to light the joint pressed between his lips. “I mean, think about it. You’re the only one who experienced the end of the world. Did you ever think, maybe it has something to do with you?” Vanya nodded her head in agreement.

“Klaus might actually have a point. Have you done anything you know of to alter the timeline at all?”

“Yeah, you know like, in time travel movies where someone accidentally kills a bug and it causes the entire future to change? Killed any bugs lately, Five? Or like, Presidents, or whatever it was you had to do with the Commission?” Klaus coughed.

Five thought for a moment, taking a sip of his coffee. “Not really, before I left the Commission, I only did one thing….” (Y/n) jerked her head up from the table, eyes widening. The family looked at him expectantly, then over to her. “You know, the whole crashing her wedding day thing. The head of the Commission, the Handler warned me she would kill us, but I didn’t really think much about it.” The group collectively groaned. Diego stabbed a blade into the table. “Well, these are the kinds of things you might want to tell us, Five. Your former boss literally threatening to murder you seems like a pretty good reason to be on high alert.”

A loud rap at the front door of the Academy put everyone on high alert. They all rose from their spots, quietly making their way towards the door. “Hey, maybe it’s the Apocalypse knocking. We can just ignore it, maybe they’ll think we aren’t home.” Klaus whispered, throwing the remains of his spent joint into a potted plant. Diego peeked out a window near the door. “It’s some blonde woman in a dress. Sound familiar?” He whispered, and Five immediately straightened his tie. “Yep, I’ll take this.” He moved towards the door to unlock it, coming face to face with the Handler.

“Good evening, Five…Assorted Hargreeves.” She flourished her hand, shoving past Five into the living room, depositing a large briefcase by the door. “And Mrs. Hargreeves, a pleasure to see you once again.” (Y/n) felt her heart tighten in her chest, recalling the last ill fated encounter with the woman, and the impossible choice she posed for the pair.

“Wish I could say the same,” (Y/n) scoffed. “Care to tell us why you’re here? You’re getting a bit too familiar with these unexpected housecalls.” The family gathered around her in a protective stance, and she felt the tightness in her chest dissipate.

“Well, I did advise you that I’d be back at a date of MY choosing to dispose of the pair of you, didn’t I?” The Handler towered over (Y/n) in her heels, frowning down at her.

Five shook his head. “That wasn’t part of the deal. I came back to the Commission, I did what you asked, and you sent me to that God-forsaken wasteland.”

She advanced towards Five. “Ah, yes, that much is true. But what I didn’t anticipate was you defying the odds. Do you know what the odds were that you’d be able to time travel back to any point in time to your wife?” She emphasized, venom dripping in her voice. “One in thirty million. Now, wouldn’t you say, the odds of that are simply astronomical?” Five looked over at (Y/n) and his family.

She paused, looking back at the family, then pointed her icy gaze to (Y/n). “You two couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could you?” The Handler smirked at the distressed boy, as she positioned herself in between him and his wife. “Did you really think I could allow you to take everything from me?”

“I didn’t do anything to you. I did my job, I did my time. I just want to live the rest of my life with my wife.” He glowered at her, as she chuckled.

“Five, tell me, why do you think I had such a vested interest in you and your boring little wife here, in your holy union, hm?” She gestured behind her. He shrugged. “I haven’t the inkiest, enough with the damn riddles, why don’t you fill us all in on why you’re so hell bent on killing us?”

The Handler nonchalantly looked at the gun in her hand, then turned towards (Y/n), cocking it in her direction. “It’s really nothing personal, dear. It’s about your baby. Specifically, the baby that you’re set to have in…oh…” She thought a beat, “four years, give or take. If I eliminate you now, the Apocalypse can resume right on schedule.” The family exhaled a collective gasp.

Klaus laughed, “Well, congratulations to my dear brother and his wife on their non-existent baby. But I have to ask, when did you get in the business of murdering babies?”

“Let me break it down for you. If Five had followed orders, he never would have married (Y/n). (Y/n) would have settled down with….that boring guy, what’s his name? Five would have continued working for the Commission, and everything would have been hunky dory. But the moment he defied his orders, the entire timeline changed. He and (Y/n) had their happily ever after, and eventually, (Y/n) will give birth to a beautiful, bouncing baby girl. Not just a girl though, the most powerful time traveler in history, in any timeline. With the inherited skills of her father, and with the complex ability of their mother to become a big flashing beacon in the space-time continuum, which might I add, didn’t seem like much until we determined Five could find her in ANY timeline under any circumstance, you have a recipe for someone powerful enough to overthrow the entire Commission, namely me. Because this child was born, the entire scenario for the Apocalypse was avoided completely, no matter what variables we changed, infinitely into the future. It just never happens. The only variable that changed was me. My entire life’s work, bypassed, like a bump in the road. The Apocalypse that I deemed absolutely necessary, gone, thanks to a single choice.”

Allison stared at the Handler incredulously. “So what you’re really saying, is you’re too selfish and drunk off power to give it up. Someone more suited to the job, who doesn’t even exist yet, is so much of a threat to you, that you’ll eliminate anyone involved?”

“Well, I was only going to eliminate (Y/n), I don’t particularly enjoy getting my hands messy. There would have been no greater delight than seeing Five suffer for his indiscretions; however, since the whole family is here, I might as well make a day of it.”

Chaos erupted in the expanse of the Umbrella Academy’s living room. (Y/n) wasn’t sure who cast the first stone, but a flurry of bullets began raining down on the Hargreeves family. Diego curved as many of the bullets as he could, as he ushered her towards the hallway. She craned her neck to peer over his shoulder, desperately trying to find Five in the fray, as she was shoved into a bedroom in the hallway, a gun being thrust into her hands by her brother-in-law. In defeat, she pressed herself against the wooden door, trying to hear anything at all, only to be met with the sounds of glass and furniture breaking, guns being fired, indiscernible shouts of her family fighting for their lives.

Gathering her resolve, she crept from the room, unable to stand not knowing what was occurring just beyond the walls. Gun outstretched in front of her, she quietly made her way down the hall, just as all of the fighting abruptly stopped.

“Where the hell did she go?” Vanya hissed, as the family peered around, puzzled. “We had her pinned down?”

Luther cautiously evaluated the rest of the family. “I don’t like this one bit. She wouldn’t just zap out of her, would she?” Allison looked towards the front door, noting the telltale briefcase that sat by the door. “She’s still here somewhere, she couldn’t get out without the briefcase.”

(Y/n) peeked around the corner glancing around at the scene before her. All of the lightbulbs in the room had been mostly shattered and the room was awash with the little light that shone in through the innumerable windows. In the dim light, chairs and tables could be seen upturned and scattered around the room.

“Five?” She called out weakly, in a desperate bid to get his attention. His gaze quickly turned towards her, and a look of terror overtook his features. A loud pop resounded through the space, and a searing pain shot through the center of her chest. Slowly, (Y/n) peered down, noting the slow stream of dark red that stained the front her shirt. Everything started to go black, as Five rushed towards her.

“What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?” He screamed at the Handler who stood smugly behind where (Y/n) had collapsed on the floor. Five removed his blazer and pressed the fabric to her steadily bleeding chest.

“Restoring order, that’s what, Five. Her being alive was a conflict of interest I suppose you could say. I think there’s going to be a little change of plans though, seeing the anguish on your face, I think that’s the best punishment I could ask for.” She glided past the family towards the briefcase, and no one moved.

“(Y/n) please stay with me, stay awake, you’re going to be fine.” Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes, as he desperately fumbled with the compress on her chest. Her breath began to slow, as she reached up and pressed a hand to Five’s cheek. Klaus crouched down beside the pair, and placed his hand over Five’s.

“Five, I can feel her leaving. She isn’t going to make it.” Klaus whispered, remorseful. Five stood beside her, the space all around him glowing blue.

“I didn’t come all this way through time just to lose her.” He tightly shut his eyes, and the room began moving slowly in reverse, the Handler moving slowly backwards towards the clandestine hallway. (Y/n)’s crumpled form rose from the spot on the ground, the dark blood receding back into her body, as Five’s nose began bleeding profusely from his efforts. He felt himself weaken, as the scene resumed before him.

“Where the hell did she go?” Vanya hissed, looking towards Five who stood in his new spot near the hallway. “We had her pinned down?”

“She’s in the hallway,” he replied weakly. “She’s going to kill (Y/n). I just….reversed time by just a few minutes. We have to make sure she doesn’t kill her this time.” A moment later, (Y/n) peered around the corner. Five rushed forward with the last bit of strength he had left, pulling her into the living room and shoving her aside as he collapsed on top of her. The Handler revealed herself, looking thoroughly confused. The gun fell to her side. “Well, this is certainly odd. Did our boy just manipulate time here? So much power, so much wasted on a perfectly normal girl.”

Klaus strode forward, fists illuminated. “She’s not perfectly normal, she loves Five and that’s a feat all on its own. The kid’s hard to love, no doubt about that, but she does, and that’s worth saving.” In a flash, a barrage of tentacles burst forth from his chest, and the ghostly figure of Ben could be seen just beyond Klaus’s form. The Horror reached forth, grabbing onto the Handler’s limbs, gruesomely tearing her apart bit by bit. The family looked on in shock at the grisly scene, until there was nothing left of the Handler but a puddle of blood and gore, spewed on the floor and walls.

And just like that, the Handler was gone, ripped apart by otherworldly forces that seeped from Klaus’s body. The family stood, stark-still, covered in entrails, before erupting in fits of laughter. Luther swept Allison up in his arms, her shrieking delightedly. “I can’t believe that’s it. That it was just that easy. Klaus, I think dad might have been wrong about your powers being totally useless.”

Klaus’s hands were still shaking, as he peered down at them in disbelief. “That….bitch. I can’t believe she would have just killed (Y/n) to intentionally cause the Apocalypse. And (Y/n)…” he shot a glance over at her. “I can’t believe you were the key it all along.”

She hadn’t moved. The ringing in her ears had barely subsided, when she pressed her hands into Five’s chest to meet him face to face. His expression was barely readable, save for the telltale upturn of the corners of his mouth. The words came out so soft, the family could barely make it out. “Our baby? The Handler couldn’t handle the idea of being replaced…That’s why. That’s why they warned me we couldn’t be together. Why they tortured me, making me see you be with that asshole over and over again. If we were together, the Apocalypse would never even happen. I really ruined her timeline, didn’t I?” He chuckled, rolling over onto the bloody floor, wiping his nose of his own blood.

Diego walked across the room towards the phone, wiping his knives on his already bloodied pants. Vanya looked at him incredulously. “Diego what on earth are you doing? Is now really time to make a phone call?”

He picked up the phone and dialed quickly. “It is. I’m calling (Y/f/n). Knowing how close we were to the whole world ending, I’m not taking anymore chances.” (Y/n) turned to him, shocked. “You know, she’s been hung up on you for years, Diego. I think everyone deserves a chance at a happy ending, now.” Five stood and stretched his hand down to hers and pulled her up. He carefully snaked his arm around her waist, pressing a chaste kiss on her bare and bloodied shoulder. “Even us, Five.”

He smiled, peering up at her through his dark hair. “Especially us, Mrs. Hargreeves. Especially us.”

Luther lurched over to the liquor cabinet, and sighed. “You know, I know it’s usually Klaus that suggests we start drinking, but I propose we go ahead and pop one of these nice bottles and celebrate tonight.” And they did. Vanya pulled out her violin, creating lively, happy music for the group as they danced and laughed around the living room. Allison stole a not so secret kiss from Luther, and the family loudly teased them, secretly grateful that they were no longer hiding their affections after so many years. Klaus was able to manifest Ben once more, who although he couldn’t drink, still engaged in the party just as much as any living person could. Diego had snuck out quietly sometime after his phone call, and (Y/n) hoped with all hope that he was finally going to apologize for being a such a jerk to her closest friend.

Five had pulled her into what she could only describe as an “awkward middle school style slow dance”, with her arms clasped loosely around his shoulders as they swayed side to side. “You know”, Five started, “my father taught all of us how to ballroom dance as kids.”

(Y/n) laughed, pulling him in a bit closer. “Is there anything you can’t do, Five? You’re remarkable.”

“Well obviously I’m not great at time travel, but I think those days might be behind me. At least, after I figure out how to get my normal body back.” He frowned. “(Y/n), have you considered what we’re going to do if I’m stuck like this? Permanently?”

She considered him for a moment. “Truthfully, no. I hadn’t really considered that to be a possibility. I mean, it would be kind of nice, you’d be able to take care of me when I get old and senile.” He pushed his foot forward and tripped her, easily causing her to lose her balance in her tipsy state . “HEY! Come on, Five, you know I’m kidding. I think…..I think we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it, okay? I love you. I love you no matter what. Even if we can’t really….do the thing normal married people do. It’ll be okay.” She yawned, slowing her movements.

“I admire your persistent optimism. But my wife appears to be growing weary. Want to go relax in the library while I go over some of my old notes?” She nodded, craning down to place her head on his shoulder. “Alright, let’s go.” He gently pulled her arm across the back of his shoulders, and they made their way towards the stairs, calling out their goodnights to the family as they went.

The math was right there all along, in one of his oldest, most worn down notebooks. In disbelief, he reread his notes over and over, and was sure he couldn’t have possibly gotten it wrong. (Y/n) was dozing off in the plush arm chair, and he took a moment to admire her: all of the stress from the impending doom was gone. No tell-tale gunshot wound, no signs of excessive blood-loss. Her shoulders were no longer tense, the space between her eyes no longer creased. A peaceful expression had fallen over her, as though she would be perfectly content to live out her days in that chair with Five’s company, illuminated only by the small lamp in the middle of the table.

He drew a large red circle around the offending equation, and rose from his spot. He peered down at her snoozing form, and ran his hand through her hair. Careful not to wake her, he placed the notebook on the arm of the chair and strode quietly towards the door, knowing what he had to do.

He whispered something softly to himself, towards the empty hallways of the Academy.

The ocean waves were breaking softly along the shore, now littered with seashells after an afternoon rainstorm. The only chaos that remained was the wind that whipped through her hair, now unruly and wild from the rain. She turned around and saw him standing there, frozen in time with a grin on his face. Everything moved in slow motion as she ran towards him, crashing into his embrace. His palms rested on her cheeks, capturing her in a passionate kiss, until a small voice interrupted them.

“Mommy? Daddy?” She turned to peer down at the source of the small voice, to be met by a tiny girl with dark hair and verdant green eyes. Five bent down, finding purchase under the child’s arms, hoisting her to his chest. (Y/n) gingerly kissed the child’s forehead, then pressed another dizzying kiss to Five’s lips. He whispered words against her flesh that she had read so long before, words that were so real, she’s certain she couldn’t have dreamed them. “If something happens, just know I’ll find you eventually. I promise.”

(Y/n) woke with a start, knocking something off the arm of the chair. She slowly reached down, peering down at the foreign numbers and figures, outlined in bold red, then glanced across the room. Five was no longer situated at the table, and she began to panic. The woman leapt from her chair, sprinting down the hallway, shouting at the top of her lungs.

“Five? Five where are you?!” The pounding of her feet and the thundering of her pulse led her straight to his childhood room’s door. Before she could connect with the doorknob, a flash of blue illuminated the space beneath the door, accompanied by the telltale “pop” of her husband attempting some sort of jump. She flung the door open wide, only to be met once again with darkness. The room was empty: Five was gone. Again.

Weeks had passed, maybe even months at this point. (Y/n) wasn’t sure. No longer having the list of dates to guide her now that the Apocalypse had been avoided, she had, for the most part, lost herself in time. She could only assume it was midday, judging by the light that cascaded through the windows. Padding down the halls of their still empty home, she stopped to stare at herself in the bathroom mirror: her eyes had grown weary, and her hair was a matted mess, sticking up in all directions. Gently, she prodded at her ribs, which protruded slightly more than usual, a testament to her terrible diet since Five had…..Disappeared? That didn’t feel like the right word for it. Someone can’t disappear when this is their entire modus operandi. The absences were something she had grown accustomed to, but this time felt entirely different. There was no carefully curated list of dates, handwritten by Five. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to expect. Not even a “goodbye” or “I’ll see you soon” to soothe her addled brain, only the words echoed in her dream from the note he wrote her as a child.

Starting the shower, she went through the motions. “This is what he would want me to do, right?” She thought to herself. “He would want me to try to be normal. Whatever that means.” Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. “Come on, don’t cry. You cried it all out the first week. You’re too dehydrated to cry anymore.” Throwing her clothes haphazardly across the bathroom, she climbed into the shower.

And there she sat. She sat on the floor of the walk-in shower until the water ran cold. When she finally collected herself from the floor and wrapped herself in an oversized towel, she could have sworn she caught the wafting scent of coffee, but she waved it off as wishful thinking. (Y/n) glided towards the kitchen, a towel-clad phantom of a person haunting her home. Just beyond the threshold, she stopped dead in her tracks. A full pot of coffee sat brewed on the countertop, steam floating towards to ceiling. For a moment her breath left her lungs. Clutching her towel to her tightly, she raced towards the living room where Five Hargreeves, looking about fifteen years older than their last encounter, sat on the couch. The moment he laid eyes on her, he moved towards her as fast as his legs would carry him, stopping short as he saw her chest heaving in what he could only assume to be rage.

“I can explain. I can explain everything.” Five spoke calmly, as though he were trying to persuade an animal to not attack him. “I had the equations right years ago, I just didn’t realize it before. I was such a cocky asshole kid back then. I knew I could make this jump, it had to be just the right moment in time to get it perfect, to get me back to my normal body. Back to you.”

“Are you….Are you really home? For good? Just like this?” Her breathing was still erratic, knuckles turning with how tightly she squeezed the towel.

“For good.” He nodded, taking a step closer.

“And no more big jumps? No more accidentally getting stuck in the wrong body?”

“Nope. No more Commission. No more assassinations. I think it’s time to grow old…again. The right way.” He reached towards her, his palms resting on her shoulders.

“And what’s the right way, Five?” She closed her eyes, relishing in the warmth of his hands.

“Together. With you.”

She moved so quickly Five was afraid he may not be able to grab her in time. She darted forward, throwing her arms and legs around him, nearly knocking him to the ground. He supported her weight and held her flush against him. A sob erupted from her against the side of his neck. “Promise me, Five. Promise you won’t ever leave me like that again. I was so scared you were gone. For good. That you would be lost and I would have no idea.” She grabbed his face, kissing him in earnest over and over, her lips salty from the broken dam of tears that ran down her face. “God, I never want to stop kissing you. It feels like I haven’t been able to in ages.”

Five felt his emotions getting the better of him, and thought for a moment that he may cry. “You know I was always going to make it back to you. My lighthouse.” He smiled against her kiss, returning it with equal fervor.

“Take me to bed, Five. I think we need to make up for lost time, no pun intended.”

#fivehargreevesxreader fivehargreeves #the umbrella academy #tua #romance #angst

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maknaesdancersrappers · 5 years ago

Text

devotee.

warning/s: very dark themes (stalking, non consensual voyeurism, extreme violence, mentions of blood, talks about abusive mental disorders, obsession, death threats??), explicit smut (masturbation, unprotected sex, cum play, cunnilingus)

Please read at your own discretion.

Jaehyun’s version of Devoted. (please read this first if you haven’t before reading this one)

wc: ~12k

a/n: this is a scheduled post; i should be out of town when this gets posted, so please leave me messages about your thoughts on this!! This will give a little insight on how Jaehyun’s mind works throughout the entire Devoted!AU.

disclaimer: I don’t know anything about how therapy works (uh,,, not yet??) and the actual inner workings of it all so please excuse any blunders if there are any in that aspect!!! I’m pretty sure even the professions I’m using are wrong, so I’m sorry huehuehue ;A; feel free to educate my naive ass.

Jeon Bohyuk sighs heavily, reading through the notes from his last therapy session from months ago. It was alarming how… troubled… this family was. His own father had warned him about taking on his position, but he still pursued it. Bound by extreme secrecy and a very, very hefty paycheck; Dr. Jeon can only do as he’s told and make sure none of these sessions make it out to the public.

It was quite difficult being the Jung Conglomerate’s therapist.

His father always told him, “The Jung’s come first in any situation and problem they face.”

A knock sounds on the door and Dr. Jeon tells them to let themselves in. The familiar face peeks through the door and politely smiles like he always does.

“Ah, Jaehyun. It’s been quite awhile, hasn’t it?” He greets, standing up to move from his desk to the armchair while the newcomer sits at the velvet chaise lounge like a routine.

“Good morning, doctor.” Jaehyun sighs, sinking his body against the furniture already.

Dr. Jeon notices the bandaged hand resting on his patient’s lap, but doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he picks up his pen and notepad. “So, how have you been since our last meeting? I was starting to think you would never come back.”

Jaehyun stares at the ceiling for a moment and Dr. Jeon notes it down while he starts to answer him, “I might not come back for awhile after this… my girlfriend, [Y/N]...”

“Yes?” Dr. Jeon looks up at him through his lashes, anticipating his following words. These sessions were because of her; or rather, how Jaehyun had become obsessed with her.

“She knows about my condition. The gist, at least. I didn’t mention the actual disorder; not yet… the timing wasn’t right.”

“And?” Dr. Jeon is continuously writing down in his notepad. “How did Ms. [Y/N] react?”

“Like you predicted, she was scared. But we compromised,” Jaehyun glances at him.

He nods his head and hums in approval, “That’s good. Did you willingly tell her or?”

“No, I got caught.” Jaehyun moves his bare hand over his bandaged one, “You told me during our last session that I should try putting some distance between us.”

It was to help - and also test - his (unhealthy) obsession with her. For years, he comes in for therapy sessions to talk about her and how he feels. Any other psychologists would have been alarmed, but given his family background, Dr. Jeon simply accepted that Jaehyun had found his trigger. What troubles him, however, was his wording. “Caught? What do you mean?”

“A break?” She stares up at him, “What do you mean?”

The suggestion was out of Jaehyun’s mouth before he could actually think it through. He stops walking, resulting her to stop as well. He pouts at her, pushing her stray strands of hair away from her face. “We barely have time for each other. We’re not breaking up, but we just… take a break from seeing each other to focus on finals and getting things done for graduation.”

She gives it a thought, “I guess you’re right… Plates are piling up and most of them have the same deadline.”

“I’d love to watch you work on them and cheer you on, but we hit a bump with our thesis.”

“Then I guess a break is really something we need, yeah? But we’re not technically breaking up, right?” She stretches her arms and hook them over his nape, playing with his soft, thick hair.

“Of course not.” He almost scowls, bringing a little giggle to bubble from her chest. “Until finals are over, there won’t be any seeing each other.”

“No booty calls.”

Jaehyun is visibly disheartened by this, but still nods, “No booty calls. No de-stressing together.”

“No dates,” She adds, “Even texts and phone calls?”

“No distractions at all.” There was regret in his words already. “I can’t walk you to your classes anymore.”

Truth be told, he didn’t have to walk her to her classes. His routes to his classes don’t even graze hers; he literally goes out of his way to walk her to her room, even though he could possibly be late (maybe even locked out) of his next subject.

“This is torture, Jaehyun, are you sure about this?”

Again, before he can think it through, he nods his head and it seals the deal.

Jaehyun barely lasted a day without her, constantly fighting the urge to find her or even send her a text. Halfway through the week, he busies himself with studies but always finds his mind wandering to what she was doing. At the end of the first week, he can’t congratulate himself; he needed to know how she was, what she was doing, where she’s been during her free time; he thinks about if she had pleasured herself with him running through her mind. He needed to see her, touch her, breathe her scent in. The picture on his nightstand isn’t enough, but he doesn’t have a choice. He’s done it before, and there’s no shame in doing it again, he’s just glad he has her photo protected between glasses to make it easier to clean later.

By the second week, he is back to his old habits. He’s keeping tabs on her; following her around when both their schedules are free. His mind is at ease knowing she’s keeping to herself without him, enjoying the company of her friends - people he actually trusts - and not paying attention to other guys.

Jaehyun remembers one of his therapy sessions; how Dr. Jeon talked about how his obsession with her was borderline unhealthy. He said that there was a high chance she wouldn’t like it and would probably leave him. The thought frightened Jaehyun; losing her was the worst thing that could ever happen to him. But she was so attractive; she might not see it, but he can. He can see every guy glancing at her when she enters a room or passes by. He can see their eyes glint with appreciation as it rakes down her entire being, how they would lick their lips like she was their next meal. It made his blood boil.

He follows her around not because he doesn’t trust her; he just doesn’t trust anybody else around her.

But her roommates just had to invite her out one Friday night.

There was a permanent frown on his face as he presses his back to the adjacent wall of her bedroom window.

“No. That’s too short.”

Without even looking, Jaehyun already knew what dress her roommate had pulled out of her closet. The image of her in that little black dress that stopped just above her thighs immediately sent a reaction to his crotch. He hated that dress because everything only he should see would be exposed to the world if she so much as lean forward; but he loved to fuck her in that dress. Easy access.

“It’s cute and sexy!”

‘Damn right, it is. But it’s also for my eyes only.’ Jaehyun presses himself more into the shadows when he spots some night joggers passing by.

“But Jae-”

“Last time I checked, you and Jaehyun are currently on break. Let your legs and ass breathe while they can. You’ve kept your best assets in pants or baggy shorts because Jaehyun doesn’t like it when guys ogle them.”

‘Fuck you, Minkyung. I’m supposed to like you more than Yebin.’

“Uhm, I don’t like being ogled by other guys, too.”

‘Oh, my poor baby, don’t worry, I’ll make sure they’ll regret even looking at you.’ He shifts a bit, adjusting his half-hard cock in his pants and peeking through her blinds. He almost let out a moan; she looked so… delicious in that dress. There’s no way a guy won’t be sparing her an appreciative once-over. He quietly leaves, careful not to make the metal stairs squeak under his feet.

Jaehyun knows where they were heading. He’s heard Yebin talking about it weeks ago. A quick taxi ride later, he’s seated at the far end of the bar. He had a tall glass of beer, watching the crowd from under his cap. Minutes later, he spots her and her roommates walking in. When she turned her head to the bar, he looks down to avoid her gaze. Giving it a few seconds, he cautiously looks back up to find her making her way to an empty booth.

“Jaehyun!” Someone pats his back and he’s lucky the music drowned out his voice before it could even reach to where she is. “I rarely see you drinking without your girl, man.”

Jaehyun sighs, pulling a face at the person who welcomed himself to the empty seat beside him.

Kim Mingyu was an ace player on the baseball team. He was on the basketball team for the first year of uni with Jaehyun, but switched sports during sophomore year.

“Yeah, we’re on a break.” Jaehyun might as well entertain him. In case he gets discovered by her or her roommates, he could always use Mingyu as an alibi. “We won’t have time for each other since we’re all graduating soon.”

“Tell me about it! We just had our very last training a while ago, so we’re celebrating here. Just tossed our bats and mitts in the back of our pick-ups and drove here.” Mingyu nods to his rowdy teammates over at the corner of the room. “I’m gonna miss baseball.”

“Not going pro?” Jaehyun takes a sip of his beer, briefly glancing over to her booth where a waiter delivered her cocktails.

Mingyu thanks the bartender after the beer he ordered was served to him. He chuckles, shaking his head to his question, “Nah, I don’t love the sport enough to have it become my profession. I’m going to try and be a model instead. What about you? You left basketball for your girlfriend. Talk about being whipped.”

“Basketball is just a hobby and another way to exercise for me. Besides, I’m taking over the family business so going pro isn’t an option.”

Jaehyun continues to converse with Mingyu, still checking up on her every now and then. He’s had three beers already that had his body buzzing and although it’s not enough to make him tipsy or drunk, he stops drinking and opted for water.

“Hey, man.” Mingyu slurs a bit, “It was great catching up with you, but I should go back to my teammates, it is our last night as a team.”

“You, too. Take care, Mingyu.” Jaehyun offers a weary smile as he watches his friend shakily stumbled back to where his team was. He moves his gaze back to her booth but panicked when he found it empty. Quickly, his eyes scan the dancing crowd and he’s quick to spot her. However, relief is nowhere in his system. There was a man eyeing her from behind and his gut already told him to make his way over.

But he was too late because from what it looks like, he had touched her. Her. His girlfriend. Jaehyun’s nostrils flared, standing up from his seat and pauses. Yebin had taken care of the situation immediately, stomping on the stranger’s foot and taking her away from him.

These were the rare moments Jaehyun could rely on Yebin. He continues to watch all three of them throw some cash onto their booth, grab their things, and make a beeline for the exit. He was sure she was going home, and he’ll check up on her in a minute, but he reckons he has something to deal with first as his eyes settled on the stranger that touched what had belonged to him.

Jaehyun stalks behind the stranger as he walks back to his car alone at the back of the vast, dimly lit parking lot. He pulls his hood over his head and lowers his cap. He recognizes Mingyu’s car and without thinking, grabs the nearest bat he could from the back and continues to walk up to the stranger.

Adrenaline was pumping through Jaehyun’s veins. He could only see red; he’s seething with anger as he raises the bat over his head. Before the stranger notices him, he strikes him; straight on the head. A pained cry leaves the man as he falls to the ground on his knees, clutching his head. The only coherent thought Jaehyun has in his head is the fact that this man had touched [Y/N] and that was enough to drive him to hit the man once, twice, thrice, not stopping even when blood is sprayed onto his face. He relents once the man is knocked unconscious.

Jaehyun’s breath is ragged, assessing what he had just done. Before anyone could catch him, he runs away with the baseball bat still in hand.

Dr. Jeon has removed his glasses and has been rubbing his eyes for a good minute after Jaehyun recounts his story. “Jaehyun.”

“He’s alive.” Jaehyun crosses his arms, retreating his attention back to the ceiling, already knowing where the warning mention of his name is going.

“Okay,” Dr. Jeon says, mostly to himself, “How did you feel about this? Let’s start with Ms. [Y/N] going out in a dress you deem ‘too short’ for her to wear out.”

“I’m not mad at her. Her friends forced her into it. [Y/N] is submissive; she gives into peer pressure most of the time.”

“So you were mad at her friends?”

Jaehyun half-heartedly shrugs his shoulders, “More annoyed. They got her into the mess, but they also saved her from it.”

“And this man,”

“Kim Iljung.” Jaehyun cuts in, covering his eyes with his unharmed hand.

“Oh, so you do know him?”

“No, his assault was broadcasted the next day on campus news.”

Dr. Jeon pauses, trying his best not to release another dismayed sigh. Not only did Jaehyun refer to this man’s assault like he hadn’t done it, he doesn’t sound remorseful at all. “Okay, this Mr. Kim Iljung… do you think he deserved to be punished like that? Were you satisfied with what had happened to him?”

Without another beat, Jaehyun nods. “Yes.”

The incident at the bar must have scared her off, Jaehyun assumes, because after classes, she goes straight home to either rest up or study. It’s been nine weeks, and yes, he knows, he counts each day he hasn’t sent her a text. He knew she was home, probably asleep, but he was out for a jog so he thought he would stop by - by her window, he means. Sneaking up the emergency stairs, he peers into her room and cusses under his breath, “Oh shit.”

She had music playing loud enough that it escapes through the closed window. She left the lights open for some reason while she lay on her bed, stripped naked, legs spread apart and fingers dancing on her clit.

Jaehyun inwardly groans, kneeling down to get a better view and hide himself in the shadows. He’s palming himself, biting down on his lower lip to prevent him from being too loud. When he sees her slip a finger in, he pushes the band of his shorts down and takes his cock out of the fly of his briefs. He’s already leaking; throbbing in his hold. For weeks, he relied only on his memories and her pictures to avoid getting blue balls.

He can explode with only a few pumps while watching her pleasure herself. Even better that she had moaned followed with a whimper of his name.

“Yes, baby that’s it.” He couldn’t stop himself from saying, furiously chasing after his high when he sees she added another finger. He can’t wait for her to come first, he’ll need to leave soon.

When her free hand goes over her breast to give it a tight grip with a soft cry with name; Jaehyun can feel his balls tightening. If only she could see him, coming undone from the sight of her masturbating with the thought of him. God, he loves her.

Unable to contain it any longer, Jaehyun comes; squirting his seed onto the window pane. A groan escapes him and he knows she must have heard it; noticing how she suddenly stops and looks around the room. He ducks away while tucking himself back into his shorts just as she looks to where he was and decides in a split second to jump down from the second floor and hide among the trash bins.

“Fuck.” He breathes, landing on his feet and ducking between the garbage cans. Looking up, he sees her poke her head out the window and looking down the emergency staircase. He holds his breath in, hoping he’s completely concealed in the shadows, releasing it only when she shivers a little and retreat back into the room. When he hears her slam the window close and draw the curtains, he waits a few more seconds before standing up, dusting himself off, and walking away as casual as possible.

“Do you think what you did was wrong? Or do you think it was okay because she’s your girlfriend?” Dr. Jeon puts his pen down for second to stretch his cramping hand.

“I don’t think anything’s wrong with it. Like you said, she’s my girlfriend.”

“But did you consider how she would have felt about it?”

Jaehyun curtly laughs, “[Y/N] is an exhibitionist. I’m sure she would have liked it.”

Dr. Jeon hums, “Even if she didn’t know you actually were?”

Jaehyun falls silent, resuming his stare off with the ceiling.

“If she would have liked it as you claim, why did you run off?”

“Because we were on break,” Jaehyun snaps, “That were the rules we set.”

“Rules you had long broken. I know these sessions are for you, Jaehyun, but if you really love Ms. [Y/N], you would consider how this would affect her own mental health in the long run.”

With a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s brows knit together, “I know.”

Finals were next week. Jaehyun found out from Johnny that [Y/N] was spending an all-nighter at the library. He had just finished reviewing for the first three exams he decided to take a night jog to destress; also excusing it to check up on her and probably watch over her if she were to walk back to her dorm in the dead of the night.

After a few laps around the university park, he makes a quick detour towards the library where he chances upon her leaving. It was about time to cool down so he slows down to a stride, stops his playlist, and follows her, leaving a good distance between the two of them.

What he didn’t expect was [Y/N] making her own detour; walking towards the gymnasium. Jaehyun is confused; it’s been hours since it was closed. How was she getting in?

He watches in amusement as she jumps the fence after a quick scan of her environment, causing him to duck behind a tree. Without hesitating, he follows after her once more. When he enters the gymnasium with the same door she had just unlocked and just barely catches her slipping into the hall that leads to the pool, he should have known where she was off to.

The sound of water sloshing and her soft moan echoes from the open door, bringing a little grin on Jaehyun’s face. He loved watching her swim. He could tell how happy she is when she swam. Before he knows it, he walks up until the edge of the pool; watching her swim down to the bottom and noting the bright red underwear set she had. He looks over to the side and sees her bag and discarded clothes.

“Oh my god! Jaehyun!” He whips his head towards her, “You scared me!”

It wasn’t his intention to be discovered, but he’s not going to let the chance of seeing her swim up close pass. He takes out his earphones and chuckles, “I’m sorry.”

She frowns at him, “How did you even know I was here?”

“I was out for a jog when I saw you jump the fence.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. When she blushes at the fact she was caught trespassing, Jaehyun squats down and smiles at her, “If anything, I should be asking you why you’re sneaking into the pool after closing time.”

Then he felt his breath hitch when she bites down on her lip, swimming over to where he stood, “The past weeks have been hard on me and I need to destress. Won’t you help me, Jae?”

He wants to say ‘yes,’ but he just stared her down, “I don’t think that’s how taking breaks from a relationship works, [Y/N].”

“We’ve made it this far, Jae. Can’t we cheat this break thing?”

Already have, babe.

“[Y/N]” He warns, although he can feel his resolve crumbling down already.

“Please, Jae. For me?” She unconsciously bats her lashes at him and he’s annoyed at himself at how he loves that.

Sighing, Jaehyun shrugs, “I don’t have my swimming trunks.”

She giggles at him, “If you haven’t noticed, I’m in my underwear.”

He watches her a little bit more and he thinks she must have thought he was hesitating, because she reaches up and unzips his jacket for him. “Do you need help or are you going to let me play by myself?”

‘Not this time, baby.’ He thinks, smirking as he rises from the ground, discarding his jacket, and peeling his shirt away.

Jaehyun pretends he doesn’t see her practically salivating when she sees his body. He pushes his running shorts down and stands in his black boxers.

She’s biting down on your lips again when he kicks his shoes off and he smirks at her before diving head first into the water. When he resurfaced, he has her trapped on the other side of the pool after swimming underneath her; trying to chase her as she playfully swim away.

Jaehyun wipes away the excess water off his face while she wraps her arms around his shoulders.

“Hi.” She whispers, laughing when he flashes her a smile as she helps push his wet hair back.

“Hi.” He breathes, grabbing onto her thighs and guiding her legs around him. “So you needed to destress?”

She nods her head, sliding the hand that pushed his hair back down the side of his face. “How are you gonna help me?”

A number of options spill through his mind as he pulls her hips closer and grinds his erection against her crotch, eliciting a cute, silent gasp from her. “I can think of a few things.”

“C-care to show me?” She stutters and Jaehyun found it so endearing that he just had to kiss her for it.

The open kiss was messy and sloppy, and it was desperate, needy, and hungry. It was absolutely carnal, especially when she claws his bare back, looking for support as she slid down his body. Jaehyun pushes her against the side of the pool for leverage while his tongue invades her mouth, stroking her own as one of his hands roughly grabs her breasts, pushing it above the water’s surface.

He watches her throw her head back and rested it against the poolside as he clumsily thumbs her hardened nipples before leaning down to trail a sloppy kiss from her cheek, to her jaw, and stopped short on the side of her neck.

Jaehyun was losing it. He needed to have her then and there; but then a high pitched whistle hurls him back to reality.

“Shame on you two, fucking in a public pool.” Deep laughter follows afterwards.

He glares over to the entrance where a group of boys watched in amusement. He can feel [Y/N] shrink into him, obviously humiliated, and he covers her body from them.

“Do you mind?” He snaps at them, defensively putting his arms around her.

“Yeah, man, we do mind.” One of them hollers, “We wanted to swim in sperm-free water.”

“Jae, let’s just go.” She whispers to him, but he doesn’t react immediately; dark eyes glaring straight to the space behind her. His breathing had slowed and became heavy with explicit images of what he could possibly do to them, if only she wasn’t present.

“Jaehyun,” She cups his cheek and makes him face her, “Baby, let’s just go.”

It takes him another second to react. He closes his eyes, ignoring the violent thoughts, and kisses her forehead. “Okay.”

The guys didn’t pay attention to them anymore as they jumped into the far end of the pool. Jaehyun helped her get out of the pool and instinctively, he checked on the guys as he got out after her. Just as he expected, one of them was checking her out while she bent over to grab her things.

“Hey!” He shouts, “I’d appreciate it if you stopped checking my girlfriend out.”

“Can’t help it, man. No wonder you can’t keep your hands off of her.” And this asshole had the gall to look at her once more in an overly appreciative manner that made his blood boil like the incident at the bar.

Jaehyun balls his fists up, trying to get the rational side of him to calm himself down.

“Jaehyun, leave him alone. It’s not worth our time, come on.” She reminds him; her words and worried tone alone was enough to calm him, but the asshole just had to interrupt.

“Do her real good, man!”

He’s seeing red again, mind completely flooded with ways on how to beat this guy up, but she’s holding onto him with a vice grip and begging softly, “Baby, please, I just want to go home.”

And he finally relents to her request. Snatching the rest of their clothing up, they both head for the locker rooms to dry up and dress before leaving the premises.

“Let me walk you home.” Jaehyun pulls her to his side after seeing her shiver. After a while, he quietly says, “I’m sorry about those dickheads.”

“It’s not your fault. Maybe it’s the universe saying we shouldn’t be cheating on taking a break.” She huddles closer to him when a breeze blew by. “But I really miss you, Jae.”

This makes him happy. He kisses the top of her head, “I miss you, too. We have a week left. I think we can hold out until then.”

“Until then? Hold out, what exactly?” She teases, spinning on her heels as they arrive at the doorstep of her dorm.

He leans down and kisses the spot between her jaw and ear. “What could have happened back in the pool and so much more in the privacy of our homes.” He purposely whispers in a deep and low tone, tickling her ear and making her pull away with a short laugh.

“I can’t wait, then.” She flirtatiously says, and he leans down to kiss her lips. “Get home safely, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry for not helping you destress.” Jaehyun slightly pouts at her and she smiles at him.

“I had this time with you.” She shrugs her shoulders, “It helped.”

“You can always play with yourself again.” He chuckles under his breath, and a little louder, says, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She quietly responded.

He hopes she didn’t hear what he said as he walks away. Waiting for the sound of the dorm doors closing, he looks back to see she had already entered. She’s back in the safety of her home, but Jaehyun still feels unsettled with what had happened back at the pool.

Forget the serious case of blue balls; he’s furious; immensely angered by the guys - especially the one who basically undressed her with his eyes and wasn’t ashamed to show it. He pulls his phone out to check the time. It’s past midnight and the guys are probably still at the pool.

By the time Jaehyun returns to the gymnasium, the guys were all leaving; not even being sneaky about it. The typical troublemaking frat boys from the other side of the campus, Jaehyun thinks with a scoff. He memorizes their faces as they noisily went home before he does the same.

It takes Jaehyun a few days to find the guy who disrespected [Y/N]. He finds him smoking behind the bleachers of the soccer field all alone - perfect. He had requested for two bodyguards to accompany him just in case he had his friends with him.

The guy recognizes him when he approaches, a lazy grin growing on his face. “Hey, weren’t you that dude at the pool with the hot girl?”

Jaehyun’s fist are already balled up at his side. So the fucker remembers him because of [Y/N]? Oh, boy.

“What’s up, man? Did you need a light?” He cheers, taking his lighter out from his pocket and handed it to Jaehyun.

It disgusts him at how he thinks it’s okay to talk to him like they were long time friends.

He ignores the lighter and stares him down, “I don’t like how you looked at my girlfriend and made crude comments about her.”

The guy looks at him like he had said something stupid, snorting, “What? Aw, come on, man, don’t act like you didn’t finish elsewhere. Besides, your girlfriend? In that little red thing? I would have-”

He couldn’t finish his lewd statement because Jaehyun reels his arm back and swings a clean cut across this stranger’s face, sending him stumbling back to the floor.

“Don’t you fucking say shit about her.” Jaehyun growls, still trying to keep himself grounded and avoid sending the guy to the hospital - mostly because he’s had a good look at his face.

“Jongmin?! Yo, what’s going on here?” Four other guys show up but Jaehyun’s already taking two steps towards the closest one and throws a hard punch on their jaw.

Everything after that was a blur. The next thing he knew his bodyguards are restraining his arms and pulling him up from the ground where one of the guys were groaning, nose bleeding profusely. Jaehyun blinks at him, eyes darting to the other bodies scattered around, writhing in pain and covered in bruises.

His bodyguards are asking him if he’s okay; if he needs to go to the hospital or be escorted home. Jaehyun’s body is both numb but also buzzing with adrenaline. Did he do this by himself?

“I’m okay. Take care of them. Pay them to shut up.” He drags his thumb on the corner of his mouth where he felt something wet, pulling away to see dark red smudged across his finger.

“You weren’t aware of your actions while you were performing them?” Dr. Jeon repeats, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge.

Jaehyun shakes his head, sipping from the tea he requested before starting the session. “Like I blacked out.”

Dr. Jeon hums once again, reading over what he had jotted down. “So like with what had happened to Mr. Iljung, you believe they deserved what had happened to them?”

“Yes.”

“And you were satisfied with it?”

“Of course.”

“Despite the injury your received?” Dr. Jeon gestures to his hand and Jaehyun dryly laughs at him.

“I didn’t get this from them.”

This was the last day of finals for everyone. This was the day Jaehyun can finally have her back in his arms. She should be done with her last exam already while he still had one more to take. Ten told him that everyone was going to celebrate at the mall, so Jaehyun said he’d catch up once he finishes his exam. But he couldn’t wait at all. He rarely flexes his wealth, but if it meant being with her again, he’d do it in an instant.

His professor wasn’t so keen about letting him take the exam 30 minutes earlier; but with the reasoning that it’s better than having him taken later on that would be more suspicious and a few thousand bills slipped in, he took the exam half an hour earlier than his classmates and finished just before any of them come inside the room.

He’s buzzing with excitement, fidgeting in his seat as he had a chauffeur drive him to the mall instead of hailing a cab to save time. She must be feeling the same way, waiting for him to come to her and end the stupid break.

But when he finds her enjoying herself, laughing boisterously and poking fun at Doyoung, he was… dismayed. He knows they go way back and is very aware of Doyoung’s sexual orientation, yet jealousy nipped at him. He sees her eyes fluttering over at him and for some reason, he dodges out of view when she looks away.

Jaehyun’s heart is racing. He knows there’s no reason for him to feel this way. Maybe it’s just excitement from being able to be with her. He goes to the men’s bathroom to collect his thoughts before returning to where she was.

When he sees her and the rest walking towards a fast food joint, he cheers himself up, mischievously creeping up behind her and Doyoung, who had his arm around her shoulders, with intentions to scare her, but then he hears:

“You’re lucky I love you-”

And something came over Jaehyun that just took control of his entire being.

He grabs Doyoung by his shoulder and punches him in the face strong enough to push him to the floor, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh? Keeping her warm for me?”

“Dude, what the hell?!” Doyoung scrambles onto his feet with Ten’s help.

He tries to step forward but [Y/N] blocks him, “Jae, what is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me? I finished my exam early and rushed here to see you, but I see him,” He juts his chin towards Doyoung, “With his arm around you.”

“What’s happening here?” A mall security guard approached your group.

“A misunderstanding, nothing we can’t handle ourselves. Sorry for the trouble.” She bows her head at him and grab Jaehyun’s arm. “Can we talk outside?”

He casts a glare at Doyoung before letting her pull him out. On the way to the exit, Jaehyun recognizes the group of boys he ‘talked’ to last week. They were laughing to themselves, only to abruptly stop when they see him and immediately bow their heads and steer clear from his path. Jaehyun could feel the power coursing through his veins at the sight.

[Y/N] spins around to face him once they were both in the parking lot, “Do you want to explain yourself for what you did back there?”

Jaehyun frowns at her; realizing the weight of his outburst, “He had his arm around you.”

“I - Jae! He is Doyoung. Kim Doyoung. My best friend since pre-school. My best friend who is asexual. You know that!”

“He can’t be asexual forever. For all we know, he’s already got a crush on you!”

She looks exasperated, “Why are you being jealous of him? He’s my best friend and will always just be my best friend.”

“He just said he loves you!”

“And I love him back, as in, platonically, which I think is what he meant!” She groans in frustration. “You’re being ridiculous!”

Jaehyun scowls at her. Can’t she see what the reason behind why he did that? “I’m being protective of my girlfriend!”

She purses her lips and stares him down, “Your girlfriend that you’re technically on a break with.”

“What?” His feels his body tense up. Finals are over, therefore the break is over, too.

“Maybe we should extend the break for a week or two.” She began to step back, but he follows.

“What?” Jaehyun repeats, eyes wide and full of worry, “Why?”

“Because, Jae,” He flinches at her tone, “I need time to get over what you just did inside to my best friend and you need time to contemplate over your actions and apologize to Doyoung.”

“(Y/N).” He whines. This can’t be happening.

“Jaehyun, please.” She crossed her arms over her chest, defensively, and this stops him in his tracks; dejectedly looking at her with pleading eyes, hoping it wavers her but she just shook her head with regret and turned away, walking to the mall front.

Jaehyun watches her, heart racing so fast and hard that he feels like he’s having a heart attack. She’s walking away from him. On her own volition. Angry. At him. He wants to be mad, too. Not at her. Not at Doyoung, but at himself. This isn’t how he’d imagine ending the break to be like. He thought he could take her out on a date, not extend the stupid thing one week longer all because he couldn’t stop himself.

There’s nothing he could do right now, except fix his mess with Doyoung. He had to let her cool off. He sees her get in a car that he presumes to be an Uber and now he feels twice as bad that he spoiled her celebration with her friends.

Jaehyun returns inside and finds Doyoung coming from the men’s bathroom. “Doyoung!”

Doyoung looks at him and immediately looks both annoyed and apprehensive as he walks up to him.

“Are you okay?”

“A little sore, but I’m not bleeding or feel like my nose is broken.”

Jaehyun sighs, “I’m really sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

Doyoung shifts his weight to one leg and crosses his arms, “It’s not a secret you’re obsessed with [Y/N], Jaehyun. I get that you’re possessive of her and all that, but you need to remember she’s my best friend. She’s practically a sister to me.”

“I know. I know.” He groans, massaging his temples. “I just really don’t know what came over. Look, you’re the only other guy I trust [Y/N] with. I’m more at ease when I know she’s out partying with you guys when you’re around - don’t tell Ten, I won’t hear the end of it.”

This makes Doyoung chuckle, “I feel the same way. I mean, you can get out of hand… but I think she’s safer with you than with anybody else.”

“That means a lot to me, Doyoung.” Jaehyun weakly smiles at him, “I’m really sorry again. I can take you to the hospital and pay for everything.”

“I swear, I’m okay. Let’s just have dinner with the rest.”

He shakes his head, “I’ll skip this time. [Y/N] went home already and I don’t feel good about upsetting her.”

He offers him a sympathetic smile, “Don’t stress about it. Let her cool down for a day or two and the whole thing will blow over sooner than you think.”

Jaehyun believed Doyoung, but it’s been three days and not a single peep from her. She was probably holding onto her word about extending the break for a whole, full week, but Jaehyun was at his wit’s end. He distracted himself by going to the gym, taking multiple jogs, or just simply locking himself up his room and waiting for some online activity from her.

He needed to do something.

After an afternoon run, Jaehyun picks up a cheap, old prepaid phone and returns home to shower. He pulls on a shirt and some ripped jeans, and sits on his bed while punching in her phone number on the old phone. He hesitates pressing the faded green phone icon button on the small device; he knows this is going to traumatize her. But what else can he do? He can’t just wait anymore.

He flips the phone close and tucks it into his pocket. Johnny isn’t sleeping here tonight, so Jaehyun doesn’t have to be worried about looking suspicious as he sneaks in and out of their dorm. Before he leaves, he grabs a hoodie and a mask.

It was past 8 when Jaehyun arrives at her dorm; it was dark already thanks to the sky being covered with thick clouds and the sidewalks barely illuminated by the street lamps. Her room had no light in it and Jaehyun finds it odd, but decides against walking up the emergency stairs. He takes the old phone out of his pocket and dials her number, putting the device to his ear.

It rings thrice before she picks up, her groggy voice told Jaehyun she was merely asleep. “Hello?”

Jaehyun wants to talk to her, but he keeps quiet; focusing on the background noise at her end. He hears the volume of the television soften and the distinct squeak of her couch as he assumes she was sitting up from it.

“Hello? Who is this?” She asks again, yet he still doesn’t say anything as he carefully walks up to the front of the dorm where the window of her living room was. He can make out her figure by the window; watching her walk away from it after she had hung up on him.

He’s hidden by tall shrubs as he tries to guess what she was doing inside. She didn’t open the living room lights, but the soft glow emanating from the window tells him she was in the kitchen. His own phone vibrates and he quickly checks it, seeing that she was online and liking posts and photos of their friends. He quietly monitors her activity until he sees her reacting to Taeyong’s photo.

Taeyong was his friend. He introduced them to each other and even he can’t deny how good looking the boy was. He’d normally let it pass, but she specifically used the ‘heart eyes’ react button and she only ever use that on his posts for her and never with anybody else. Jealousy is creeping back over him, momentarily disrupted by the distinct sound of Minkyung and Yebin talking loudly as they approach their dorm.

Jaehyun ducks down and waits for them to enter the building before he redials her number, pulling the hood of his jacket until it shadowed his face and putting his mask on to cover half of his face. He’s angry; he doesn’t mean to be, but it’s the only thing he can feel at the moment.

She sounded aggravated when she picked his call up, “Hello? Hello? This better not be a prank call.”

He wanted to laugh at how cute she was trying to be intimidating. He doesn’t try to hide his breathing this time, letting it barely fill the silence of his end of the call.

“Hello? Who is this?”

Jaehyun looks up and he sees her… staring at him.

Well, hello there.

He lets out a soft heave and ends the call when she starts screaming.

He quickly fleas the scene, especially hearing her roommates’ concerned shouts. As he runs away, he takes out the battery of the old phone and tosses it in the bushes when he was a good five blocks away. When he’s back at home, he’s experiencing a flurry of emotions; he’s worried about her, first and foremost, he had never heard her scream like that before. He also felt disgusted at himself for scaring her. He feels a bit antsy because what if someone had seen him? But among these, he doesn’t regret what he had done. It felt like the only way - to him, at least - for her to go back to him.

Jaehyun, like most nights, couldn’t sleep at all; but when he does, it only lasted three hours. He was fully awake by 10AM because he receives a text from Johnny asking if he wanted food. Doyoung had graciously called him thrice last night, but didn’t pick up to make it seem like he slept early and responded to his messages in faux panic when he woke up.

Johnny’s home by 11 and Jaehyun is waiting for her to text him on the couch.

“Flowers for you, good sir.” Johnny fakes an English accent as he hands the bouquet Jaehyun requested to him. “And a nice, warm continental breakfast for brunch.”

He helps him prepare their food on the coffee table, promising to pay him for the flowers.

“Hey, I heard from Ten about [Y/N]. Is she okay?” Johnny slides him the tupperware of pancakes.

“I don’t know. Doyoung says she is and her roommates are taking care of her.” Jaehyun lets out a sigh to convince Johnny how worried he was. “I wish I hadn’t slept early. I would have gone to her immediately if I knew what had happened.”

Johnny nods, “At least she wasn’t physically harmed.”

“I hope they find that fucker.” He hopes the fuck not.

After eating, Jaehyun excuses himself to get ready to visit her. In the privacy of his room, he starts to get excited. There’s a certain way he wishes the scenarios turns out. He likes to imagine that she’ll run up to him and realize how much safer she is with him. He’ll finally get to kiss her and she’ll let him take over -

Damn it.

He didn’t think he was that excited, but it’s nothing he can’t take care of. So he stands in front of her picture and takes care of himself, promising to himself that he’ll clean it up once he gets back from your place.

He’s in the shower afterwards, generously lathering himself and scrubbing away the sins he committed against her. He wants to be quick, but he also wants to take his time to prepare for her - because she would take all these extra steps for him when they would meet, why shouldn’t he do the same? He’s so excited to see her that he thinks he hears her calling out to him from his bedroom.

After he finally rinses off and dries his hair, he throws on a loose shirt and boxer shorts on. He leaves his towel over his head while he brushes his teeth and uses it to wipe his lips after spitting. As he exits his bathroom, he stops in his tracks.

Was he excited enough to hallucinate? But he was sure that was her, turned away from him in the middle of his room.

“[Y/N]?”

She gasps, spinning around to face him. He caught the briefest flash of fear in her eyes and he realizes that evidences of last night were present all around the room. He was ready to explain himself, but then she’s choking out a sob and running towards him.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He automatically wraps his arms around her, smoothing her hair down. “You’re okay. I’m here. You’re safe with me.”

He holds her tight, letting her cry out the remaining fear from the previous night; feeling just a tiny but guilty while placing kisses on her head and rubbing her back.

“Oh god,” She breathes in deeply, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” He pulls away, tilting her face towards him. “How are you? Did you get any sleep? If I found out any sooner, I would have gone over to you.”

She shakes her head, “I couldn’t sleep properly, even though Yebin and Minkyung stayed with me.”

Doyoung must haven’t told her he’s been updating him about how she was. “Have you eaten at least? Let me cook something for you to eat.”

“I-I… Don’t leave me here.”

Jaehyun offers her a soft smile, “No one’s going to hurt you while I’m around. But if you really don’t want to stay in my room, you can come with me to the kitchen.”

He leads her to the kitchen by the hand, running his thumb over her knuckles. He makes small talk with her to get her mind off about last night, listening intently at her response while he fries some eggs and slices of pork. It didn’t take too long for him to serve it to her with some reheated rice from last night.

“Eat up, baby girl.”

“Baby girl?” She smirks, “Should I call you daddy, then?”

Jaehyun laughs, feeling his cheeks warm up. “Be careful what you wish for.” He whispers into her ear, trying to sound seductive but ends up chuckling.

He watches her eat and from time to time, letting her feed him some. His mind is daydreaming all of a sudden; this is what he wants to see in the future: feeding her meals in her shared home, keeping her safe and happy, being hers and vice versa.

“What are your plans after graduation?” He asks out of the blue.

“My plans?” She repeats after swallowing.

He nods, waiting for her to answer.

“Get a job?” She shrugs, “I haven’t thought about that at all, actually.”

“How about moving into a new apartment?”

She pauses for a moment, “I don’t know if I can afford it, but my contract for my apartment right now ends two months after graduation so I should probably look into it.”

“Well,” Jaehyun massages his nape and avoids her gaze; he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly nervous about asking, “My parents graduation gift for me is my own apartment room in downtown Seoul. I was wondering if, you know, you’d want to move in with me.”

She stares at him and he stares back, waiting. “Will your parents be okay with that? I mean, I thought you and Johnny would still be sharing an apartment.”

“He and Ten have their own plans, besides, I’m not sharing a bed with Johnny.” That makes her giggle and he lets out a short chuckle of his own, “And about my parents… they love you like their own daughter. They wouldn’t mind. I’m willing to bet they’re hoping for grandchildren in two years.”

“Woah there, big boy.” She laughs, “How about we take baby steps instead of hoping of seeing our baby take their first ones, huh?”

“Tell that to my parents.” He grumbles like a child and sees her reaching up to pinch his cheeks. His parents have always been vocal about wanting her to be the mother of their grandchildren; if only he knew how much he wishes that, too.

“Anyways, I’d love to.”

He blinks at her, breaking out of his reverie “Hm?”

“I’d love to move in with you.”

It takes a second for Jaehyun to grin at your answer and he swears it’s stretching his cheeks out too much that it almost hurts, “Really?”

She giggles at his reaction, biting down on her lower lip while she nods. “Yes, really.”

He pulls her in for multiple kisses, making her laugh in between each one. He kisses her longer and he could feel her body reacting to him already. His tongue grazes her lips and she instantly grants him access into her mouth, moaning at the sensation of his tongue sliding against hers.

His hands snake onto her thighs, roughly massaging them before pulling her tightly against his body. She clings onto him; mouths undetached as he hauls her up and takes her back to the bedroom.

Jaehyun sets her down on his bed with utmost care like she was a one of a kind piece of fine china. He pulls away from the kiss, leaving a string of saliva between their lips before it snaps as he straightened himself to remove his shirt.

He’s been waiting for this for too long.

“Oh, god.” She groans, “I can’t believe I lasted 4 months.” She palms him over his boxers with one hand while the other travelled upwards, fingers dancing across the expanse of the hard muscles of his abdomen and chest. Before she can slip her hands into his shorts, he grabs both of her wrists.

“I still owe you a destresser.” Jaehyun reminds her with a matching smirk.

She lets him undress her, his eyes darting to every newly exposed skin and dropping each of clothing articles on the floor by his feet. When she’s finally stripped off of all her clothes and underwear, he gently pushes her back until she’s lying on the bed. With a light tap on her thighs, her legs part to make room for him and it pleases him so much at how receptive she is to him.

He removes his boxers and kneels on the bed, stroking himself as he eyes her pussy. He leans down and kisses her, “I’m going to show you how much I missed you.”

“Don’t hold back.” She challenged and he playfully scoffs at her.

“When have I ever held back?”

Before she could answer, Jaehyun dips a finger into her core. A shaky sigh escapes her as he languidly moves his finger around, feeling her inner walls and how wet she was.

“Show me how much you missed me first.” He quietly says, almost begging, “Use my hand.”

She was whimpering softly while she covered his hand with her own, grinding her clit into his palm. Her fingers tapped onto his middle finger and he understood what she wanted, inserting it along with his pointer finger. He dragged them against her inner walls that caused her to softly moan.

God, she was so hot.

She lifted her hips up, hoping to get some more leverage but he flexes his middle finger and it brushes against something spongy inside her, making her gasp and dropping her weight back down to the bed.

‘Don’t worry, baby,’ Jaehyun thinks, ‘I’ll take care of you.’

With no warning, he pumps his fingers into her, curling them inside before pulling out. He knows how much she loves that and he can feel her body already starting to convulse. He continued his actions, going harder and faster, ignoring the signs of her oncoming orgasm.

She lets out a cry, grabbing onto his wrist with both hands as her body violently shook.

Not wasting any time, Jaehyun takes whatever essence of her climax his fingers collected and smears it over his cock, giving it a few more pumps before he slides it in her.

Her moan may or may not have been too loud for the neighbors to hear, but he didn’t give a fuck. His baby wants to be loud because of him and only him, then let them send noise complaints. Despite being sensitive and still high from her orgasm, he watches her trying to spread her thighs further for him.

Her pussy is sucking him in as he bottoms out in her and it’s driving him crazy.

“Oh, fuck, you’re so tight. You feel amazing.” He mumbles before he begins to thrust, slow and deep. He leans over and kisses her neck, alternating between sucking and licking every patch of skin he can get his mouth on.

“I’m going to mark you so other guys wouldn’t think twice about hitting on you, okay?” He thrusts a little too hard to punctuate his question and she groans in response.

“Yes, yes,” She gasps, her hands finding purchase on his shoulders. “I’m yours.”

He lets out an animalistic growl he didn’t know he could make, hips moving more erratically with her words. “Say that again.”

“I’m yours.” She chants, almost like a prayer.

With every repetition of her invocation, Jaehyun snaps his hips into her, gaining more speed and power. She’s all he’s ever wanted and here she is offering herself to him, willingly admitting herself to him. It’s enough to make him cum but he holds out for her.

Her body thrashed against him as he gave her a second orgasm for the night. He helps her ride it out, keeping her hips still as he shallowly pushed into Her. She clenched around him and he moans at the sensation.

“Shit, that feels so good, baby.” He rasps, throwing his head back. Too good.

“Won’t you come?” She asked with a pout.

If she only knew the power she held on him; he could explode any second now.

Miraculously, he somehow controls himself as he slows his thrusts and studies the state of her body; still shivering from her high, how his kisses on her neck have bloomed into a bouquet of purple flowers, how her breasts rose with every haggard breath. He takes one into his hand, softly palming it. “I’m getting there.”

“Is there anything you want me to do?” Her pouty lips were so tempting that it gave him an idea.

He pulls out all of a sudden and crawls until his knees are on either side of her chest. “Open up.”

Obediently, she parts her lips and sticks her tongue out a little.

He groans; she looked so innocent but lewd at the same time. Taking his cock into his hand and pumping as fast as he can, he places the tip on her tongue when beads of pre-cum ooze out.

She licks it up immediately, as if to coax him to ejaculate by running her tongue on the underside of his cock’s head.

Jaehyun is hissing out curses one after the other as he finally found the final push he needed to come. White, hot liquid shoots into her mouth and amidst of her swallowing it, the remaining cum splashes onto her cupid’s bow, cheek, and chin. He cries out in anguish when she pushes herself up to suck him dry with hollowed cheeks. As she falls back to bed, one last spurt escapes him and hits her brow.

Seeing it dribble down her eyelid, he uses his thumb to swipe it off. He tried to clean it on his sheets, but she grabs hold of his wrist and guides it to her mouth, collecting the salty substance with her tongue.

“Jesus christ, [Y/N].” Jaehyun exhales, feeling his cock twitch at the salacious scene and how her tongue swirled around his finger.

“I just missed how you tasted.” She giggles, kissing his thumb. “Still delicious.”

He combs her sweat-slicked hair and chuckles, “Well, I’m sure you taste sweeter.”

She juts out her lower lip at him, feigning innocence, “How would you know? You haven’t tasted me in months.”

“Oh?” His eyes glaze over once again, “Is that a challenge?”

“Baby,” She cooed, “It’s an invitation.”

She’s going to be the death of him, he thinks as he smirks at her. “Don’t mind if I do, then.” He trails a kiss from between her breasts down to her navel. His tongue licks her clit, lightly lapping up her juices as he moves lower. He hears her moan and feels her body reacting; encouraging him to keep going. He uses a hand to spread her lips apart and probes her entrance in slow, sensual figures of eights with his tongue.

But then he realizes that she had stopped responding to his actions, so he pulls away and looks at her. She was staring off to the side and his gaze follows hers and once he spots what had grabbed her attention, he hovers above her and places a hand on either side of her head.

“Look at me.” He commands.

“You couldn’t have…” She murmurs, looking back at you with concerned eyes.

There’s no way out of this. There’s clearly blood on that bat he keeps forgetting to dispose of. He had to explain himself.

“He touched you.” He simply states, devoid of any emotion.

“Jaehyun!” She reprimands, but he cuts her off.

“He disrespected you, [Y/N]. I wasn’t going to let that pass by!”

“How did you even know I was the bar? Were you following me?”

“I wanted to make sure you were safe!”

She pushes him off, scooting off the bed and picking out her clothes from the floor. “Well, I was! Yebin and Minkyung were there with me. We left before he could do anything else. You didn’t have to beat him up with a bat! Jesus christ! Jae! You’re wanted by campus police.”

“He got what he deserved, [Y/N].” He coolly shrugs his shoulders, grabbing his boxers and slipping them on while watching her dress.

“And what about those guys from the pool?” She suddenly looks back at him, accusingly.

“I only meant to go after the one who couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” Jaehyun admits, “But his friends came looking for him, so I had to deal with them as well.”

“You took them by your--” She shuts her eyes in frustration and disbelief.

‘Trust me, love, I didn’t think I could do it by myself’ He inwardly scoffs, staring at her intently, ‘But I did, for you.’

Suddenly, she’s staring at him with an unreadable expression. Her gaze shifts to his study table where he left his mask and burner phone on. “...w-were you the guy last night?”

Just admit it all, Jung.

“Yes. I was outside your window, too, when you masturbated.”

She gapes at him with horrified astonishment, crying, “Why?! You scared me shitless!”

“That was the point.” He almost rolled his eyes at her.

Her jaw drops, unable to formulate a proper response, nevertheless, he continues to explain himself.

“I had to scare you back to me.”

“What?!”

“I was losing you.” His voice finally breaks from the monotony and raises an octave higher. “You asked for an extension when I was at my limit. I missed you!”

“I was mad! You punched my best friend, Jaehyun! I had the right to be! And it didn't mean you were losing me. I just needed time to cool down!” She pinched the bridge of her nose. Never, in the four years, they have spent together did they argue like this. “I can’t do this.”

Jaehyun’s ears start to ring at her words.

She tries to leave but he blocks her path.

“Can’t do what?” His voice had dropped, glaring her down.

She’s visibly taken aback from his demeanor, hindering her to respond to him, so he asks again in a raised voice.

“Can’t do what, [Y/N]?!”

“Let me go, Jae. I need to go.”

“Go where? Who are you running off to, huh? Doyoung? Taeyong?”

“Why are you dragging Taeyong into this?”

Jaehyun scowls, “I saw you giving his picture a heart eyes react.”

“Oh my god!” She shouts, “Do you hear yourself right now? So I liked his new photo because I thought his new hairstyle looked good. He’s our friend, remember? Jaehyun, please, let me leave.”

“And what? Extend our break even more? I don’t think so.” He reaches for her hand, but she avoids him. “[Y/N].”

“You’re honestly scaring me right now.” She backs away until she’s pressed up against the wall. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I love you, [Y/N],” He steps forward, doing his very best to control himself at the moment, “Everything I do is for you. I have to protect you. If you could only see how other guys look at you, how they would undress you with their eyes - I, I can’t let them disrespect you like that. They need to know that you’re mine and I’m yours.”

“And if you really, really do love me, Jae,” Her eyes begin to tear up, “You would let me leave.”

What? Leave?

“No. W-why?” His eyebrows scrunched up in frustration “Do you want to break up?”

She’s stumbling over her words, “I’m really scared right now, Jaehyun. Just please give me time to think--”

“Answer me!” He yelled, making her flinch in her spot. The last thread that kept him sane had snapped. He traps her against the wall, “Are you thinking about breaking up with me?”

“I don’t feel safe with you right now.” She breathes.

Her words were barely audible but they rang like sirens in Jaehyun’s ears. His head keeps repeating it over and over again: she’s not safe with you.

His vision bleeds red and he already knows what’s going to happen so he steps away from her, his subconsciousness reminding him to keep her out of harm’s way. He needed to hit something and it definitely won’t be her. His eyes get wet and blurry as they searched around the room for something, and they fell on the full length mirror attached to the bathroom door. Huffing, he takes two large steps towards it and swings as hard as he can.

He thinks he hears her screams as his fist connected to the mirror, creating a large, cracked web onto it. He lets the pain throb from his knuckles, before he repeatedly punches the mirror, over and over again; smashing chunks of the glass and sending them crashing to the floor.

“Jae, stop!” He thinks she yelled that to him, but he’s unsure. He just wants to let it out.

But he feels her grabbing his arms and stopping him, “Jaehyun!”

“Go away! I don’t want to hurt you,” He spares her a tormented glance. His cheeks feel wet; he didn’t even know he was crying. “I can’t hurt you, so let me--”

He attempts to throw another punch, but she holds him back.

Both of them struggled with one another, until he nudges her away and faces her, “You hate me!” He cries.

She shakes her head in denial, but he doesn’t believe you so repeats himself.

“You hate me.”

“I never said that.” She squeaked, staring into his eyes.

“You wanted to break up.” Jaehyun grabs a fistful of his hair, shutting his eyes as tightly as he can. The voices in his head chanted his words back at him.

“I never said that, either.” He hears her whisper.

He feels you touch his face and he flinches away it at first, snapping his eyes wide open like an injured beast being cornered, but the way she looked at him made him drop his defenses.

“I’m sorry.” He chokes out, sobbing like a little boy. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

He repeats his apology over and over until he feels her pull him down, letting his head rest on the crook of her neck. “I can’t lose you, [Y/N]. I can’t. I just wanted to protect you.”

“You’re not gonna lose me and you won’t.” She runs one of her hands down his back while the other combed through his hair.

He pulls away, tears still flowing down his cheeks, “You’re not leaving me?”

She searches for something in his eyes, before slowly cocking her head and offering him an unsure smile as he lightheartedly points out: “I mean, I have to go home sooner or later. But I can spend the night if you want to.”

“I want you to.” He mumbles and she smiles up at him.

“Then I’ll stay the night.” She pulls him down until his forehead was touching hers. Playing with the short hairs on his nape, she whispers onto his lips, “I love you.”

He’s unsure if he should believe her, but casts his doubt away. He smiles back at her, “I love you, too.”

“Let’s get your hand cleaned up and wrapped, okay?” She kisses his cheek and leads him out the room, careful not to step on any glass shards.

As she knelt in front of him, trying not to vomit at the sight of his broken and bloody hand while fishing out the little shards of glass with a pair of tweezers, Jaehyun’s finally coming into terms the gravity of his condition.

Maybe she truly was unsafe with him; but why didn’t she run away when he had given her the chance to? He had given her a glimpse of the monster inside him, yet instead of fleeing, she stays to tame and satiate him. An immense of wave of love overcomes him; there’s absolutely no doubt in his mind that he wants her and only her for the rest of his life.

Jaehyun jerks his hand back when she attempts to remove some chunks of glass shards embedded too deep onto his knuckles with tweezers. “Ow!”

“You were literally punching the mirror 30 minutes ago! Give me your hand!” She hisses, pulling his hand back and resting it on top of the blood-stained towel on his lap.

He winced every now and then, biting his tongue when it had hurt a tad too much for him to handle.

“I think I got them all out.” She says after a while, inspecting it under the torchlight of her phone, “Uh, yeah, okay. Go wash it with warm water and come back here.”

Jaehyun quietly obeys, standing up from his seat and taking the bowl of glass shards with him.

After doing what he’s been told, he disposes of the glass shards and bloody towel. Returning to his seat, he dries his hand with a new towel.

She tends to his wound once more, dabbing it with disinfectant. “Jae, we need to talk about what happened.”

“I know.” He solemnly whispers; he had hoped this could easily blow over without the need to discuss it, but he doubts you would ever forget what had happened. “I’m… not okay.”

She patiently waits for him to continue, showing him she’s confused by his statement; looking up at him briefly before taking a roll of gauze to wrap his hand with.

“I…” He licks his lips, “I’m diagnosed with this mental disorder…”

“And how is your relationship now after you told her about your disorder?”

Jaehyun glances down at his injury; she had rebandaged it again for him today, even though he could have had a professional do it. It was a simple act of love for him. “Like it never happened.”

“Oh, then she understands then? That’s good-”

“But,” Jaehyun sits up, hunching forward and resting his forearms on his thighs to support his weight, his fingers just loosely woven together in front of him. He blankly stares at the small altar his doctor had in his office. He was a very religious man, but he oddly never pushed religion onto him during their sessions. “She seems more… careful.”

“I see.” Dr. Jeon massages his chin, “I would say it’s normal. She’s still processing it; she’ll eventually understand.”

“But when she understands, will she stay?”

His doctor frowns at him, “I can’t answer for Ms. [Y/N], Jaehyun. I personally believe you should just tell her everything; you’re founding your relationship on-”

“Lies?” He finishes for him, “I don’t like that word. Let’s call it… an altered fact. She’ll leave me if she finds out. I can tell her more details about my disorder, but anything more? I just know… she’ll leave me.”

“What makes you think-”

Jaehyun cuts him off with a leer and curt laugh, “I know she will, doctor. Don’t pretend she won’t. You know what I’ve done; how I spent years devoting myself to her like how you are with your God. You know how I felt alone and empty growing up; but then I met her; and I felt something beyond my comprehension. Like how Moses discovered the burning bush on Mount Sinai or how a dove brought back an olive branch to Noah. She had single-handedly completed me and now she’s mine. She said it herself; my goddess claimed herself to be mine. It’s only right and just I protect her in return. Isn’t that what you do? When someone disrespects your God, don’t you defend him?”

Dr. Jeon wearily watches him, but it’s nothing he hasn’t heard or seen before. Maybe that’s why he’s tempted to press one of the many panic buttons hidden around the room as discreet as he can. He knows he’ll regret it if he does it again - the Jungs can be quite unforgiving when they’re falsely accused of becoming a threat. It was paranoia and panic that pushed the button last time that brought in heavy set personnel to escort Jaehyun out with a nurse armed with a tranquilizer just in case. Jaehyun’s father was not pleased, almost threatening to terminate their exclusive contract. However, the young man in front of him wasn’t the same person that entered half an hour ago.

“I am going to do everything in my power to keep it that way - to keep her mine - and nothing,” Jaehyun stresses, “Nothing is going to stop me.”

“And if anybody gets in the way,” he clenches both his fists so tightly that blood starts to emerge from his bandages. Dr. Jeon reaches out to stop him, but Jaehyun separates his hands and stares at his palms, “I’ll kill them with my bare hands.”

a/n: yes the Jung’s therapist is SVT Wonwoo’s brother lol also i purposefully left out Jaehyun’s actual disorder out so I can discuss it in later chapters of Devoted 2 (during that joint therapy session) I’m sorry if it got a little too dark, but I promise the plot is better like this.

I hope you guys liked this! uwu

#nct smut #nct scenarios #jaehyun smut #jaehyun scenarios

890 notes · View notes

whereisten · 5 years ago

Text

The Agreement

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Summary: Vampire!Sicheng needs a new toy and he just so happens to find you, a struggling college student that would literally give up a few drops of blood for some quick cash. An agreement is reached, you are told that you are strictly forbidden from falling in love. You are to only show up, give blood, get money. Seems pretty easy, right?

Pairing: Vampire!Sicheng X female reader

Genre: (emboldened words signify what this specific part has): angst, smut (nothing intense, mostly suggestive), fluff, violence (very brief)

Chapter Warnings: some cursing, alcohol mention

Word Count: 5.8K

(A/n: Frat Boy!Jaehyun returns! This is the same Jaehyun and y/n from It Only Takes One Night, you can read that one first to get a little back story, but they broke up and now he’s back, hopefully this makes sense)

——————————

Bella watches as you separate the M&M’s in your ice cream sundae by color. You frowned and pushed the red to the left and the blue to the right.

“Okay..so do you wanna talk about it?” Bella sighs.

“What happened with you and your boss?”

It’s been several weeks since you’ve seen Sicheng. That night paused your daily visits because he claimed that you’d be drawn to him and it wouldn’t be healthy.

“Nothing..” you held your head in your hand and looked at the melting ice cream. It reminded you of your heart and body, melting and without proper form. You not only missed Sicheng, you yearned for him.

Your body didn’t function properly and your mind couldn’t focus on anything for more than four seconds.

“You didn’t even say anything in Edwards’ class when he called on you today and you know participation is like fifty percent of our grade...” Bella tapped the table in the ice cream parlor, Scoups Ahoy. She was slightly annoyed at how short and off you were being.

You couldn’t explain it to her, there’s no way she’d understand. And even if she did, the first thing she’d do is go after Sicheng and scold him for doing this to you in the first place.

“It’s..nothing Bella, I promise. I—just have a lot on my mind.” You looked up and gave a small smile.

“So you’re taking a break from your job..I think that’ll be good for you..I mean, it’s good money, but you should focus on school first.” Bella gave you the motherly talk like she always did. And while on most occasions, it did help to ease your anxiety, it didn’t on this one.

But you had to pretend.

“Thank you, Bella.”

Bella nodded then started to talk about how cute the ice cream guy was and then she started to talk about a new basketball player she had a crush on.

Your mind started to drift again. You saw Sicheng’s beautiful, dopey smile, the way his mouth moved when his deep voice left his soft lips, the way his eyes creased when he laughed. You missed the feeling of his soft, cold fingers against your skin when he inserted the needle. His scent, the smell of sandalwood, just strong and prevalent enough that it filled his house. Oh, and his cute, elf-shaped ears, and—

“Hey! Over here! I’m talking to you!” Bella waved a hand in your face, you didn’t notice that you started smiling as you thought about Sicheng.

“Oh. I’m so sorry, I’m kinda tired..”

Bella crosses her arms. “You slept for most of the day”

“You have a point, but I promise I was listening!” You sat up straight.

“Oh really? What’s his name?” Bella asked.

“His name’s Sicheng and he’s super cute and nice..” you melted in your seat and put your chin in your hand. But you looked up to see Bella’s look of disappointment.

“...oh, wait, you meant the name of the uhh basketball player or the ice cream guy?” You closed your eyes and prayed that Bella would let you live just this once.

“Huh...so that’s what’s going on..you’ve fallen for your boss? Really, y/n!” Bella gasped.

You sighed. Oh no.

“No, no..I haven’t..fallen for anyone since you-know-who, it’ll stay that way for a while.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Hmmm..sure.”

“I wanna go home, I should—study.”

But you didn’t need to study, you needed to see Sicheng. You craved him.

—————

It was the next day when you decided to see Sicheng for the first time in three weeks. You couldn’t take it anymore, you had to see him. You would’ve gone to him the night before, but you knew Bella would’ve asked too many questions, so you waited until today.

She went to her class while you decided to skip yours and take an Uber to him.

You’re nervous and fidgety as you wait for Sicheng to open the door, but when he finally does you nearly jump out of your skin.

Sicheng looks even more radiant than usual. His eyes are deep and sensual, his button down shirt reveals his chest and his dress pants hug his waist nicely. He’s such a gentleman, you forgot that sometimes he felt more comfortable dressed this way, even when inside his own home. And God, does he smell good.

why did he look so good? did he find someone to replace you already? You became jealous at the thought that Sicheng would have someone else over to feed him, but you weren’t sure why. He had to survive with or without you.

You want to hug him and hold him, to feel his hands on your body, but you can’t. You stand there stupidly.

“I—uh—Sicheng,” you took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry...but my chest is on fire..I had to see you.”

Sicheng parts his full lips and looks at you sadly. He wished you hadn’t come back, he wished to never see your beautiful face again. “I know..”

From the moment Sicheng opens the door, he can already tell from the expression on your face what you need him to do, but as much as he’d love to do it, he can’t hurt you like that. Giving in will only make the addiction worse.

“Sicheng, I need you, I’ve tried to stay away but I can’t.” You begged but he shook his head.

“Y/n...I told you we can’t. It’s not gonna get better...it’ll only get worse.” He searches your tired eyes. You look weak and dull, the bags under your eyes told him you were really having a difficult time. He wants to hold you, but he doesn’t.

He knows he can’t just leave you outside or alone. You could find someone else, someone like Ben to satisfy your craving for the feeling, and he knows that they’d gladly do it too.

He closed his eyes and sighed. “Okay..come inside.”

You smiled and happily walk in, taking your usual seat while Sicheng walks behind you.

He hooks up the machine that takes out your blood.

Your head falls back as you focus on the feeling of your warm blood leaving your veins and entering the blood bag. It feels good, not as good as Sicheng, but the feeling is enough to satisfy your longing for a bit.

“The only thing we can do is go back to our regular schedule, that way, you’ll get used to giving your blood this way alone.” Sicheng’s tone is very serious as he sits down on the couch across from you.

He can’t help but think about the other lives he’s ruined by growing too attached to them. He only hopes to help you, and not hurt you in the end.

He knows he should’ve never made direct contact with you, for you both start to feel a craving for each other.

You frown and look at the floor after Sicheng doesn’t turn on the TV like he usually does and doesn’t talk to you.

“How have you been?” You ask, trying to break the silence.

“Good.” Sicheng says through a tight mouth.

“Why don’t you play your favorite Twilight Zone episode?”

“It’s alright.” Sicheng got up from the couch and walked upstairs.

You wondered what did you do wrong. It seemed like he couldn’t stand to be around you. Did he dislike you now?

It’s during your third visit since you’ve started again that Sicheng starts to act normal.

He watched the Adams Family with you and you two laugh together.

He still gets sad when he looks at you, but he is happy to see that you are already feeling better.

“I’m doing better in class Sicheng, thank you.” You smile at him while he sits on the couch in a T-shirt and pajama pants. He looks very relaxed for once.

He doesn’t say you’re welcome because you should’ve never started doing poorly because of him in the first place.

He nods and smiles softly,making your chest go wild with butterflies when he looks your way.

Over time, the bond between you two strengthens each day you go over. You start to spend more time at his place, eating whatever he cooks and listening to his stories even after you’ve given him the lood he needs.

“How many guests do you cook for? This baked potato is the BOMB.”

Sicheng blushed. “You think so?”

“Yeah! It’s almost as good as my mom’s cooking! You have to try it one day!—oh..I’m sorry.” You paused when you realized your mistake.

Sicheng only laughed. “It’s okay, dear.”

You sighed and put your plate down. “I’m very excited for winter break, I finally get to go home and see her, I miss her..a lot you know.”

Sicheng looked to the TV and frowned. “You should tell her you love her and visit her often. Life..goes by quickly.”

“I will, and thanks to you, I can actually send her gifts and give her everything she deserves.” You grinned. You thought of how happy your mom was now that you made more money and are able to completely support yourself. She didn’t have to be so stressed all the time and you were thankful for that.

He smiled “good.”

“And to answer your question, you’re my only guest so I have to make sure I get these meals right.”

—————

Sicheng starts to get used to you asking many questions about his life.

“The vampires won the war for Americans but they’ll never teach you that at your fancy college.” Sicheng told you about World War II while watching you eat the chicken Alfredo he made. He was quite a good chef for a guy that thought all food tasted like pig lard. He always seemed to know the right amount of seasoning and salt to put into his food.

“Why didn’t you guys claim the victory? Why do you hide?” You swallowed hard and waved your fork.

Sicheng laughed at your stuffed cheeks. He thought you were so cute, especially when you innocently asked questions.

“We feel it is best to be in the shadows, for humans have a tendency to ruthlessly kill what they don’t understand and/or control. We could easily overrule you, but you’re also our main food source.”

You raised your brows, “well, you do have a point.”

The next visit, you watched Alfred Hitchcock’s movie Veritgo and laughed at the strange angles and overly dramatic turns and gasps.

“This movie was quite the game changer back in my day, and here we are, laughing at it.” Sicheng turned to you, watching your eyes focus on the screen.

He felt something in his chest as he watched you. You were innocent, kind, and beautiful, unlike any other actress he’d ever seen.

“‘Back in my day’ yeah okay, old man.” You tease him, and poke his side while you both laugh. You didn’t notice that as you had more visits, you started to get closer and closer physically to each other on the couch.

His icy body cools down your heated one. You still crave his touch and the feeling of him draining you, but it’s not even remotely as strong as it was before.

You were happy to just be with him again, and without much thought, you blurt out a question you probably shouldn’t have asked your “boss.”

“So, remember when I said I couldn’t wait to go home for the holidays?”

“Yes.” Sicheng turned to you and looked at your lips. They were so close to his, he got distracted for a moment but quickly looked up to your eyes.

“So..my mom’s...uh having this...Christmas dinner..it’ll just be the two of us, but..I” You looked to the art on the wall behind Sicheng to distract yourself, but his gaze was too strong, you had to look back at him.

You pushed yourself up on the couch more, folding your legs under your butt.

“..I was wondering if you’d like to come over..I mean since you’ll be alone, you know.. and my mom is really sweet and I told her about you..she wants to meet you..and...and you wouldn’t have to spend Christmas alone..”

Sicheng wanted to say yes, he had spent so many Christmas’ alone, he wanted to have an experience with a family for once. And he wanted to meet your mom, whom he was sure was just as adorable and kind as you were, but he knew he shouldn’t.

He frowned as he came to the realization that you saw this more than a boss and worker relationship. You saw this as something more and he did too. You two were getting too close and he felt he had to stop it.

“No, y/n, I’m sorry but I don’t think it would be appropriate.”

Sicheng looked away from your sad face and to the TV.

“We should keep our relationship professional.”

You scooted away a bit and nodded, trying to hide the pain you felt from his abrupt answer and unusually cold tone. “You’re absolutely right, I’m sorry...well..I should get going.”

Sicheng is devastated by your somber tone and almost immediately hates himself for making you upset, but it had to be done. He wanted to protect you.

As you were about to leave, Sicheng turned you to face him. He lowered his face towards yours and looked into your eyes deeply.

“When will you be back?” Sicheng asked, eyes glued to your lips.

“In January...I’ll call you.” You were distracted by his full lips just inches away from yours. You were still hurt that he said no, but being this close to him made you weak. There was something so magnetizing about him.

Your large eyes looked up to him, waiting for him to close the gap.

He nodded and forced himself to pull back and away from you.

He smiled as he watched you walk briskly to your building to avoid the sharp breeze and cold temperature he was so accustomed to.

But the ache he felt in his chest as he watched you leave worried him. Perhaps things have already gone too far.

—————

You jump into your mom’s arms when you open the door to your house. You’ve finally made it back him for Christmas, and you are beyond excited to spend time with her.

“Oh, my baby!! I’m so happy you’re home! But—look at you, are you eating well? Are you sleeping?” Your mom’s worried face move closer to yours as she pinches your cheeks.

She’s looking at every wrinkle and every pore to make sure you’re okay.

You had to admit, you did look kind of tired since you had been giving blood three days out of the week.

“Yeah, Yeah, I’m fine mom! It smells so good in here!” You hug her tightly and walk in.

The two of you talk about school and work. She starts to ask about the enormous cash flow you’ve gained, so you try not to give too much information away.

“So..this job, what kinda boss has you go to his house?” Your mom asks as she puts the green bean casserole in the oven.

You lean against the door frame and look at the apple you’re munching on. “Well..I kinda have to go into his house if I’m getting paid to clean it, mom.”

You told her that you just had to clean the house of a bachelor who had parties and guests over frequently. You had to be there three days out of the week because the place would get too messy after every party. But this was far from the truth. You hated having to lie to her, but telling her that your boss was actually a sugar daddy that needed blood and not sex wasn’t really an option.

“Oh, but honey are your sure it isn’t tiring? How do you have time to study and eat?”

She turns to start washing some dishes.

“It’s alright. I’m managing everything pretty well, actually!” You said with a full mouth. She gave you a look and you laughed before swallowing.

“Sorry..”

Then you heard a knock on your door.

“Who’s that? Do they really send Jehovah witnesses out on Christmas Day now?” You asked.

“Oh no..that must be..” your mom hesitated.

You looked at her questioningly.

“Um..sweetie, I hope you don’t mind that I invited Jaehyun over for dinner.”

“You WHAT?” You nearly bit your tongue when his name left her mouth.

Jaehyun was your ex-boyfriend, the you-know-who that you decided to never talk about. He hurt you, so you broke up with him a year ago. The pain was still fresh, but your mom didn’t know that part. You decided not to tell her why you and Jaehyun broke up so she didn’t understand the magnitude of it all.

She always loved Jaehyun and found him to be adorable and sweet. She loved it when you took him home and the three of you spent time together. She thought he was perfect for you and that you’d eventually get married some day, but she was wrong. The dimpled and irresistible boy wasn’t as sweet as he seemed.

Your mom quickly dried her hands and walked towards you. “You know, he has no one to spend it with since his father passed away in March and his mom went back home to Korea. It’ll be his first Christmas without a family and—I just couldn’t bare to leave him on his own for today.”

“Mom! You know how I feel about him! How could you invite him without asking me first?” Furious was an understatement. You knew your mom just wanted to be nice and she thought you ended things on good terms, but she was wrong. She always had a good heart and wanted to do what was right, but why did it have to be at your expense?

“Honey..I’m sorry, but it won’t be that bad..it’s only for a few hours, okay?” She brushed past you to get to the front door.

“Are you sure he’s not your ex?!”

You rolled your eyes, but she waved a hand to you before unlocking the door.

“Oh, hello!! Jaehyun, it’s so nice to see you.” Your mom hugged the grim reaper with a killer smile tightly as he stood in your door way. You watched from far away. Part of you wanted to drop kick him back outside and into the cold, the other part wanted to cry. You avoided him on campus successfully and now, here he was in your house, hugging your mom who was just too nice sometimes.

He smiled and handed your mother a large and neatly wrapped box.

“Thank you for having me, I’m..very grateful.” His smiled made your mom blush as she took the gift and placed it under the tree.

He took his coat off and placed it on a hook by door before walking towards you. He stopped before going to hug you. “Y/n..it’s nice to see you again.” he said smoothly.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms. “I can’t say the same, but it’s Christmas, so welcome to my house.” You gave a sarcastic smile.

He chuckled and looked down at you fondly. “Nothing about you has changed..”

“I’m not the one that needs to change, Jaehyun.”

“You’re right, but I did miss you.” Jaehyun’s eyes grew as he searched your face and stepped closer.

You waved your hand. “Don’t...you’re having dinner with us, and you’re leaving.” You whispered so your mom wouldn’t hear.

“We’re never speaking again after tonight.”

Jaehyun gave a small smile and nodded. “As you wish, princess.” Your mom cut around the corner and hurriedly walked to the kitchen. “Everything is almost ready!” “What can I help you with?” Jaehyun asked your mom, still engaging in your stare down. “Oh, nothing really, honey, I just have to mash the potatoes.” Your mom yelled out from the kitchen. “Oh great! I’ll put these strong arms to good use!” Jaehyun smirked and walked past you while rolling up his sleeves. Your mom and Jaehyun laughed and conversed in the kitchen while you sat on your couch, staring through the window. It was difficult to not think about Sicheng and how badly you missed him. You wondered what he was doing, if he was spending time with anyone else. You wanted to text him, but the old man rarely had his cell phone on him. You opened the text box to wish him a merry Christmas but remembered the look on his face when you said goodbye. He looked upset, nervous. You both knew that you were getting close and the boss-worker relationship without emotional investment that you tried to maintain was failing. All the glances, the smiles, the soft touches and unnecessary closeness of your bodies told you that there was something more. But you couldn’t break his rule. You signed an agreement, however, your heart couldn’t stop itself. You sighed. You knew you would just have to deal with the consequences of your easy heart feeling stupid things again. That’s when you notice a car pull into your drive way. You sat up on the couch and wondered who else was here for dinner, your fourth grade crush maybe? The car was nice, expensive, and as it pulled in closer you recognized the gold logo on the hood. It was a Lamborghini. Sicheng? You jumped up and threw on your jacket before heading out. He turned his car off and opened his door before stepping out. “Sicheng? What are you doing here?” Your face beaming, you never thought you’d see him. He looked amazing as usual. He wore a black suit and black turtle neck. A gold necklace hung from his long neck and shiny gold Rolex stuck out on his slim and pale wrist. His hair was parted to reveal his forehead and brought out his flawless face. He smiled when he saw you. You hugged him on impulse, wrapping you arms around his neck and tip toeing up. “I’m so happy you’re here.” Sicheng patted your back and smiled, but cleared his throat. He had to remember to keep his distance. You pulled away. “Oh—I’m sorry.” Your smile faded. He couldn’t help but smile when he looked at you, even cold-hearted vampires had a weakness for soft, beauties like you. And what was wrong with a simple hug. “It’s okay..I quite liked that, actually.” You chuckled. “How did you find me?” “I have connections, it wasn’t difficult...and I only came to uh..make sure you eat healthily.” Sicheng looked up and put his hands in his pockets. “I know some college kids let themselves go during the Holidays and I can’t drink blood with too much fat in it..” You smirked. “Riiiight. I’m sure that’s why you came.” You took his hand and led him inside. “You gotta meet my mom!” You introduce Sicheng to your mom who is more than delighted to see that he could make it. Jaehyun, on the other hand, looks at Sicheng in irritation. For once, he isn’t the main star. Jaehyun was gorgeous, he was like a model that just stepped out from a poster for a high-end designer brand, he was perfect. But Sicheng was equally as striking, he had no imperfections and had a killer smile as well. While the four of you are at dinner, Sicheng talks about what he does, of course, he makes something up to appear “normal,” but your mom is loving it. “Wow, you’re a well accomplished young gentle man.” Your mom says before handing him the bowl of salad. She’s surprised that he speaks like a jazz pioneer, but of course he does, he was born in the 1900s. She thought he was just “old school.” “And you sound so intelligent, tell me, are you sure you were born in the late 90s?” You choke on your egg nog and laugh. Oh the irony of it all. Sicheng laughs too. “Well, that is what my birth certificate says.” His eyes crinkle while you watch him and smile. Jaehyun rolls his eyes every time Sicheng speaks. He doesn’t believe anything that he says and is clearly jealous of the money he has. You smirk as you look up at him across from you, you’re happy now that Sicheng’s here and he’s annoyed by that. Sicheng pretends to enjoy the food your mom has cooked. You’re surprised and happy that he’s done that because he once described real food as tasting like fatty balls of salt, but he eats it and smiles because he doesn’t want to insult your mom. Your mom starts to talk about school with Jaehyun so you look at Sicheng as he struggles to swallow his food. “Thank you” You mouth and he winks.

The entire dinner is filled with smiles and laughter while you blush and look at Sicheng. Whenever you speak, he tilts his head and smiles as well, loving the way your mouth moves and your cheeks rise. It’s clear to everyone that he adores you. Your mom notices how he looks at you and suspects that there’s more than a business relationship. Without considering how awkward it would make the two of you feel, she blurts out “So, how long have you been seeing each other?” “Mom!” You yell out in an attempt to drown out her question. Sicheng only laughs and shakes his head. “Your daughter and I...we have a friendship that is dear to my heart.” You don’t know what you expected him to say, but deep down, you knew that wasn’t the answer you wanted. Friendship? Was that it? She nods and apologizes “I’m sorry, it’s just you two seem so close, but that’s what my daughter needs! She needs a good friend to look out for her.” Jaehyun laughs lightly before biting a slice of ham. His laughter is cut short, however, after you kick his leg under the table. You’re cleaning up in the kitchen while Sicheng plays a tune on your old and painfully out of tune piano for your mom. She coos and gasps at how well he plays. He’s doing the best he can, but can’t take it anymore as his enhanced hearing makes it sound wretched. You laugh at him and the faces he makes. “I—should tune this before I continue, I hope you don’t mind.” He asks your mom while you watch from the small opening above the kitchen sink. Your mom happily lets him tune it while you wash the dishes Just as you smile while watching Sicheng and your mom interact, Jaehyun enters the kitchen and stands beside you. “How’s school?” He tries to start a conversation, but your not having it. “Fine.” “You still into psychology?” He put his hands in his pockets. He wants to play catch up like you two are long distance best friends that haven’t seen each other in ages. But this wasn’t the case, and you really wanted nothing to do with him. “Yes.” You look back down to the dishes and give him short answers, you really didn’t want to speak to him. “So..who’s this rich bastard?” He asks annoyingly. “He’s not a bastard, actually he’s not like you at all” you spit out to him. “Ah I see, so you’ve got a sugar daddy now, you’ve become a true college girl” Jaehyun tilts his head as he looks down on you.

“Tell me, does he touch you as well as I did? Does he make you feel good?” he keeps asking, but you ignore him.

“Jaehyun!” You look up at him furiously. He reaches up and holds your face in one hand while caressing your cheek with his thumb. “I’ve been thinking about you and how much I miss you, your body, the sounds you make when you call my name.” He continues and touches your waist with his other hand. You push him away from you “Jaehyun, we ended things a long time ago, don’t take my mother’s kindness for an invitation to come back into our lives. I want nothing to do with you!”

You try not to say too loudly so that your mom will hear, but he persists. You’re pretty sure he’s had too much wine tonight as he slurs his words a bit.

“Oh please, I know you still like me, I’ve seen the way you look at me, I know he doesn’t make you feel good” he says as he steps closer and holds his hand out again, but out of nowhere comes Sicheng. You always forget just how fast he moves. And he forgets that not everyone knows what he is. “Shes not interested” Sicheng says while lightly pushing Jaehyun off of you. “And she’s interested in you?” Jaehyun looked at Sicheng with a disgusted look on his face. “Oh wait, she gets paid to act interested.” Jaehyun inched closer to Sicheng’s face. “You think you’re the big guy with your Lamborghini and tailored suit. But guess what, Gatsby, I didn’t have to pay her, I got it for free.” “Jaehyun!” You yelled but in a split second Sicheng grabbed him by the collar and pushed him into the wall.

Your mom rushed in when she heated the commotion.

Jaehyun was so shocked by Sicheng’s sudden movement, he looked at him with furrowed brows and a confused expression. How could someone as slim as Sicheng hold him up against a wall like this? He knew he was different.

“Jaehyun! It’s time for you to leave.” Your mom yelled. “How dare you talk about my daughter like that! Get the hell out of my house.” Neither of you knew that she heard the entire conversation, but you were somewhat glad she did because now she finally sees why you don’t talk to Jaehyun. Jaehyun looked up in disbelief and scoffed. He brushed Sicheng off and walked past you and your mother. He stopped when he passed her. “I’m sorry” he said quietly then continued walking. You heard the click of the front door and relaxed a little.

“I’m so sorry dear, I didn’t know he was such a jerk.” Your mom came up to you and held you in her arms.

You nodded “it’s okay, there was no way you could’ve known.”

You looked at Sicheng who still had tight fists. “Excuse me, I think it’s time for me to go.” He walked past you and your mother.

“Wait, Sicheng, don’t go” you turned to him with a sorrowful look on your face. You appreciated the way he defended you, but you wanted him to stay longer, you missed him and loved his presence.

“I’ll leave you two for a moment. I owe the neighbors a Christmas cake!” Your mom jumped up and hurriedly grabbed her coat and scarf.

You knew she felt the awkwardness of the moment and that the two of you needed some time alone to talk. You and Sicheng sat down on the couch together.

“I’m sorry he said those awful things, I’m sorry for coming.” he kept apologizing, and you didn’t understand why. “Sicheng, please don’t apologize, thank you for coming, he’s an asshole and I hate him, I prefer your company anyway..” you started. “Did you see his face? The asshole didn’t see it coming.” You laughed to try to break the serious mood. Sicheng smiled. “Yeah, I did move a little too fast.” Sicheng’s hair had fallen into his forehead during the whole ordeal, so you rose your hand and gently pushed it out and fixed the part. You felt his eyes on your face while your delicate fingers moved. He held your wrist to stop you. He watched your lips and you both moved closer to each other. “Sicheng..please don’t go yet.” You breathily said, eyes still on his luscious lips. “Why is your heart beating so fast?” Sicheng whispered in a low tone that made you shiver. He looked into your eyes while he held your wrist.

You leaned in closer.

Everything about him made you weak. You wanted to kiss him on your couch right then and there, could you hold back your feelings any longer?

“Sicheng..I.” He stopped you by kissing your lips. Finally.

You wanted to feel them on yours for so long.

You held your back while you held his face and deepened the kiss. His cold hands rubbed your back slowly, making the hairs on your hot skin raise. You picked yourself up and sat on his lap. He caressed your thighs while licking your bottom lip.

You panted and turned your head, enjoying the way his silky lips pushed against yours.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as his hands held your waist while you grinded down onto him. “Sicheng..” you called out his name quietly. He placed sloppy kisses on your neck, ignoring the small voice in his head that told him to stop. He only listened to your whining and focused on the feeling of your body finally on his, the way your clothed, pulsing core rubbed against his covered and aching tip. He sucked on your collar bone, holding himself back from biting into your soft skin.

The sound of your heart beat and your delicious scent drove him crazy while he sat under you.

His pants kept him restricted, but he still felt your opening growing wet as you pushed down onto him. Your moans sounded like the most exquisite music to his ears.

His hands went to the back of your dress as you started to kiss him again, but stopped and looked at you.

You breathed heavily. “Undress me..please.”

Sicheng pulled the zipper down hesitantly and you let your mouth open slightly when you felt the cold breeze hit your back.

You raised yourself and pushed down onto him again, repeating the action as your heat built up and he grew.

You ran your hand down his rock hard chest and rested it on his bulge. He thrusted up into it while still kissing your lips fervently. You still moved back and forth on his lap while his hands gripped your ass to push you down harder. He groaned and felt a rumbling in his chest that told him to feed. His fangs grew and his eyes fluttered shut as he inched closer to your vein and dug his nails into your velvety skin. He wanted to drink from you and savor every drop. He wanted to make sweet love to you and feel your satin walls around him while listening to your heavenly moans, but he couldn’t.

He held your wrist and pulled away from you.

He batted his eyes and looked at your swollen lips, as if trying to focus on the words he was trying to say. “I-I should go.” You breathed heavily and looked at hip through wide eyes. “Why? We can go to my room if you want to.” Sicheng took you off his lap and placed you down gently beside him while fixing his pants and zipping your dress back up. “Y/n..I want to..trust me..I really do, but this isn’t good for us.” You exhaled, you knew that this wasn’t part of the agreement, but you wanted it so badly. He got up to leave, but you held his hand. “Sicheng, don’t leave..I think..I love—“ you muttered out without thinking. He quickly pulled away and clenched his jaw. “Don’t. I told you not to” Sicheng looked to the side. You silently cursed yourself. “Sicheng, I’m so sorry but-“ you continued and stood up from the couch, but he walked away from you.

“We cant do this anymore, this is over” he walked out the door and to his car, he didn’t look at you but you could tell he was upset by his somber and muted tone.

You threw your head forward and held it in your hands. “What did I just do?”

300 notes · View notes

hellyeahomeland · 5 years ago

Text

“Fucker Shot Me”: an HYH recap

A day after Haqqani turns himself over to the Americans, the Americans are turning him over to G’ulom. Saul and Haqqani pull up to Ghazi Stadium, where G’ulom has been holding the Taliban fighters.

G’ulom is standing outside, in a cape, like he’s Andre Leon Fucking Talley (to be clear, we stan). Haqqani says he’s ready and Saul gets out of the car to give another speech that G’ulom is definitely not listening to about Justice and Due Process and Integrity. G’ulom fulfills his end of the bargain, releasing the prisoners, who all make a beeline for Haqqani because, well, he’s the Emir! Saul warns G’ulom that if he doesn’t treat Haqqani with respect, “your world will explode.” So that’s coming.

Saul goes back to Kabul station and Mike and Jenna have something to tell him.

Jenna: Remember how yesterday I had one job, which was to get Carrie on the plane to Germany? Saul: Yeah… Jenna: Well, I fucked that up. Mike: Carrie was photographed at the airport getting in a car with everyone’s favorite Russian hunk. Yevgeny Gromov! Can you believe it? Saul: Yes. I mean, no! How surprising. Mike: They could be halfway to Moscow by now. Saul: First, chill. Second, doubtful. Carrie is all about saving her friend Max. She’s probably somewhere in Pakistan. Mike: This is an outrage. Rules! I must follow them! I’m referring this to the FBI. Saul: Whatever. Send me a text or something when you find her ok byeeeeee

Carrie and Yevgeny are somewhere in Pakistan, it turns out. They’re listening to the radio, which is such a quaint thing for two lovers frenemies to do together. The radio report is about Haqqani turning himself in, and they get to talking about the CIA’s working theory that Carrie is a traitor who told her Russian handler—Yevgeny—about the president’s helicopter so that he could alert Haqqani who could fire an RPG! Phew. That’s a lot. They’re both like “yeah that didn’t happen” but also realize the, like, component of weirdness of the situation since they’re off on this road trip together and look extra double super suspicious now. “Ironic,” Carrie says while gazing out the window.

They pull up to a checkpoint. Yevgeny gets out of the car because he is In Charge. He approaches two guys, who are actually his homies, inquiring about where “the American” (Max) is. They have a line on him.

Carrie and Yevgeny’s next stop is a small Pakistani village. Again Yevgeny gets out of the car and instructs Carrie to stay. But we all know (and he should too by now!) that if you tell Carrie not to do something, she turns into a four-year-old child who instantly must do that thing. Plus her spidey senses are tingling. Maybe she recognizes some of these structures? She hops out of the car and ends up at a gravesite. Rows upon rows of graves with the year “2014” etched across the bottom. Uh oh. A few split-second flashbacks later and… yep, these are the graves of the people she dropped a bomb on in “The Drone Queen.”

Carrie: Quit fucking with me. Yevgeny: Heh? Carrie: Quit 👏 fucking 👏 with 👏 me Yevgeny: I’m not fucking with you. Carrie: Coolio, so we just happened to end up at the village I decimated four years ago in the event that probably more than any other haunts my waking nights? Yevgeny: What do you think happens after you decimate a village with a bomb, Carrie? We come in, help them rebuild the mosque, and develop contacts. It’s not a coincidence we’re here. But I’m not fucking with you. Carrie: I’m changing the subject now. What did the imam say? Yevgeny: He knows where Max is. Come on.

Saul, resident hottie Scott Ryan, and Not Martha Boyd are gathered around a conference table in Kabul station, talking to Linus and his homies back at the White House. They’re all very concerned that Haqqani’s trial will be a sham, he’ll be put up against a wall and shot, and that will mean more violence and more instability, and certainly not an end to “The Forever War.” Not Martha mentions that the lead judge is a woman she knows from some embassy events and she’s fair and independent so they can probably influence her (umm… what?)! Their meeting is interrupted by Hayes, who’s apparently just wandering the halls of the West Wing searching for something to do. He’s generally displeased this is all taking place behind his back, but no one thinks he can do anything, so it’s understandable. He flatly denies Saul’s request to declassify some intelligence that could prove Haqqani is innocent, asks again for the “action plan” to kill more brown people, and storms out.

Back in Carrie/Yevgeny land, Yevgeny continues to pry about the drone strike. He says again he didn’t put two and two together, then proceeds to ask actual personal questions like, “so is that why you left the CIA?” Carrie explains her mental state in season four, which is not something she’s ever done, but it’s interesting nonetheless. She catches herself at the end again questioning whether he’s being truthful or not, because if he is, she doesn’t know why. Poor Carrie has no concept of a personal relationship that’s not transactional.

They eventually arrive at the house where Max is being kept. Again, Yevgeny does all the talking. Carrie storms in to find Max, sprawled out on a mattress, one arm still handcuffed to the bed frame. Immediately she springs into nurturing, concerned Carrie, which is not a hat she wears often (side note: when will Carrie wear another hat?). Max says he’s fine but the narsty wound they show in close-up confirms otherwise. He explains that he doesn’t have the flight recorder anymore but he didn’t want to make a big deal about it, lest it suggest the flight recorder was not just some random red boxy thing. “You did good,” Carrie assures him.

Unfortunately, their touching moment ends right there because a few trucks full of Taliban soldiers pull up to the house. They uncuff Max and then cart him off. Yevgeny looks on helpless. Carrie tells Max she will find him. Then she goes off on the dude who let them in. Yevgeny has to physically restrain her. He looks in her eyes, tells her he’ll take care of this while Carrie attempts to calm her breathing. Did anyone else get the indication he has definitely done this before? He was too effective for that to be a rookie attempt. Anyhoozles, Yevgeny finally gets the location where they took Max, so it’s off to stop #3.

At Dover Air Force Base, Hayes is asking Linus for his unconditional loyalty, which is always something you want a president to be asking for. He’s really miffed that people are going behind his back but Linus says something like “we gotta be in the information flow, man.” Hayes repeats the phrase back, and you definitely get the indication he’s the type of person who uses words and phrases wrong all the time without realizing. Again, he’s the president! Don’t you feel safe?

Oh, the reason they’re at the base is because Hayes had an empty casket shipped back on Air Force One for a photo op. And surprise, surprise! G’ulom came over too. I’m sure they’ll have tons to talk about.

Elsewhere in Pakistan, Saul is grasping at straws and goes to Bunny’s home. Tasneem is there, because they have no secrets between them. Saul pleads for their help coming up with a way to help Haqqani. If they don’t, there will be another war, right at their border, and that’s not great for America, but they’re 7000 miles away. It’s really not great for Pakistan, because it’ll be right on their doorstep. Bunny is having none of it. The Americans play hot and cold with Pakistan, asking for their help whenever it suits them and in the interim killing their citizens, withholding aid, and generally being massive dicks. Enough already!

Saul sees himself out, but Tasneem surprisingly comes knocking on his car window. She’ll help him. Why? She doesn’t want to watch the world burn. This is a surprise because I thought that was Tasneem’s defining quality.

Carrie and Yevgeny arrive at stop #3, which is a field just above where Max is being kept. Carrie scopes out the house. It’s barely being guarded, but who knows how long that’ll last. She decides to phone a friend, but Saul never answers his damn phone. So she decides to phone a Single White Female.

Jenna: Carrie? What the hell? You made me look like an idiot. Carrie: Made you? Lol ok. Anyway, please listen. Mike: What are you doing, Carrie? Carrie: Oh, great, you again. I found Max. Y’know, that thing you guys were doing anything in your power to accomplish? I did it in like 12 hours. Mike: Who are you with? Carrie: ...Breezing by that question. Anyway, here are the coordinates. Will you call special ops? Max is in critical condition, I don’t know how much longer he can make it. Mike: Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? Carrie: Do you have any idea how much I don’t give a fuck? Just call special ops. Bye. [click] Mike: You are now a fugitive, your case is with the FBI, Carrie…? CARRIE?

In the Oval Office, Hayes and G’ulom meet for an “unofficial summit.” Hayes reads a headline on his iPad that declares “The Two Presidents,” which… is certainly a true thing about them. Hayes hems and haws about going back to war with the Taliban, and G’ulom says some manipulative stuff about the US being all-powerful fighters who could totally put them away in two to three weeks. Hayes doesn’t even know he’s being manipulated though and plays right into G’ulom’s hand. He eats this shit up! He loves hearing about American dominance and how he could be the steward of it. If it means murdering even more brown people, that’s just a bonus!

Saul and his new BFF Tasneem arrive at the home of the lead judge for Haqqani’s trial and plead with her that he’s innocent. She asks for literally any evidence and their response is “just trust us, two perfect strangers who barged into your house late at night.” She’s highly skeptical until Tasneem pulls up a news article about the RPG that hit one of the Taliban caravans back in episode two. That was meant for Haqqani, because he wanted peace and the ISI didn’t, and he still agreed to the peace deal. This is apparently enough to sway her, so she agrees to a continuance for one week while Saul and Tasneem figure out what to do.

Carrie is taking a light nap in the back seat of Yevgeny’s truck when he wakes her. Some more cars have arrived at the house where Max is. She peers through the binoculars to see Jalal Haqqani rolling up with his crew. Shit. Jalal enters the room where Max is being held and asks him who shot down the helicopters. “What helicopters?” Max cooly replies. Max 4 President!

Above, Carrie is panicked and phones Mike again. Mike admits that no, special ops isn’t coming. It’s too risky, they haven’t scouted the site, etc. Carrie, totally missing the point, offers to scout the site herself. The issue, of course, isn’t with the site, it’s with Carrie herself. She’s a rogue agent, calling from a Russian sat phone. Who else is even listening in on this call? Carrie says, verbatim, “I don’t underestimate the difficulty.” Whenever Carrie goes searching for euphemisms (“That is a mischaracterization!”) you know she’s in deep shit and that she knows she’s in deep shit. She pleads with Mike that Max is one of ours and we can’t just abandon him. He says they’re doing all they can, which is of course a lie. This must all feel eerily reminiscent of Brody and Tehran for her, a slow-motion car crash she’s powerless to stop.

In need of something, anything, to do, Carrie asks Yevgeny for his gun. She’s going to scout the site herself, at least see if Max is still alive. Yevgeny reluctantly agrees but vows to book it if she gets in trouble, which is also of course a lie.

In Kabul, Saul visits Haqqani in his cell, which is also eerily reminiscent of the cage they kept Brody in in season three. He tells him of the continuance he secured and Haqqani is like, “bro, why are you doing all this?” Saul says it’s because he’s innocent. Haqqani knows the truth though: after forty of years of war, none of them are still innocent.

In the court room, one by one the judges file in. The last and presiding one, however, is not the woman Tasneem and Saul met the night prior. That’s right, G’ulom pulled the ol’ trial judge switcheroo! This new guy is definitely not ordering a continuance. He gives a speech about the pain and suffering Haqqani has inflicted on thousands of people. How he killed both presidents. He sentences him to death. Saul looks on horrified. He calls Linus, who informs him that Hayes has asked for new perspectives on Afghanistan, and John Zabel is in the Oval Office meeting with him as they speak. They are extremely disgusted, so we know John Zabel must suck. Outside the courthouse, crowds have gathered in celebration of the announcement of Haqqani’s inevitable execution.

In the Oval Office, Linus interrupts the meeting between Hayes and John Zab—oh my god, it’s Hugh Dancy! Ok, ok, we all knew it would be Hugh Dancy, but it’s still exciting! He has a terrible haircut, awful facial hair, and gives off general vibes of hot evilness. He makes a few incredibly racist remarks, praises Hayes’ quick action in avenging Beau Bridge’s death, and talks about next steps. Linus comes thisclose to doing a Jim Halpert on The Office impression.

A few Taliban soldiers come into Max’s room and drag him up. He groans and yells. Outside, Carrie, gun in hand, makes her way to the perimeter of the house. They’ve carried Max into the courtyard and are pulling an orange jumpsuit on him. He screams in protest, doing everything he can to resist. Jalal stands in front, camera and tripod at the ready. Carrie watches in horror, beginning to put the pieces together. They pull Max’s glasses off and she pulls her pistol up, ready to shoot.

Suddenly, Yevgeny grabs her from behind, his hand over her mouth, muzzling her cries. He puts her against a wall (why is this so sexual??) and stares into her eyes. “No,” he whipsers. For once, she listens.

#homeland #an hyh recap #fucker shot me #*#by: sara

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dwindlingashesburnt · 5 years ago

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Undertale ideas

...I don't generally like angst, but a majority of Undertale angst seems to centre around Sans in some way, the concept of resets or of genocide routes, or of one of the people capable of resets going "ahahahah no consequences I can do whatever evil things I like and you can't stop me!!!"

Well

I'd like to propose a different variation for undertale angst - namely someone capable of resets going "oh fuck oh no there's no consequences oH FUCK HELP ME"

I mean.

Think about it.

All three capable of resets - Chara, Frisk and Flowey - have every single basic rule for life on Earth flung out the window, and are then told on top of that "btw no consequences for you, lol". Are they going to say "hell yeah, sweet"? Nope.

They're going to freak the fuck out. The fundamentals of how they understand the universe have just been torn out from under them - they're KIDS, they haven't made their own rules for their worldview yet, not really, they just have the fundamentals.

Think about those fundamentals:

What comes up, must go down, everything falls -> uh yeah gravity magic exists so that immediately goes out the window

What happens, happens, time cannot be rewritten -> ...resets.

There will be some form of consequence or reaction for every action taken -> ...well kind of a bit, but resets ultimately mean it doesn't make any difference, there are no TRUE consequences which means it likely very quickly fewla like there are none true or technical

For Chara and Frisk specifically, magic breaks the laws of physics, as does stuff like the snow in Snowdin, the whole concept of intent causing harm an of SOULs existing is also likely to rip the floor out from under their feet. I know most of this would be somewhat old news for Chara but I'm thinking it may end up being the straw that breaks the camel's back type thing

For Chara and Flowey specifically, their very existence is now likely to tear a pretty huge gap in their worldview. Flowey is now FLOWEY the flower, has no soul, potentially has his magic messed up due to the different form and or soul issues, does he even need to eat as a flower? Does he need sunlight, hell, does he photosynthesise? What about Chara - the fuck, how are they even existing? How if at all are they linked to Frisk? Were they aware since their death? Do they know anything about Frisk?

Further point for Chara and Flowey -> how much time, if any, has passed since the last time they were aware? Is the Underground drastically different to what they remember? What about their brief trip to the surface, when compared to Frisk and or Frisk's experiences??

Frisk specifically-> HUGE UNDERGROUND with MONSTERS and MAGIC and hoooollly shhiiiiittt what. Shouldn't that fall have killed them?

All -> the concept or lack thereof of an afterlife is probably a pretty huge knock to their worldview too

So now you must imagine these kids, who have had everythig and anything they could base their understanding, predictions, actions or reactions on, torn out from under them, leaving them completely lost and probably extremely panicked. Oh, they also have literally no idea what's happening....unnnntil they do, ok, they now have a huge amount of power that doesn't really help them at all with little knowledge to back it up and NO GROUNDRULES to guide them

Like this post sucks so bad compared to the idea in my head but like. I'm imagining Flowey and Papyrus getting on well because Flowey came up with his own rules to replace the usual gravity and time and consequences...But they don't make that much sense, his rules, however Flowey has made em a fundamental part of his worldview so anytime he sees them violated it sends him right off the deep emd, flailing as the world is again pulled out from under him, often resulting in panic, and or anger, and or violence. But he gets on well with Papyrus because Papyrus is very good at figuring out the fundamental rules of Flowey's worldview, and then operating within those rules - meaning he is one of few or perhaps the only person whom Flowey doesn't inevitably get distressed spending time with

I'm also imagining that Chara and Frisk very notavly don't make their own rules, but stubbornly cling to what should be their foundation but no longer is. This results in them taking a rather short route to a rapidly impeding breakdown as they frantically keep trying to prove the usual rules in any way they can. They try good consequences for their actions at first, but that doesn't really work out too well, and they can't figure out how to get out from the Underground so they inevitably get killed and end up resetting no matter what they do (meaning no sense of permanancy can be added to the other issues), so instead they start gradually doing things that SHOULD have worse and worse consequences. But they don't, not really. For one thing, it can be undone in a blink of an eye, for another...Well. There's no real consequence for Toriel or amy of the unnamed monsters anywhere in game. You don't find out the consequences for Papyrus' death until much later - late enough that it probably no longer feels like a connected sequence of events to these two kids who went throygh who knows how many resets getting from a to b anywsy - and Papyrus certainly doesn't hint at any consequences himself. He forgives them - who wants to bet that feels more like a slap to the face than anything else, to these two increasingly hysterical children who are starting to feel the world isn't quite real, they aren't quite real, none of it matters because no matter what they do they're not meeting any real consequences...

Imagine when Sans pretends to offer mercy. Imagine the kid(s) feel a dull roaring in their ears, because just when it seemed like they'd finally met some sort of consequence...Imagine them sprinting up to Sans with renewed fury as what's left of the two kid's sanity splinters along with the last remains of any solid worldview. Imagine they finally manage to kill Sans and sort of go into shock for a minute, because no. Nononono that wasn't supposed to happen, he said that was the consequences, that was no real consequence, what are they supposed to...

They don't care what the consequence is at this point, just something real and solid that proves that their actions affect things in the world and have been acknowledged felt and witnessed by other real living people.

Imagine Chara, in a fit of dark humour, asks Frisk, wheezing between paindul laughter as they demand to know "Do you think you are above consequences?"

Frisk can't breathe for a moment. They gasp, their breath hitches. A "Yes" escapes and then a child or two is half laughing, half crying, absolutely hysterical as they rock, trying to comfort themselves and each other. Neither of them notice until a good twenty minutes later that a near constant mantra of "yes yes I am we are above consequences yesyesyes there are no consequences none yesyesyes we are above, we are, oh god please help, helpmehelpmehelpus, yes, yes, yes" has barely stopped since Chara asked that question. They think, or would have, if either of them could think anywhere near coherently, that they may have had a bit of a panic attack there. Just a bit. They have no idea how long they were freaking out for - they try to check, turns out it was a couple of hours. They thought it was ten minutes.

IMAGINE THEY HAVE ENOUGH POWER TO ERASE THE WORLD they don't, but only because of the same type of mental block that stops you crunching your finger like a carrot. the realisation that they have that option, however, sends them into a near catatonic state for the equivalent of hours (saves and resetsare screwy). Then one or both of them decides now would be a good time to reset

IMAGINE THESE TWO KIDS GOING ON A COMPLETE GENOCIDAL RUN AND THEN FACING EVERY SINGLE PERSON THEY SLAUGHTERED AND WERE SLAUGHTERED BY, AS THOUGH NOTHING HAPPENED

imagine what that does a the psyche of these two kids who aint even 18 and quite possibly arent even teens?

Imagine Sans and or Papyrus thinking they're stuck in this hell of resets. Imagine Sans, determined that there is his friend, and there is the evil anomoly.

Imagine the people in control of those resets being as much if not more of a victim than the rest. Imagine Sans coming across a hysterical child having a fit of emotion and fear that mostly involves screaming and crying or laughing a lot and breaking things, because why not? It's not like they'll face any consequences for it.

Sans eventually figures out what's wrong with Chara and Frisk, very roughly anyway, and immediately goes...Ohhhhhh. Shit. Fuck. Fuckityfuckfuckfuck.

Papyrus is mildly bewildered by Flowey suddenly mildly changing his rules upon Frisk falling into the Underground and taking the reset option from him. Maybe Papyrus tries to guide Flowry to a healthier mindset or get him to a therapist, and instead ends up in a whole load of trouble. Flowey is concerningly dpendent on him and they're both feeling the strain

Just...just imagine the possibilities, yaknow?

I just think "oh fuck, no consequences" has pretty great angst potential. At LEAST as much as "oh yeah, no consequences" has

#undertale #angst #consequences #my own posts

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soveryanon · 5 years ago

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Reviewing time for MAG148! X___X/*

- I still can’t believe that the “Extended” in the title was for (amongst other things) long-due [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF ELIAS GETTING BRUTALLY PUNCHED]. “George Icarus” would laugh in his grave from vindication if only his skin hadn’t been used during The Unknowing.

And it was so varied! Ben did a Great Work at it because it sounds like Basira got very creative in that scene? At first, sounded like a punch in the guts; got the feeling, right after, that it was her pinning her against a wall or the table, an arm twisted in his back, holding him by his hair? And with the:

(MAG148) BASIRA: Mm–hmm. ELIAS: [ASPHYXIATED NOISE] [STRANGLED] B–… But I… can see how maybe I… should have mentioned it…!

Sounded like Basira blocking his windpipe (ha.) with her forearm, pushing higher. Don’t know how other people are Hearing This Scene but I do appreciate that, anyway, it was moving and slightly different every time, we could hear it, and it was Various Shades Of Elias Having A Bad Time.

… well. I HOPE he was having a bad time. Because getting savagely thrashed around and then going:

(MAG148) BASIRA: [EXHALE] So. Why d’you agree to see me. ELIAS: I missed you. BASIRA: Right. That’s why you’ve been refusing my visits since we got back. ELIAS: I–I thought it might have… [EXHALING] been an idea to give you some space. BASIRA: Oh, and how’d that work out for you? ELIAS: Ah… Not–not ideally. […] Goodbye, Detective. I shall miss our little chats.

Is. Uh. With Jonathan “do I miss being chased?” Sims and now this, what is it with Beholding types and being-addicted-to-the-things/people-wrecking you. Was Elias fond of Gertrude in the same way.

(And what does it say about Elias that this scene was, like, a big moment of *BREATHES* in the last string of episodes, while it’s still about a prisoner getting beaten up by an ex-cop, who also threatened to make his overall situation worse, while prison guards should supposedly have stepped in to protect him? Not too surprised about the fact that the officers didn’t intervene spontaneously (they have had to deal with Elias for a year. Elias who has blackmail material and has such a Charming Personality.), and Basira had many reasons to lash out (used as coerced material for Elias to trap Daisy, basically a hostage; was recently sent all over the world on Elias’s bullshit leads), but. Still. Not great from Basira. Technically. (You did amazing sweetie, bastard had it coming.))

- I also wondered if Elias wasn’t actually a bit. High. During the whole altercation. Because he was reaaaaally… uh. Making things worse for himself here and there? While being absolutely aware that Basira was pissed and ready to kick him harder? And if really sounded like someone who was too out-of-his-mind to truly assess the situation.

On the one hand, some bits felt like they were feeding the Elias-is-actually-Jonah theory:

(MAG148) ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. […] ARCHIVIST: … I–I don’t know, I mean… We still don’t really know… what Elias actually is…? I thought… Maybe if he was more like me than we realised…

(And Jon miiiiight have thought about it too.)

… and on the other hand, the more shittiest he gets, the younger and younger he sounds to me, a sneaky opportunistic lazy little thing who just happened to get his hands on some power recently, and not a 200y-old person. Elias in s1? Can accept that yeah, 40-50y old. But he’s been losing ten years at a time to my ears ever since, and he’s currently at “early 20 stupid idiot”.

- Anyway, I have a special fondness for the line:

(MAG148) ELIAS: … And, hum… No more violence, Detective. Or I may have to call in the guards.

Because he sounded so Dramatic and Righteous, a bit reminiscent of… stereotypical thin old lady holding her bag, very blank face and solemn? I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but Ben’s delivery in that one cracks me up a lot.

- On the one hand, ahahaha, Elias is Being His Useless Self, Basira ranted about it, Jon&Basira acknowledged that he wouldn’t be helpful in anything but “useless gloating”, Elias himself looks… only Good At Bullshitting (like Jon described in MAG145). … On the other hand, it’s generally when Elias has been proven… less threatening than what we could fear, that he tends to prove that no, he can harm, and has ways to do it, and won’t hesitate.

Jon spitting at his face post-kidnapping in MAG102 and Tim telling him to fuck off in MAG104? Was followed with Melanie’s “performance review” in MAG106. The assistants scheming to take him down, ~fooling him~ with Martin acting as bait and Melanie finding proof to force Section 31 to arrest him? Was still followed by Elias designating Peter as the Head Director (and potentially having planned this… for a while… since he had sent Peter to meet Martin in MAG108, and Peter had already come in the Institute in MAG100), plus revealing that he knew about Jon’s dreams all along.

So, uh. If the current trend is to deride Elias… he might prove, soon-ish, that yeah, he’s not as big of a menace that he likes to make you think, but he’s still a Threat.

- SPECIAL WORRY OVER:

(MAG148) BASIRA: And when exactly were you planning to tell us he’s been feeding on innocents? [SILENCE] ELIAS: Ah… [HUM] I’ve… always thought that a man’s eating habits were… his own private business. BASIRA: Mm–hmm. ELIAS: [ASPHYXIATED NOISE] [STRANGLED] B–… But I… can see how maybe I… should have mentioned it…!

… because it puts to mind:

(MAG127) BASIRA: Can we cut the bullshit? ELIAS: What “bullshit” might that be? BASIRA: The part where you pretend you don’t spend your whole time watching us. ELIAS: … Sometimes I’m eating.

And alright, at that point, Jon had already attacked two people, could have been a reference to that. But mostly, what is Elias eating, or whom? He’s been in prison for (almost?) a year by now – how does he himself Feed Beholding…? I understood their exchange as… Elias saying that his situation had actually gotten worse in prison while she was away (?):

(MAG148) BASIRA: Right. That’s why you’ve been refusing my visits since we got back. ELIAS: I–I thought it might have… [EXHALING] been an idea to give you some space. BASIRA: Oh, and how’d that work out for you? ELIAS: Ah… Not–not ideally.

But I’m not sure, since he also pointed out that his “special treatment” was guaranteed because he was giving the police useful information. So. I don’t know. But beginning to fear that he actually has the entire prison under his control, and that he’s just in the right place to cause damages and get the Archives team in the direction he wants, while being sure that Jon won’t try to compel him…?

- Amusingly, this episode made small references to fantheories! There was the what-the-heck-is-Elias bit with Elias saying that he had been in the game “a long time now” (which sounded very orientated towards the Jonah Magnus theory); the connection between Elias and The Web, with Elias claiming that uuuh… Spiders are best ignored:

(MAG148) ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…! Assuming you have a plan. Do… you… have a plan? Detective?

(And on the one hand, Elias is almost explicitly saying that he has no connection with The Web (although as usual, you can also read his sentence while focusing on what’s missing: it would work perfectly if he was actually talking about himsel in third person); on the other hand… he’s also doing exactly what Annabelle described re:The Web, ie constantly making people under or overestimate you as fits your plans. So. Yeah. Could be that Elias indeed has no plan at all, or barely any, and is mostly waiting for Jon to keep digging his own grave and Create A Beholding Ritual from scratch because Jon is too impatient. Could also be that Elias does have plans, and is mostly trying to get Basira to not factor him in too much at the moment – if so, it worked.)

And there was the “Detective” bit:

(MAG148) ELIAS: [SNIFF] Good evening, Detecti– [PUNCH] OW! [EXTENDED SOUND OF BRUTAL PUNCHING.] BASIRA: Useless, scheming piece of shit! ELIAS: Detective, this is quite unnece– […] BASIRA: No. No, I’m done with your game! ELIAS: Bas… Basira, let’s– […] Assuming you have a plan. Do… you… have a plan? Detective? BASIRA: … Why do you do that? What is that? ELIAS: Uh… Do what? BASIRA: You always call me “Detective”. Is that supposed to mean something? ELIAS: Honestly? I just like the way it sounds! BASIRA: [DISGUSTED EXHALE] ELIAS: … And, hum… No more violence, Detective. Or I may have to call in the guards. […] I’m sorry to say, Detective, but you’re becoming predictable…! BASIRA: [EXASPERATED GRUNT] ELIAS: Goodbye, Detective. I shall miss our little chats.

On the one hand: Elias explicitly says that no, ahah, the “detective” bit is just a random thing (for added drama? I mean, someone had been hand-gesturing a looooot, if the shackle sounds are any indication); on the other hand, Agnes was the living proof that Believing And Faith Is The Key when it comes to Fears, and that you create things if you think hard enough that they’ll work out. So. Even if the “Detective” is a title he went for because it literally sounded cool, it could become… something.

On the third hand: gdi Elias, give credits where it’s due!!! Georgie had been the first one to call Basira a “detective”, in MAG122!!! (… and I was assuming, until then, that he had Watched the scene and adopted it because indeed, it sounded nice; and this episode is… leaning in that direction, snorts.)

(… but worried/suspicious about Georgie’s tendency to be spot-on with key words or key concepts. Besides the “detective”, she also nailed “anchor” and “avatar”, which had been used during Gertrude’s time, according to Gertrude’s tapes… But Georgie couldn’t know that yet, and Jon hadn’t heard those yet back when he was discussing the concepts with Georgie.)

Anyway, glad that Basira highlighted Elias’s insistence over “detective”, and absolutely Not Surprised But Still Facepalming that Elias just. Used it even more than usual afterwards. He’s so shitty, Elias PLEASE…

(+ Bonus to the list of Current Fantheories nudge: we got a Beholding statement about technology which included wiring everywhere. Was that a nod towards the Webholding speculation going on?)

(… and meanwhile, we still don’t have that kind of joke or winkwink between Martin and Peter over the fact that they could potentially be blood-related. Mmmmmmmmmm.)

- Okay, Elias was a total useless cracky bust this week but I can’t help but always be wary of him and what he is saying, and he said about The Dark:

(MAG148) BASIRA: Unless you’ve got another crisis for me? ELIAS: [PAINED GROAN] No, no! [PANTING] … No. I–it–it’s fine. I–I’m, I’m sorry. BASIRA: Oh yeah? For which part? ELIAS: [HIGH-PITCHED] … All of it…? BASIRA: You sent us to the North fucking Pole for no goddamn reason. ELIAS: A, a–hem… miscalculation.

… And the thing is. That.

1°) Manuela didn’t explain how Elias and Rayner knew each other and had been “friends”. It seems to be going to feed the “Elias is Jonah” theory, since we know Jonah and Rayner were acquaintances back in the days, but… Manuela has now been taken care of, and who, besides Rayner himself, could have willingly talked a bit more about it?

2°) We’re past July 20th 2018 (MAG147) and. There is still the fact that a partial solar eclipse is bound to happen on August 11th 2018 (from real life). On the one hand, yeah, The Dark seems to be Absolutely Done For by now; on the other hand, they just tend to. never be truly done for and actually, surprise!, still be around and kicking. (And Jon had seen members of the cult, at the beginning of the season, meaning… there are still some of them around, even after their “last” collective attempt with Rayner in February 2017…? How come there were still people that Jon managed to identify as cultists, if the cult doesn’t exist anymore and their leader is dead…?)

- ALRIGHT NO, ACTUAL SUPER SPECIAL DUPER WORRY IS THAT ELIAS DROPPED SOME “ADVICE” AGAIN

(MAG148) BASIRA: Or that we were being stalked by some freaky spider woman. Don’t tell me you didn’t know about that! ELIAS: Ah, uh, y–yes… W–well… To be honest, I’d… advise you to leave that one – well alone. BASIRA: Oh yeah? ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…!

Because I Remember Too Well two big pieces of “advice” that Elias had given Jon, and:

(MAG037) MARTIN: Sorry… Look, Jon, I do think we should destroy the table, though. I mean, if it’s the one from Amy Patel’s statement. Just in case. ARCHIVIST: Elias told me the same thing. Luckily, he phrased it as advice rather than an instruction, so for now I’m more inclined to keep studying it. We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge.

(MAG116) ELIAS: Oh, and, Jon – technically, I can’t stop you, but I would heavily advise against bringing any… rogue… elements. MARTIN: You can just say Tim. ARCHIVIST: I will take it under advisement. ELIAS: Hm. Anyway, don’t worry about staying in contact, I’ll know when it starts.

AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO SASHA (WHEN SHE WAS ALONE WITH THE TABLE) AND TO TIM (WHOM JON ALLOWED TO COME TO THE UNKNOWING).

(+ Bonus, to Daisy:

(MAG082) ELIAS: I leave the matter of Jonathan Sims up to you, though I will not tell you where he is. I suggest you close the case and move on, but if you find yourself unable to do so, my advice is to kill him quickly. There’s no telling what he might be capable of.

… Like, yes, at the time, it was hilarious to imply that Jon could be a threat for anyone or anything, and it was mostly a “hEY” moment because Elias was… encouraging Daisy to go Hard on Jon, who was currently lost and sleep-deprived and spending his days researching on his computer, drinking tea, cleaning Georgie’s kitchen and catsitting The Admiral. But. Elias’s “advice” to Daisy didn’t age well / aged TOO well.)

………………… so additional current fear is that, yeah, Basira will end up not leaving The Web alone and. It. Will. Get straight back at her.

- Also SHIT, Basira:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: Did he say anything about Annabelle? BASIRA: Not really. Sounds like he’s not too worried, though. Says to just ignore it. ARCHIVIST: [SNORTING] Yeah, good luck with that!

… this is NOT what Elias said. He basically said that you couldn’t do anything about it anyway. That’s. Not exactly the same thing. (And he sounded a bit scared of that one.)

- Gaaaasp, this season has been so vulgar so far, gaaaaaaaaaaasp

(MAG131) ARCHIVIST: Oh, I… Melanie, I–I’m so sorry, I– MELANIE: Oooh, fuck off?! ARCHIVIST: I was trying to save your life. MELANIE: Yes…! Well, you did! […] It didn’t stay in my leg because of some Ghostly Masterplan; it stayed… because I wanted it. ARCHIVIST: … Shit. MELANIE: Yes.

(MAG132) BASIRA: Jon, you stupid idiot! What did you think?! DAISY: … Hi.

(MAG143) BASIRA: [SIGH] So, what, this was another waste of time? What, no Church, no Dark Sun? … I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch…!

(MAG148) BASIRA: Useless, scheming piece of shit! […] You sent us to the North fucking Pole for no goddamn reason.

(I’m amused because, is the use of “fuck” actually a sneaky way to get a higher rating for episodes with actually harder content? Here, we had a beating up taking place in a cell; MAG131 had Jon trying to self-harm. MAG080 had a murder live. … Well, MAG065 and MAG104 were their Own Things and it’s the True Power Of Tim: getting to say “fuck” even when the episode content is otherwise typical.)

- Statement tiiime and I’ll go very fast because I messed up my timing again:

* Obligatory Gratuitous Tim Tears because I’m conditioned to think about him with the simple mention:

(MAG148, Sunil Maraj) “But there’d been some… problem, and the whole place had to be closed up for months. Samson said they’d found asbestos, I heard it was a lease issue, but… doesn’t really matter.”

-> (I KNOW, IT’S ABSOLUTELY GRATUITOUS… … but I think the beginning of MAG090 is still one of my favourite exchanges of the entire series, I relistened to it so many times, shut up >>)

(MAG090) TIM: … You do know, right? I mean, you must know. ELIAS: Know what? TIM: About this place. About what it does to us. ELIAS: [SIGH] Tim, this place is very old. It has all sorts of… idiosyncrasies, and not all of them are good for the people who work here. TIM: I think I’d prefer asbestos.

(+ Melanie’s old haunted building in MAG028 has had its share.)

(Yes, I’m aware of the RQ crew’s Personal Experience With Asbestos.)

* Same hat, statement-givers:

(MAG148, Sunil Maraj) “Now, I’m not sure I can legally name the shopping centre I was working in to you guys, but let’s just say it wasn’t the Westfield. […] The security office was a mess. The company I worked for – again, dunno if I can legally say them, but you can look it up, you know […].”

(MAG051, Antonia Hayley) “You’ll forgive me if I don’t give their name; I still hold out hope that I might go back to work there someday, and I’d feel like an asshole dragging their name through the mud, even if it is just to you and your strict confidentiality procedures. If you’re desperate, they shouldn’t be hard to identify, but it’s not really relevant to what happened.”

Not Telling You But You Can Find Out Easily Anyway (except if you’re not even interested in doing the follow-up properly and/or to try to see if this place is still dangerous :[[[)

* I’M EXTRA-SAD FOR SAMSON SINCE HE HAD A SMALL CHILD gdi, I’m even more upset when you know it will mess up people from the victim’s surroundings…

* Old tech obviously reminded me of MAG065, but this time with less of a trapping theme – 100% Beholding at work? And is there something with the 80s tech specifically…? Sergei Ushanka, according to the story, had died in 1983; the old Tecton multi-camera recorder was said to be from the late 80s here; and we don’t know how long the tape recorders had been in the Archives, only that Gertrude was using them at least in the 90s (so they could be a bit older).

(* I did wonder, when the statement-giver mentioned how he tended to shop a Treat for himself from time to time, and with how aware he was of the cameras… if he wasn’t trying to avoiding saying that he was actually shoplifting from his workplace.)

* That’s the 4th Beholding statement this season, And This Is A Lot More Than Usual, And I’m Scared. Beholding is just… looming. There. More and more present.

* Laughtrack.wav because oH MY GODS, JON??? JON, DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF WHEN YOU READ A STATEMENT????

(MAG148, Sunil Maraj) “So I lost my job last week. I mean, I quit, they didn’t fire me or nothing, but you know like, sometimes you quit because you want to, and sometimes you quit because you’ve got to?”

With the fact that the place Sunil had gone to was described as a “mess” that they had to sort out; that Samson didn’t have a lot of emotional support and was not in a nice headspace when they arrived (“Samson took it harder than I did. […] being thrown from one post to another all the time was really kind of getting to him. He tried to talk to me about it a few times, but honestly we weren’t that close…!”); that Samson got obsessed with putting the place in order and only focused on that and then began to follow his friend through the camera lens (or his own lens.)… It sounded an awful lot like Jon’s situation in the Archives, and the first paragraph and the mention from Sunil that a bit of distance had helped??? Sounded VERY oddly on point??? Jon, what does it say, if even Beholding is giving you “hey, sometimes, you don’t want to, but you still have to” talk through a statement???? Jonathan???

(Jk aside, because indeed, I think Gertrude was right to point out that the Fears don’t really have a consciousness, and it would sound very counterproductive from Beholding to invite its local avatar to hold up on feeding from innocents, but. Still. The rhetoric question sounded waaaay too exactly fitting for Jon, holy Mew.)

- Jon’s spiel about “ignorance” was a bit of surprise, I didn’t expect him to obsess over it? Because it… has been very present in the past, in the Archives or with statement-givers precisely explaining how “ignorance” doesn’t protect you from anything (+ is… still, in a certain way, Beholding’s domain):

(MAG032, Jane Prentiss) “And now I stare at it and not a word of it is even enough to fully describe the fact that I itch. Because ‘itch’ is not the right word. There is no right word because for all your Institute and ignorance may laud the power of the word, it cannot even stretch to fully capture what I feel in my bones. What possible recourse could there be for me in your books and files and libraries except more useless ink and dying letters? I see now why The Hive hates you. You can see it and log it and note its every detail but you can never understand it. You rob it of its fear even though your weak words have no right to do so.”

(MAG036, Nicole Baxter) “when I asked the two of them who they were, they just shook their heads and told me to leave. I asked them what was going on, and the old man looked at his companion, as if asking permission, said something about knowledge being a good defence here. She shook her head and said that leaving quickly was a better one. I didn’t need to be told a third time.”

(MAG039) MARTIN: Then why do you– ARCHIVIST: Because I’m scared, Martin!. Because when I record these statements it feels… it feels like I’m being watched. I… I lose myself a bit. And then when I come back, it’s like… like if I admit there may be any truth to it, whatever’s watching will... know somehow. The scepticism, feigning ignorance. It just felt safer. MARTIN: Well… It wasn’t. ARCHIVIST: No. No, it wasn’t.

(MAG047) ARCHIVIST: Yes, well, thank you for that, I suppose. And you still hadn’t told me why you… “intervened” at all. MICHAEL: [CHUCKLE] I’m normally neutral, yes, but… the loss of this place would have unbalanced the struggle too early. I am keen to see how it progresses. ARCHIVIST: You make it sounds like there’s a… war. MICHAEL: Eh…! Then I will say nothing further. I wouldn’t… wish to tarnish your ignorance prematurely. … Goodbye, Archivist. ARCHIVIST: Wait! [SCRAPPING OF CHAIR] Ah… ah, ow… ah… M– Michael…? Michael!

(MAG089) JUDE: Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge.

(MAG098) MARTIN: Yeah, we talked. Not long, he– Y’know, I think he thinks that the distance keeps us safe, you know? Like, like, if he just makes sure that we’re not involved, we’re somehow fine. TIM: He’s an idiot. Look, we didn’t know what that door was, and it still trapped us. Ignorance isn’t going to save anyone. MARTIN: No, I mean, you’re right, I guess. He was… Y’know, we know about Sasha now, and… he said he doesn’t want to lose anyone else. Like, y’know, it’s his fault. TIM: Isn’t it? MARTIN: No! No, it isn’t! I mean, you heard Elias… We never really stood a chance. TIM: Yeah. Maybe. But Elias wasn’t actually the one who offered me the job down here. MARTIN: No, I– Sure.

(MAG106, Jan Kilbride) “But I keep thinking back to an old professor of mine, back when I briefly studied neuroscience, talking about consciousness. About how we still don’t honestly know what it is – where it comes from, what aspect of the brain makes it possible. And I wonder if there might not be consciousnesses out there, so far beyond our comprehension that we could not properly recognize them as such. Minds so strange and colossal that we would never know that they were minds at all. Perhaps… out there, in the endless Vast, it would not notice or recognize us in return. And I wish that I could convince myself that ignorance was the same thing as safety. But then… how many weeds have you unthinkingly stepped on in your lifetime?”

(MAG117) TIM: I used to blame my brother for going off on one and poking around where he wasn’t wanted; I used to blame myself for not… helping him, but now? Now it doesn’t matter. I read through enough of these things to know that it doesn’t matter. The only thing you need to have your life destroyed by this stuff is just bad luck. Talk to the wrong person, take the wrong train, [SCOFF] open the wrong door – and that’s it!

(MAG137) GERTRUDE: Gerard may have a connection to The Eye, but I’m not convinced it will be enough. And I will admit I’ve grown… fond of the boy. I wonder, if I told him about Eric – whether he’d follow in his father’s footsteps. Still, that’s not like it kept Eric safe in The End.

(MAG146) ARCHIVIST: … I never thought I’d miss those days, when I could throw out some half-baked speculation about drug abuse or mental illness, and whoosh, away all the statements went. There is… nothing in the world more reassuring than ignorance which we can mistake for certainty. But no. Almost every one of those statements, those… people… that poor old man…

(MAG147, Annabelle Cane) “And in that vast, dark space of ignorance lies… free will! Isn’t that marvellous, Jon? Free will… is simply ignorance. It’s just the name we give to the fact that no one can ever really see everything that controls them…!”

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: I honestly don’t care, if Mr. Maraj was chased down and consumed by his voyeuristic former friend, or if he has forgotten the whole affair, living in… blissful ignorance.

I’m a bit ? at the fact that Jon is still holding on to the idea that (feigning) ignorance can help, although it’s been repeatedly demonstrated otherwise. Though with MAG146, it was akin to idealising the past: he was afraid already, back in season 1, and was just trying to not attract the attention of things out there by pretending he didn’t know anything, and it hadn’t worked. (I’m also a bit surprised that Jon is making the equation that knowledge/understanding/awareness fundamentally means Pain: both this and ignorance have been proven to not protect you, in this universe.)

- The… Martin mention…

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Basira… BASIRA: Yeah? ARCHIVIST: I’ve been meaning to ask. The… tape. The one of the, uh… my victim. You said Martin gave it to you. BASIRA: [EXHALE] Yeah. ARCHIVIST: How was he? H–how did he look, was he, uh… BASIRA: I don’t know. I didn’t… see him. He just left it on my desk with a note. ARCHIVIST: Oh… Right. BASIRA: Yeah. ARCHIVIST: … Can I ask what it said…? BASIRA: Hum… Yeah. It said to, uh… “Talk to him.” ARCHIVIST: [INCREDULOUS NASAL LAUGH] … [INHALE, EXHALE] I’m gonna get something to eat.

1°) Still not 100% sure that Martin indeed decided to pass the tape to the other assistants, or if… someone decided for him when he was hesitating.

2°) … not showing your face feels awfully Lonely, Martin D:

3°) Jon still gratuitously wondering about Martin for Unknown Reasons, uh.

4°) Ah. Ah. Ah. When Jon lost it at the “Talk to him”, I was reminded of many things:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: … Why are you here Martin? MARTIN: Well, well, Prentiss is out there and you can’t run so– ARCHIVIST: I mean at the Archive in general. Why haven’t you quit? MARTIN: Are you giving me my review now? ARCHIVIST: No… We’re clearly doing a whole heart-to-heart thing and, truth be told, the question’s been bothering me.

(MAG058) TIM: Look: I tried talking to Elias about it, but it doesn’t seem to do any good! MARTIN: He’s just under a lot of pressure. You know how messed up he’s been since Prentiss. TIM: How messed up he’s been?! MARTIN: Of course, I’m sorry – sorry, I didn’t mean that you weren’t, just– TIM: No! Because I didn’t start stalking my co-workers! MARTIN: Maybe try talking to him.

(MAG065) TIM: Shut. up. ARCHIVIST: … What? TIM: Shut up! Just stop talking. I’m sick of this, I’m sick of you! We didn’t kill Gertrude, and no one wants to kill you, you pompous idiot! […] After everything you’ve pulled, you should be gone. But no. Instead, we all get to talk about how you’re feeling, because we’re worried about our stalker boss!

(MAG069) MARTIN: Not like Tim. ARCHIVIST: Hm. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … Just talk to him, please. ARCHIVIST: I think we’ve said more than enough. I doubt there’s much more words can do for us. MARTIN: You can’t… work together like this. ARCHIVIST: Ironically, I think working is all Tim and I can do together. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … Look. Jon… when was the last time we all just… talked? Just talked, without all of this– ARCHIVIST: Thank you for the tea, Martin. MARTIN: … Oookay. Fine. [OPENS DOOR] He’s not wrong, you know. [CLOSES DOOR] ARCHIVIST: … [SIGH] [WEAK VOICE] I know.

(MAG099) GEORGIE: Look, when’s the last time you spoke to someone who wasn’t me? ARCHIVIST: That’s… I… I–I talked to Martin a, a… a… a few weeks ago…? GEORGIE: Did you talk to him? Or did he talk to you, while you tried to find a way to escape? ARCHIVIST: I… uh… GEORGIE: Look, you’re worried. I get it. But if you really think you’re turning into something… inhuman, you need people around you. You need anchors. ARCHIVIST: All my “anchors” are just as deep in this as me. GEORGIE: Well, you still need them. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Maybe you’re right. I… I’ll talk to the others. […]

(MAG102) ARCHIVIST: Oh, and… I suppose I… I did tell Georgie I’d try to talk to Martin. [DEEP SIGH] [...] ARCHIVIST: An–anyway, I–I–I should go. I–I’ve got a few leads to follow up. MARTIN: Right, right. ARCHIVIST: I’m, I’m sorry, Martin. We haven’t… I know we haven’t talked much since… Sasha and everything. MARTIN: Well, I mean it’s not too late, y’know. Unless the world ends. [MARTIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] ARCHIVIST: Yeah.

(MAG116) BASIRA: Do you think he bought it? MARTIN: We’ll talk about it later. ARCHIVIST: I doubt we’ll get time, we need to go. MARTIN: It’s fine. We’ve got this, okay. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Okay.

(MAG123) ARCHIVIST: I wish I could talk it through with Martin. … Or Tim. [SHORT SAD CHUCKLE] Or Sasha. But we never really did that, did we…? … Everything’s changed.

(MAG129) ARCHIVIST: I, er… I heard about your mother. MARTIN: … Yeah. ARCHIVIST: I am… so sorry. [SILENCE] MARTIN: Thank you. [INHALE] It’s… [SHAKY EXHALE] It’s better, this way. ARCHIVIST: If–if you do need to talk, I– MARTIN: I can’t. ARCHIVIST: No. No, o–of course.

… Martin who, unless there was a Plan going on and they were in a rush, had always pushed for talking, and who is currently absent and “silent”.

- Update on That Little Soap Opera You Call An Archive and cat is out the bag about Elias being (having been?) Basira’s intel:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: You should have let me come with. BASIRA: No. Besides, he wouldn’t have seen me if I had. ARCHIVIST: I can’t believe you’ve been seeing him all this time. BASIRA: Oh yeah! That’s the terrible secret sabotaging the trust between us. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Did he mention it at all? My, uh… BASIRA: Oh, your new diet? Nothing useful. Didn’t seem too fazed by it. ARCHIVIST: [LONG SIGH] Right.

… I do agree that Jon’s “secret” is not comparable to Basira’s but. She really shouldn’t minimise the fact that she hid her connection with Elias from them: Elias admitted that he had needed her to go away to get Jon to go inside the coffin and learn to harness his powers further, meaning that no, Basira’s been played, and they’ve been going in the direction Elias was nudging them towards through his sessions with Basira. That’s bad. And unless Elias was preparing Jon for The Dark with this (which he tried to imply, but I’m reaaaally not convinced given how… he only began to talk about that threat after Jon had expressed concerns about it), that means he had other plans.

Plus, Daisy picked up on the pattern of Jon’s attacks pretty quickly; Elias probably knew, already, that there would be a third victim after the coffin…? And. Ssssssssssssssssh. Melanie and Daisy won’t take the fact that Basira has been in contact with Elias kindly. At all. And they’ll be right to do so.

Confrontation probably incoming soon (since Daisy wasn’t aware of “Floyd” in MAG147, which means… Basira has been keeping a lot of information from them), it. Probably won’t be pretty. I would like to hope that Melanie&Daisy are a bit more suited to making things progress in a better direction (laying down unpleasant truths on the table but… in an actually helpful way) but… we’ve never got that in TMA so far. Usually, when there is resentment, it explodes and it shatters things and relationships beyond repair.

- In fact, the way Basira has acted so far in season 4… is really reminiscent of how Elias had described Daisy?

(MAG082) ELIAS: You haven’t even followed up on any of the other potential suspects or leads, and shown no interest at all in the fate of Sasha James. All you care about is where Jon is, because you’ve decided on a course of action, and you’re going to follow it through.

I wonder – after Basira basically lost her centre of gravity (she thought Daisy was dead for seven months), did she try to act like she thought Daisy would have…? She got the single-mindedness, the ruthlessness, the obsession with getting things done while not paying attention to her surroundings…

The fact that she savagely came at Elias, and how she treated Jon this episode, really highlighted for me… how indeed, she has been an internal mess this season, trying to be in control and failing absolutely everywhere. She… didn’t achieve anything, didn’t get a “win”? Elias explicitly told her that to get Daisy back, he needed for Basira to be away (like, RUDE.) because only Jon could pull that one off; he subsequently presented Jon has the only one able to “see through The Dark” which, once again… didn’t leave a lot of space for Basira to do anything significant at all, except to be there and take care of some logistic matters. Before that: she had lost Daisy, she had seen Martin drift away, she was only witnessing Melanie getting frantic and angry. Melanie had been the one to stab Jared while Basira & Martin were trying to flee, and Helen was the one to trap him. That’s a lot of… occasions to feel powerless and resentful – and that might be why she’s exceptionally snappy at Jon right now, and not really able to connect anymore with Melanie or Daisy? Because the situation has gone totally out of her control, and she had to be in the one in charge while being faced, again and again, with the fact that she wasn’t managing to achieve anything?

- I extra-hope that Daisy and Melanie step in soon-ish, because it… sounds… like Basira is being accidentally toxic for Jon at the moment: she’s still partially counting on him and his powers to fight off other spooks (although aware of what it means), and Jon was trying to avoid the food analogy until she hammered it in – he then… went with it, too, and sounded clearly resigned.

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Did he mention it at all? My, uh… BASIRA: Oh, your new diet? Nothing useful. Didn’t seem too fazed by it. ARCHIVIST: [LONG SIGH] Right. […] BASIRA: Yeah. Jon, we’ve been over this. The “key” is to not force people to feed you their trauma. You know, just don’t do it. […] Any luck finding her? ARCHIVIST: I haven’t really been trying. Doing that sort of thing consciously, it… makes me hungry. BASIRA: Oh well, then find a statement to your taste, and read it. ARCHIVIST: Yes, yes, I know, thank you. […] … [INHALE, EXHALE] I’m gonna get something to eat.

Melanie threw jokes around it in MAG147, and Jon had been using food analogies too before (+ both Mike and Jude presented it as “feeding what feeds you”) but here… it really sounded like a capitulation, and I really don’t think that… presenting what Jon is doing as “eating” is going to help them stop it. Making jokes about it has its limits (it’s still a sore spot for Jon at the moment), and presenting it as “feeding” isn’t really neutral, and only reinforced the idea that it would be an unavoidable necessity, when the point is to stop?

- And we got Jon, extremely… emotionally-stunned at the end of the episode:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: Does reading a statement of The Ceaseless Watcher count as a sort of… auto-cannibalism, I wonder? Or some sort of… bird-like regurgitation of Fear, re-consuming second-hand terror. … Whatever the analogy, I’m finding it harder and harder to ignore the diminishing returns. How much less satisfaction each one gives me. My desire for “follow-up”, for “verification”, for… [HUFF] “proper digestion”… of the experience, it grows less and less. […] I just find my mind already wandering to the next statement, in the hopes that it won’t be… quite as stale.

1°) … I think this is the first time Jon has referred to The Eye as The Ceaseless Watcher, and WOOPS, because coming from him, it sounds a bit more… grandiose and my-patron than “Beholding” or “The Eye” in passing.

2°) Indeed obsessed with the “food” and its quality, and disregarding entirely the grand pattern or the people hurt in the process. No mention that the manual could have been a Leitner; nothing about the fact that technology-based statements tend to be rare (he had told Tess, in MAG065, that they didn’t have many resources but that a student was dedicating their research to this). Nothing, just the statement, consumed without any appreciation or questioning, and the fact that it happened to someone… wasn’t enough to want to learn about it.

(3°) oh gods, his melodrama is definitely too much for me, though.)

4°) … Current problem definitely sounds like he’d “need” a live-statement to properly heal after having watched The Dark Sun, back in MAG143? Jon did mention that he was not entirely back to shape. So. The problem, at the moment, really seems to be tied to him using his powers and the question is what will happen first: Jon having to use them again to neutralise something attacking the Archives or trying a ritual, or Jon attacking someone with A Story – whether it’s a civilian or an avatar?

- Lots to unpack here:

(MAG148) BASIRA: Yeah. Jon, we’ve been over this. The “key” is to not force people to feed you their trauma. You know, just don’t do it. ARCHIVIST: It’s not that simple…! BASIRA: No, it is. Or I put you down. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … That’s… I mean, that’s hardly… BASIRA: Daisy has been managing. ARCHIVIST: Daisy is… [PAUSE] [SIGH] Yeah. She’s managing. Did he say anything about Annabelle?

1°) Not The Right Way To Go, but I still feel like Basira got a point: if Jon doesn’t want to stop, if he doesn’t have any solution to stop, if he only spends his time repeating that he is unable to stop… then there’s nothing differentiating him from the other monsters? Although it’s not helpful, it’s not worded in a way that is even remotely contributing, it’s absolutely savage, it’s a bit transparent that Basira might be pissed at herself because the victims happened right under her nose while she was at the Institute (and she specifically let Floyd happen).

2°) Aaaaaaaaaand I can see where Basira is coming from, too: since, unless he’s pretending right now, Jon… indeed didn’t know until this episode that Elias was Basira’s intel. And Basira had told him, sternly, to stop Knowing about her – which he… did, in the end? He didn’t know about her activities, in the same way that he kept away from Martin? And he was using the same rhetoric with his Insights at first: that he couldn’t control it, that the droplets would sneak around the door anyway. But telling him off / giving him a motivation to stop… more or less worked? (He had random knowledge with Basira in MAG140, but not about the Broad Picture of her plans…?)

3°) Jon is not helping his case at all in the way he keeps repeating that he can’t really stop it…? Okay, so, Daisy had pointed out how Jon was casually self-destructive/prone to go for things that could kill him. But he sounded almost… defensive, here? I heard the beginning of his sentence, after the silence, as a shock because he didn’t think that what he had done (and was at a risk of doing again) warranted death…? And what we really don’t need re:monster!Jon is for him to grow an active self-preservation instinct….? But, Jon, indeed, what are your options other than stopping entirely or going full monster and being taken care of in a definitive way? Going after other spooks to feed (HI, PETER LUKAS IS RIGHT THERE)? Being sealed in the coffin again (but he managed to come out once, and he “had regrets” about going inside – he probably wouldn’t go willingly)?

4°) ………………. I’m………………… worried about Daisy……………………….. I don’t know if Jon’s half-sentence meant that Daisy is Having A Hard Time And Not Exactly Managing (managing to not hurt people, but being deeply affected in the process), or that Daisy has Basira and is not alone so that their cases are not comparable, or that Daisy didn’t give herself to The Hunt like Jon did to The Eye in his coma (and that Daisy could be removed from her patron’s influence in the coffin; Jon was still using his powers inside, and found the way out thanks to them), or… that… Jon… knows something about Daisy… that we don’t know yet… which might be that Daisy has been Hunting again behind Basira’s back… (I’m especially worried because of the fact that Basira puts her as an example of actual success, Someone Managing To Step Away From A Fear… as if precisely, it’s meant to be an illusion, and she’ll have to face that things are less pretty and hopeful than she thought. Basira has always been biased for Everything about Daisy: she was already… allowing Daisy’s killings during her officer’s day although she did have a strong sense of justice for other matters, and she was still taking Daisy’s defence in MAG117.)

(But at the same time, it… would feel a bit pointless to me, if the overall conclusion was that there is no hope and nothing positive to achieve, that yes, Daisy should have killed Jon when she had an occasion; and Tim was right; and they all should have died in The Unknowing just like Tim did because you either become the hunter or the prey; and the things hurting and manipulating you are bound to successfully turn you into an uncaring predator, too…?)

- Okay, so remember how Tim was giving off the feeling that he had Given Up, between MAG092 and MAG104? Thaaaaaaaaaaaat’s Jon now.

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: … Whatever the analogy, I’m finding it harder and harder to ignore the diminishing returns. How much less satisfaction each one gives me. My desire for “follow-up”, for “verification”, for… [HUFF] “proper digestion”… of the experience, it grows less and less. I honestly don’t care, if Mr. Maraj was chased down and consumed by his voyeuristic former friend, or if he has forgotten the whole affair, living in… blissful ignorance. I just find my mind already wandering to the next statement, in the hopes that it won’t be… quite as stale.

1°) But at the same time, oh my gods, just cut out the melodrama Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, seriously.

2°) Cutting the bird analogy because Jon. Don’t. Jon, gross, Jon.

3°) … Same Guy who was complaining about His Feelings in MAG139 (around two months ago in-universe), so what the heck happened/is happening for Jon to just. Collapse like this.

One Thing We Know About Jon since season 1 is that inaction tends to take a big toll on him; while Basira remedies to it by trying to do anything, Jon… tends to be unable to focus on anything else once he has a Current Threat or an objective in mind (yes, Aza, I know, it’s ADHD). He was extremely aware that they were waiting for Jane Prentiss to strike, and that they could only wait for her to make her move; he knew The Unknowing was coming and, even with their plan already laid out, he was restless waiting for the day; he repeatedly pointed out in season 4 how the fact that nothing was happening was becoming overwhelming:

(MAG031) ARCHIVIST: It’s… been two months now since Martin returned and we became the ones being… hunted. Are we being hunted? Martin��s still living here, and I’m leaving less and less. The worms keep turning up. We kill them, but there are more each week. What is she waiting for…?

(MAG115) ARCHIVIST: Whatever Elias has Daisy doing, it seems to be working. Nothing’s made a move on me or the Institute since I returned, and last time I saw her there was the distinct smell of burnt plastic. So I suppose I’m safe. But everything just feels like… killing time, running down the clock. I don’t think I like it. God, do I– do I miss being chased? That’s depressing. No, it’s… I just miss feeling like I’m moving, like I–

(MAG130) ARCHIVIST: … It’s been two weeks since I heard from Basira. I’m not waiting any longer. I’m getting Daisy back.

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: Can’t honestly say I blame them, none of this is easy. Everyone’s just trying to get through as best they can. Living one day at a time. [SIGH] But I can’t afford to be just living one day at a time, I need… a plan. But I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve… And no one… no one wants to tell me.

(MAG137) ARCHIVIST: I feel like I’m on a deadline, like I’m running out of time somehow – and I don’t even know where to go! What to look for, o–or… [EXHALE] Just casting around blindly for more clues to just… drop into my lap. Everyone else is… running towards something, or running away, and I… [SIGH] I don’t know what I’m doing. [PAUSE] [SIGH] I’m just tired. Think I might go lie down for a while. Get a cup of tea [HUFF]

(MAG145) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] The more I listen and learn, the more it seems to me we’re all just… “groping about”. Trying desperately to find out what we’re actually meant to be doing. […] But I’m really starting to worry that there aren’t any answers. Not like I want there to be. There aren’t any answers in Ny-Ålesund; there aren’t any answers in the past; I’ve been inside The Buried, and there were no answers there. Elias always seemed to know what was going on, to have a plan, but… I sometimes wonder how orchestrated some of it really was. […] It’s just this nagging sense of unease that won’t leave me. … I was so sure I’d find something up there. But instead, it was just another broken person trying to come to terms with the wreckage of their life. And here? I reached out, I took another tape, eh!, hoping for a bit of guidance, but… [HUFF] To be honest, this hasn’t helped.

And a lot of things this season seem to have contributed to the aimlessness and the pointlessness. Jon managed to remove the Slaughter bullet from Melanie, and to get Daisy out of the coffin in the month following his awakening. Since then… Nothing tangible happened, and Jon has complained about his lack of goal; he’s been aware that Martin is in a bad place, but has been stuck with his promise to trust him. Trying to take a peek through The Lonely backfired; going to Norway to fight The Dark turned out to be a letdown (and even the Dark Sun didn’t kill him); going to Hill Top Road didn’t help, Annabelle denied any Big Involvement; and now, even Elias seems… absolutely useless and out-of-his-depth.

So cumulating that with Tim’s recent death, Georgie deciding to stop trying to help him, the fact that Martin is actively not interacting with him, the fear of Something happening in 2018 for the Institute’s 200th anniversary (… well. Assuming that Jon is fearing that one and not enthralled by it.), the knowledge that he’s Indeed Turning Into A Monster (which was… a gigantic concern of his, in season 3), and then the fact that nothing is leading anywhere, that there is no apocalypse to focus on and try to stop… there are enough elements for Jon to let himself sink and stop trying at all.

(Additional fear related to Jon’s wording in that moment:

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: How was he? H–how did he look, was he, uh… BASIRA: I don’t know. I didn’t… see him. He just left it on my desk with a note. ARCHIVIST: Oh… Right.

That was generic and all, but. Pointedly not “Did he look mad/disappointed/worried/tired” etc. There is still the nagging fear that at some point, Martin would begin to appear in Jon’s dreams because Beholding’s protection would fade away, and it’s not going into that direction, and Jon has been Thirsty For Anything Martin all through this season but… Let’s say that if, yeah, Martin was beginning to appear in his dreams: could be the final nail in the coffin (ha) to make him definitely unmotivated/depressed and make him give up on trying anything because there is no hope of anything feeling better ever again, uh.)

- While, at the same time, if there is no “catch” to it, we’ve had counterexamples of people who went through an awful place and… managed to fight back and (more or less) find their footing again. It took some efforts from Georgie! Melanie was hurt, manipulated into signing up with the Institute (we. still don’t know. what that static was, when Elias asked her if she wanted the job.), emotionally tortured (even if it was unrelated, it took 42 episodes for Elias To Get What He Deserved for that.), under influence… and acknowledged that it was her, was lost, and went to seek therapy – and if she’s not currently being preyed upon again, or at least if her therapist is genuinely using their sessions as actual therapy… it seems to be doing wonders with her (she’s less aggressive while still snappy, more aware of her surroundings, able to word her discomfort – it’s not fixing her life but it seems to… help! And that’s the point of therapy, to give you tools or insights to regain some control over your life!). Daisy, if she hasn’t secretly fallen back to The Hunt, has been more peaceful, is trying to communicate, is staying away from what could make her snap or hurt her (trying to find company to chase the loneliness and The Buried’s flashbacks), and has been trying to pull Jon back up when she could (sharing her Archers listening with him, taking him out for drinks).

Basira and Jon are currently sharing the title of In The Worst Headspace in the team right now, and it’s… probably an exceptionally bad idea to allow Basira to try to be the one monitoring him at the moment, although they don’t have many options. At the very least, she… doesn’t seem to be, at all, the one person he should be talking to if they want to avoid Jon sinking deeper. But Georgie, Melanie and Daisy…? Extra-hard for Georgie since:

(MAG094) GEORGIE: And I realised I was in my bed. According to my phone, I had been for several days. I numbly got myself some water, and ignored my weeping mother. She tried to hug me, but her arms just slid off my limp shoulders. And that was my life for several months. Eventually, the memory began to fade, and I started to feel again. I took the year out of university under the umbrella of “medical reasons”, and by the time I met you I was, well, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person I was before, but I had started being able to actually live again. I never learned for sure what happened to the people in the Medical Science building, […] and I never saw Alex again. There was one thing that never returned to me afterwards, though. Since that day, I’ve never been able to feel afraid. My fear’s just… gone. I’m not foolhardy. I can still recognise danger, and I understand the likelihood of harm, but actual fear? Simply not something I experience anymore. And I’ve never been able to figure out if it was cauterised, or… if it was stolen.

She Doesn’t Have To Do Anything For Him, but seriously, if someone has to remind Jon that “hey, I lost someone I cared about so much, my life became a mess, I became emotionally stunted, I even lost one of my Feelings forever, but I pulled through, and I’m still impacted, but I also have My Life” is not a fatality, and is good at giving valuable advice (/kicking Jon’s butt in the right direction, whether he elects to ignore it or not)? There is Georgie Spooktacular Barker.

- So, overall, still! Findint! it! very! hard! to feel sad over Jon’s current state since MAG141? I mean, I wasn’t even feeling !!! over the Martin mentions once the episode finished, because… Yes, I was immensely fond of the Jon->Martin bits this season, but I don’t especially care over Jon who only cares about Martin and not about victims, and is more interested in the Fears mechanisms at work and the statements-as-food than in the-victims-as-people?

(Because, like, yes, Jon has been through a lot in the first three seasons, he lost people he cherished, witnessed abominations, suffered and suffered, and being depressed is a Thing and makes everything hard. But in Jon’s case, it now comes hand-in-hand with “having repeatedly hurt people, being aware that it was happening, liking it, trying to convince himself that he was mindcontrolled into doing it – and still having hidden it from people who could have monitored him to ensure there wouldn’t be any further victims”. Whatever Jon’s reasons (denial, fearing he would be abandoned or the disappointment or to have to acknowledge that He Had Turned Into A Monster Like The Others, etc.), I’m still “Mm-MMMMm.” at the whole ordeal because, with the added bit of “I don’t want to stop” and him insisting that he can’t stop at will? There is nothing differentiating him from a serial killer or assaulter trying to present himself as The Victim Who Only Do These Things Because Of Uncontrolled Instinct And Who Has Had A Hard Childhood, while he… isn’t… the main victim…, and doesn’t deserve anything right now except to be stopped – people need to be protected from him first, and I don’t feel like I can care much about his story or his Worry Over Martin when I know that he’s hurt people, and that they’re still being tortured (Jess…). Whether or not the Spooky Powers influence indeed pushed him to do it and it’s actually impossible to truly fight against it… Jon’s main fault, a fault that is his and his only, is truly that he hid what he had done from the others, and kept repeating to them that he could be trusted. That the first victim happened? He wasn’t prepared for that one, alright. The following four, nop, you tortured them, and the fact that it happened was absolutely your fault, Jon. And it doesn’t feel especially tragic or sad to me right now, just “shrugs, so that’s how it is? Yeah okay goodbye Jon, then, I guess”…?)

(It’s also Daisy’s case! But I’m biased because 1°) a bit more impermeable to this rhetoric from a man’s mouth, especially given how we learned it through a woman’s recalling (and how heavily MAG142 just felt coded like a regular physical assault), 2°) we haven’t heard from one of Daisy’s victims from their mouth, 3°) … presumably, Daisy was only going for the kill with spooks-or-spooks-influenced-people-who-had-hurt-people; it was bad and Not Okay, even more given that she was still a police officer back then, but on the scale of atrocities, it still feels a bit less nauseating than going after innocents like Jon did, 4°) Jon is still currently the MC, so obviously, his actions and their consequences will get scrutinised a bit more since… it’s “his” story, first, and why does his story deserve to be told? 5°) I’m really expecting Daisy to die soon-ish, since she has a redemption arc-vibe to her, and it would already lay out the groundwork for a Satisfying Death – whether she snaps again like she did in The Unknowing and has to be killed-killed for real, or sacrifices herself, or dies trying to achieve something Good but being prevented from it. … But yes, I’m fearing a bit that we’d get the testimony of someone explaining how Daisy had absolutely wrecked their life unwarrantedly a few years ago, at some point.)

(- I wonder if it’s not Team Archives’ cue to… try to research about Adelard Dekker, though, if they want to find a way to stabilise Jon / ensure that he stops attacking people.

Because Annabelle Cane, whether she’s lying or not, claims to barely have intervened, and outside of ensuring that Jon stays alive, has certainly not been presenting herself as an ally, and is aware of Jon traumatising innocents but sees it (officially) as a Jon problem. Elias is (officially) a bust, and doesn’t care about Jon’s rampages. They’ve never met Peter Lukas, so can’t know if he’s knowledgeable about other spooks (Martin knows but, also, Peter could be bullshitting as well as Elias – and please, don’t ever tell Peter that he might be the Most Knowledgeable Guy around, or his head won’t fit through that door). Whether we can trust that or not, the three of them claim to not be that much in control, and are certainly not Allies On The Side Of Not Hurting People.

Gertrude, Gerry and Leitner were the most knowledgeable people around, and they are already dead and definitely silenced (Jon has burned Gerry’s page). But there is still Adelard’s case: Jon knows that Adelard was collaborating with Gertrude in the business of stopping Spooks (binding the Not!Them to the table in MAG078’s statement, helping to move Gertrude’s things and to temporarily stop an avatar of The End in MAG114, contributing to stopping The Flesh’s ritual attempt in MAG130). If Team Archives was searching for someone’s help to deal with Jon’s current status, and their overall situation… he’s currently their last resort?

I’m still expecting Adelard to be dead, by now, or to have turned into an Extinction avatar or something; and even if he’s still around and mostly on the side of stopping the Fears… I doubt that he would be super receptive over the concept of “Jon might be salvageable”. But if they have to seek out someone for Spooks-related help… he sounds like the best candidate.)

Title for MAG149 is… I don’t know, feels so non-threatening (well, like a “casual” statement not having anything to do with the current Awful Situation) that my instinct is to think it may be a small respite, and my reasoning is to get Prepared to be slapped extra hard? I have… no clue about a potential “Archives life” meaning for this one (unless it takes place in a café or something??).

It would be a good title for an Extinction statement, and we’re indeed due for Martin’s meeting with Peter’s “friend” (and what does it say, that the episodes that potentially feel the less tense are about Martin and/or The Extinction?) – Adelard, Salesa, Simon Fairchild, surprise!stillalive!Rayner, Martin’s dad, another Lukas, Mr. Spider, Alfred Grifter…? If not, hum. Second half of the title has been used in the context of both Spiral and Hunt, and there is the potential musical angle (I’m not talking about “–ON THE COLD HARD GROUND – OH! (TROUBLE, TROUBLE, TROUBLE.)” but that one crossed my mind too.) which makes me think of Slaughter. I… really… hope… it’s not Hunt, because WorriedAboutDaisy and I see how it could fit, if it were to refer to her Hunting again ;;

(Still no love for Corruption in s4, but Anil has guaranteed that we haven’t Heard The Last Of It. I know that statistically, unless an episode contains multiple Fears, each one would be supposed to get less than 3 episodes per season for them to be Equally Represented but x’) Corruption got the short stick this season, uh.)

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #the magnus archives #tma season 4 #tma spoilers/#mag148 #tma liveblog #long post/#*sighs and pushes placebo's 'song to say goodbye' in the m->j playlist*

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